Come fly with me...to Hell (British Airways in general)

Member Name: rachels_ratty

Product:	British Airways in general
Date:	05/01/03 (783 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: I survived to tell the tale

Disadvantages: Cramped, No health information given out, Abysmal cabin crew

Im going to start writing this with a small disclaimer. This particular review is about a flight with BA I took a while ago. I guess its testimony to the afor mentioned corporation that this flight actually sticks out so prominently in my mind so many months later. Just one small thing though, I dont actually remember this journey for any GOOD reasons. The point Im possibly labouring to get to is this; things may actually have improved on this particular route, but if they indeed havent, anyone unfortunate enough to sample BAs idea of style and service has my most sincere condolences.

Incidentally, all routes to Australia with BA are shared with Qantas. I flew out to Aussie with Qantas but was happy to except a flight with BA for my return leg; they were ok surely? The flight to which I am referring is BA 18, their Melbourne to London Heathrow service (and I use the word service in the loosest possible terms). This flight is, all told 22 hours long, with around an hours break in Singapore for those wishing to get off and stretch their legs. Now when travelling for that length of time you need to be comfortable, you need what youve paid for; in other words good service.

~ The Plane ~

Mmmmmm where do I start? As a rule 747-400 aeroplanes are large. Very large and roomy. BA appears to have found a new model with which to transport their passengers around. Ive decided to call this particular device the 747-400-space-saver. It looks from the outside like an ordinary 747, it sounds like a 747, but climb aboard, make your way down to cattle class (sorry I mean basic economy) and you step into the twighlight zone.

This is, in my opinion where BA has gone wrong. You see where most airlines fit 3 classes of seating into their planes, BA do 4. With BA you have First, Business, World Traveller Plus and then World Traveller. Those clever little business brains at BA have discovered exactly how much money you CAN make on one flight, h
ow
many extra seats you can fit into one aeroplane. Who cares if your customers are ferried about in conditions worse than animals have to travel in? Basically, they have found that you can charge a fortune for first class, another small fortune for Business and if all those second rate poor people want a decent seat-pitch, something that wont have them collapsing with a DVT, well pay extra for a World Traveller Plus ticket.

The seating in World Traveller is appalling. The seats are narrow with what has to be minimum legal legroom requirement. If there is seating out there with worse specifications I dont want to experience it thank you very much. Now Im only 5 foot tall and around 9 stone dripping wet. I couldnt stand up straight at my window seat because of how low the overhead lockers were located. I couldnt get even vaguely comfortable because of the narrowness of the seat and the lack of legroom certainly didnt help. As short as I am, I had to shuffle backwards in my seat to be able to cross my legs. Now these seats do recline, however the guy sat behind me was at least six feet tall and I had no wish to make his journey any more uncomfortable than it clearly already was. The poor bloke spent most of the flight apologising to me because he kept banging into my seat as it was. If I had reclined my seat Im pretty sure I would have pinned him down and had my head in his lap. Probably NOT the best way to become acquainted with your fellow sufferers (I mean passengers). So, for all these reasons I got no sleep at all for the entire journey and was a physical wreck by the time we reached British Air space.

~ In-flight Entertainment ~

Now this on the surface at least looked promising. Each seat had its own personal television screen inserted into the back of the seat in front. Headsets were given out free of charge and did seem to be fairly well insulated; in other words you couldnt hear what your neighbour was listening to. Thats unfortun <
br>ately where the good times ended. The movie selection was pretty dire, despite there being around 10 film channels to chose from. The only known title to me was A Knights Tale, the rest I either hadnt heard of, were old films or Asian subtitled efforts. Did you know that during a very long transcontinental flight it is possible to watch the previously mentioned movie 8 complete times without interruption?!?!?!?! I can now quote the entire script, word perfect and probably backwards. The radio selection was vaguely better but at times, the navigator screen (the one that tells you where you are, altitude, speed etc) was infinitely more exciting. More exciting still was the art of watching fellow travellers struggles to get comfortable, get to sleep, attract the attention of a steward(ess). Im afraid I cant review the in-flight magazine for your delight and delectation, as there wast one available. Yes that?s right, NO in-flight reading of the thoughtfully provided by your airline-carrier type. I know that these are generally poor, but to not have one at all???

