Luftwaffe-aviation excellence since Guernica (Lufthansa)

Name: Cammij

Hello doyoo user, You have to be logged in to use these functions... Login or register Close window

Send message to member

Product:	Lufthansa
Date:	20/04/07 (291 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Secure, clean proper, efficient, they are Germans!!!

Disadvantages: crummy food and real stupid music

I want to write about this little operation called Luftwaffe which I have recently taken a few trips on, from Detroit to Frankfurt onto Samara Russia and back and also I took a flight from Detroit to Vienna. Lufthansa has to have the most complicated and difficult system of buying tickets that I have encountered in this age of using micro computers at home to buy tickets. It is never easy to find fares directly at their web site. If you look up a fare on orbitz or kayak.com and then try to find the same fare on Lufthansa you never will, and even calling them will not help.

The flight itsself is not so bad. They keep bringing alcohol until they get bored. The movies were a decent selection but on my last flight my head phones did not work so I sat and watched some scary people lurking around the plane. I will not mention what area these people are from but it seems to be that certain jerks feel empowered by trying to look like terrorists and then enjoy instilling fear in other passengers by lurking around looking all subversive. I am frankly sick of this crap going on with airlines.

I tried a neat trick on these Germans. First off you got to realize the last time the Germans headlined a so called "star alliance" that them Finland, Hungary, Slovakia, Romania and Italy laid dover and Whitechapel to waste under Herman Goering. So I realized that my best bet to not be harmed was to pick up a German newspaper on the way to the plane, by the way they give out a nice selection of newspapers. But see on my ticket I signed up to get "Asian vegetarian" meals. So I would always get my meal served first and everyone of the hungry people look at you with envy. The food was Ok. Buit then you have to either eat the whole meal and dirtch the plates under the seat or sneak back to the galley and ditch it. Then they come and give you another meal with everyone else. Of course they are shocked to see me, a big Honkey get such food. They caught me doing this ploy and began to berate me so I started yelling at them in German, "Warum Ich bekomme diesen Tschungel Nahrung?" (why do I get jungle food) and they said because I ordered it and then I flipped out and asked them if I look like I am from some other place and all that. It is fun.

All in all it is a good airline. My mom felt secure knowing that I was being flown around by Germans. Everything seems to be done properly. Their inflight music sucks and their magazine sucks and their duty free sucks. But i would rather all that stuff suck and have a German pilot than have nice stuff and end up in the ocean. Another thing I noticed was they have really nice blankets for people to use. I really wanted to steal mine but did not know if I could get away with it or not. Oh and another thing the staff in Detroit are really nice.

Now about Luftwaffes routes. In this day and age a person who can not fly often, or rather choose which airlines to fly. ( on several flights guys with dark blue jackets with big Yellow "US Marshals" on the back took me right to the gate and once I even got to be cuffed to an FBI agent on the plane and in neither case did anyone ever ask me my flight, seat, or meal preferences nor did they ask my frequent flier account numbers to ensure I would get my miles) But in this day and age to get treated better than a tree slug you really have to pick one airline and be loyal and earn miles and status miles and all that jazz. Luftwaffe goes to lots of places, and frankly a lot of the places they go are where the women really do have beautiful feet, I think Russian women have the most beautiful feet of all women but it is usually cold there and you have to go to Turkey to see Russian womens feet, by the way I have lots of good pictures of womens feet, in and out of shoes if anyone is interested in trading. But Luftwaffe does not have so many routes outside Festung Europa. I did get to go to athens and hitchhiked to the beach and set up a booth on the beach giving pedicures and I had so many colors of nail polish and woman were actually paying me to take care of their feet. I am not supposed to talk about that stuff because I focus on other things,, productive things.

I do strongly recommend Lufthansa. I got a real sense of safety and security from them. I do not know if you can put a price tag on that or not. My only complaint is that when I was whining about the headset not working on my chair they really did not give a damn. They also did a really mean trick to me and asked me to switch seats with some bloke so he could sit with his girlfriend. I was not my fault they wait to the last minute to buy seats and save ten pence but can't sit aside each other. I agreed and was sat next to the fattest woman I had ever seen and she smashed me so bad that I had to sit halfway in the aisle. But then when she was eating, and mind you she had to hold her tray right under her face as she was too fat to let down her table thing I began to push back with my back and shoulders and squeeze her. Then her stupid fat daughter was always coming to talk to her and the women sitting in front of us blocking my view of this very intelligent and complicated movie where I could not miss a minute or lose the plot, it was called happy feet, and so this woman is standing there talking to this woman and blocking her view and then she threw up all over the woman who was sitting down. That sort of thing scares me, I wonder if I willed it to happen so for the next few hours I would focus on making this hot little frauleins top come unbuttoned, but it did not. I love you all.

Summary: The least terrible airline next to KLM