| Product: |
My Experiences and Advice |
| Date: |
30/07/02 (98 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: Exciting, interestin
Disadvantages: Low pay, dangerous
I was a police detective in a large midwestern (USA) Metropolis known for manufacturing (obviously Detroit, Michigan). I started out as a simple patrolman at age 23, was promoted to sargeant by age 26, passed my detectives exam at age 28 and remained a detective for two years. This was the apparant beginning of a distinguished and dignified career in law enforcement. Or so I thought.
Civilians, that is all of you, in general do not have a very good idea of what exactly police work entails. This is because most notions they have about law enforcement are gleaned from watching too much television. In reality, actually police work, the duties that occupy 90% of our time, simply do not make for television programs that will do well in a prime time slot. Most policemen in the United States never have occasion to fire their gun in the line of duty or participate in a high speed pursuit. The excitement and glamour of the job is almost completely an invention of Hollywood writers.
I am not going to even bother discussing my years as a patrolman and sargeant as they are so dull and mundane as I was only doing my part of repitition work in a giant manufacturing process known as the legal system. The process involves bringing normal citizens in and re-labeling them as criminals. I went out and got my qouta of arrests, drink driving, speeding, under age possession of alcohol and so forth. The best bounty as a patrolman was getting bounties of an anti drink driving organization for hauling in drink drivers.
What I want to talk about was my time spent as an undercover cop. Ironically I was picked to do this work after the police commissioner saw me play in several local theater productions. He realized that I had talent, I did not portay roles on stage, I became that role on stage and he knew I was a natural for undercover work.
So did I infiltate the crips? Or work my way into the highest level of teh Outlaw Motorcycle club? Did I
intercept weapons destined for the IRA? No, no such accolades for my illustrious career.
What were my big busts?
I started off sort of slow. I would drive around in an old pick-up truck and go to people's garage sales. If they did not have a proper license for a garage sale I would write them a citation. Or if they were selling food without a proper permit. Surprisingly these people were more bellicose and abusive than the hardened criminals we arrested. I would have to hear, "Theres 290 murders in this city every year and you are sending me to court for selling my old records and toaster ovens in my garage?" People did not understand that the law is supreme, and if we were not going to enforce every law we had no business enforcing any law.
I helped bust one of the biggest unlicensed/counterfeit NHL Hockey paraphinelia sellers in downtown Detroit. He was selling close to 15 unlicensed T-Shirts and Hats per game. Buying and selling unofficial professional sports gear and clothing cheats the players and teams out of important revenue and must be stopped.
Most people do not realize that the politics of police work are horrendous and the word comes freom the top on what businesses and citizens will get the most "protection". For instance a local restaurant chain made a goodwill donation to the police department of the use of a new Mercedes Benz limosine. All of a sudden I am working overtime in their restaurants making sure people that just ordered Soup and Salad Bar were not eating off the whole buffet. It is amazing how many people who are caught committing theft believe that a remedy to their criminal conduct is to say, "Well I will pay full price". It doesn't work that way, you get handcuffed, get your head smacked on the door frame of the cop car and you egt taken downtown and sit in a holding cell full of prostitutes and killers.
Another big case I worked out was putting
an end to fishermen believing they could fill up their coolers full of ice when the sign on the ice machine said no filling up of coolers was allowed. I guess the police chief had been on an important career related trip to denver and couldn't get any ice for his drinks since some fishermen in the hotel had callously taken all the ice, and he wanted to get back.
It might seem like a small case, maybe petit theft, but then you trump up the charges to stuff like resisting arrest, assualt, interfering with official business and stuff liek that and they plead out to lesser charegs rather than go to trial. That is how it is done. People would think twice about stealing ice if they knew the guy playing around with the vending machine will ultimately have them arrested on four felony counts including attempted murder.
I did a stint as a railroad hobo and it sucked. I ended up in Wyoming. Those hobos are real bastards.
A lot of information of crimes comes not from good detective work but by other criminals singing to save their own necks during a game of hardcop-softcop. One time we had a kid in their for possesion with intent to distribute and he lets on that he knows that the help at a local fast food joint always do shit to the cops food. So we let him go with a stern warning for selling crack and the next thing I know I am "Mitch" a "slow learner" who lives with his aunt and wants to work at the Burger Joint to save up money "to buy a cool jeep". I had to work at that place for two months. The bummer is the department got to keep my salary I earned as a fry cook. Some of the people befriended me, and acted like it was ok that I did they same job as them. The manager was very kind and told me about some special reading skills classes that he thought may help me. I eventually gathered enough evidence to close the case and it felt good strolling into my workplace with my badge on a chain around my neck and
my gun drawn and slamming my friends onto the greasy wet floor and putting my combat boot in between their shoulder blades and press down shouting, "You are under arrest". That was exciting.
My biggest case, as far as public profile goes involved investigating the behaviour at a bath house. Apparently the city law director was a Christian (I know you would guess Jew, too) and his wife saw a show on teh Christian cable channel about gays in bath houses and the next thing you know I am down there. Now the laws about lewd acts is that in order for it to be a criminal offense it must be witnessed by a non participatory law officer. So what we worked out is that I had a female partner and we would go to a gay place and we would chat up the guys. Basically I would say that I lost a bet to my girlfriend and I had to get with another guy and she could watch just as she would have had to be with another girl for my amusement. Most the queers fell for it. They actually liked the idea of doing stuff in front of a woman. Let tell you something about the gay guys and their skills- you go to a mechanic who drives the kind of car he works on right? You want a pediatrician who has kids of his own right? You don't go to a butcher who is a vegatarian right? The same thing goes with gay lovers, and the fact that my partner was watching led to some of the best orgasms of my life. I felt guilty having a man scream, "But I am married you ---- in my ----- you bastard" while they were put in the cop car. I think this whole scene helped destroy my first marriage. My wife was the proverbial "Donnie Brasco" wife, she didn't understand how important it was to stop the promiscous sex in downtown.
I am no longer a cop. I teach school now. But my career change was abrupt. My marriage was shot and then my Lewwy called me in and told me he had a new assignment for me. Something about some woman who ran a Greek Bakery and her husband was s
hopping for a hitman to kill her and wanted them to make it look like a robbery. They wanted me to go undercover and work at teh bakery and protect this gal. I asked my Lewwy, "Are you F---ing nuts? I could get killed doing that. Shove this job up your ass. See I always thought of myself as a Jean Claude van Damme kind of cop, not some Sean Penn's Fat brother to get shot in a bakery holdup kind of extra. I did the whole Stallone-Schwartzenegger thing of slamming my gun and badge on the table and walking out.
Its been three years now and I miss police work, so much that I go downtown to those bathhouses and relive some of my best moments in police work.
Love and Peace....Cammij
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