So that was it, no games, as some carriers have installed, no magazine. Just crappy 2nd rate movies (well apart from A knights Tale but there is only so many times you can watch one film in one sitting) and endlessly looping radio of a mediocre standard. I know that some airlines provide handsets in Economy class that double up as telephones. BA doesn?t and I think Ive worked out why. If they give you a means of communicating with the real world you may just give your lawyer a call?.

~ The Crew ~

From what I saw of them, which actually wasnt very much, they all appeared to have an air about them that we, the paying customers were a bit of an imposition to them. Food and drinks were served without so much as a small smile between any of them and at one point I did make my way to one of their many hideaways to ask them if my in-seat call button was just there for show; if it was act
ual
ly connected to anything? Between serving meals the crew really were rarer to spot than a teetotaller at a beer lovers convention. I had fond memories of the Qantas flight I had taken a few weeks previously where the crew brought water round hourly to stave off dehydration. You wanted water on this flight; clamber over your fellow passengers and get it yourself. Despite all the safety issues surrounding DVTs, this BA flight crew didnt even mention commonly known in-flight exercises; maybe thats company policy I dont know. Appalling if it is?.

The pilot was quieter than some I have experienced. Despite us taking off during a thunderstorm on our exit from Singapore he stayed silent on the cabin microphone. Now Im a good flyer and not much phases me, but I was terrified and I know a lot of others were too. Given the fact that the cabin crew didnt give a stuff about their customers a friendly reassuring word or two from the pilot or co-pilot wouldnt have gone amiss.

~ The Food ~

Now I could keep this really short and just state well its food but not as we mere mortals know it, but thats not good opinionating practice! To put more bones onto this allow me to elaborate. It was awful, no that doesnt sum it up fairly; it was bloody abysmal. On this flight I was treated to two dinners and two breakfasts (termed refreshments by BA). The first dinner was a choice between chicken with chilli noodles or fish. Now Im allergic to fish and cant abide spicy food so starvation looked inevitable. In the end I plumped for the Pan-fried Parmesan chicken with tomato chilli noodles. Well thats the description of it from the BA in-flight leaflet thing anyway. The chicken was over cooked and drier than sand in a desert and the noodles were totally overpowered by the chilli. Never mind I thought, Ill just dig into the CHOCOLATE cheesecake. Not something that could be spoilt you may think, but clearly the BA chefs havent been anywhere near a cookery school,
ever
. The other dinner was just as bad; I wont bore anyone with the details other than to say mine was inedible.

Credit where its due though, the refreshments were slightly better but hardly enough to stave off malnutrition! On the approach to Singapore we were treated to, and I quote, focaccia bread filled with shaved ham and egg mayonnaise accompanied by a tropical fruit salad. So, cutting through the poncy over ambitious BA descriptive language, a sandwich and a bit of fruit. There, one thing even BA couldnt get wrong but believe me, they'd tried!!

To sum this part of my review up, I was that hungry when I disembarked at Heathrow I headed straight for the café at Arrivals in Terminal four.

~ In Summery ~

Would I travel BA again? Not if you paid me millions. I have no doubt that those in Business and First classes had a fantastic flight, those in World Traveller Plus probably faired alright as well. But my question is this? Why should we, the fare paying passengers have to fork out extra money to an already over-priced ticket just to get half decent seats and legroom? After all, those in that class didnt get better food or smiles/service from the cabin crew!

I mentioned that we stopped in Singapore for a re-fuelling break. Yes I was one of the passengers who opted to get off and stretch my legs. I was also crying at the thought of HAVING to get back on board. BA managed something astounding; they managed to make me fear for my own health and well-being and I know my sanity snapped somewhere over India if not before. The only real good point about this flight was we arrived back at Heathrow earlier than we should have, trust me here, every minute shaved off the journey time were minutes not spent on that flying hell hole.

If I was ever stranded in Australia or anywhere else for that matter, with the choice of a BA flight or nothing, Id chose walking home every time!! With hindsight maybe I should ha
ve taken m
y chances with the sharks and swam back to Britain?

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