*This opinion follows on quite neatly from my last one, in that this too involves graphic descriptions of animals being killed, mutilated, and generally abused. If you are an animal lover, then I suggest that you just click on the VU button thingy and leave. If you are one of those animal liberation people, you can hunt me down all you like, but you won’t find me, because at the time of writing this, I am hiding in a nuclear bunker 50 metres underground, with enough tins of Heinz baked beans to last me for thirty years. My other enemies haven’t found me yet – what makes you think you can?* Hooray for mohsye.com, one of the weirdest, most twisted sites on the internet. I was introduced to the site while visiting b3ta.com a few months back (also a sick, evil, deranged excuse for a website). I believe that they had a link leading to the ‘Cat-a-pult’ game. I clicked on the link, and a new window appeared. Game loading it said. I waited, growing more impatient. This had better be worth it, I thought. Eventually the game appeared. I appeared to be situated inside some kind of Roman style amphitheatre with a catapult, with which you were supposed to fire rocks at a load of cats. The aim of the game appeared to be to save the cats from torture and painful death by firing these rocks at them, which in turn would fire them through the windows and doors located in the wall to freedom. If you fail to direct them accurately through the window, well… the sheer force with which the cat hits the surrounding wall means that they never really stand a chance. The sight is not pretty. Ugh, sick, I thought. So why was my hand meanwhile moving the mouse pointer towards the play again button? The answer is that while the deaths were horribly tragic and tragically horrible, they were also kind of funny. As I played the game again, I couldn’t help but laugh as the cute little kitties were hurled against the wall in a mass of blood
and guts. I must stress here that these are cartoon kitties and are in no way realistic looking. I’m not really an evil bastard who chucks cats against walls in my spare time – I never even pulled the legs off spiders as a laugh, to see how they would get around with five legs instead of eight. I have a conscience that tells me that it is not nice to mistreat animals in this way. But everyone has a dark side, and this site is where you can give it some freedom – by playing games with violence, violence, more violence, and a twisted sense of humour. Since I first played Cat-a-pult, Cat-a-pult 2 (aka Catvac) has been developed and put on the site. Instead of a catapult, you are given a trampoline and two vacuum cleaner nozzles to direct your kitties to safety, who appear to be a little low in spirits, seeing as they appear to be trying to kill themselves by hurling themselves off this platform towards this evil pitbull terrier. Don’t have a clue what I’m talking about? It really does need to be played to be believed. It’s like lemmings, except more deranged. Oh, and after you’ve played it, have a quick look at the high score section. Yes, it’s me. Please, no applause. Not all of the games involve mutilating cats, however, despite how fun that may seem. Breeder involves breeding as many rabbits as possible, trying at the same time not to get them killed on the electric fence surrounding the pen in which the rabbits are enclosed, or by being hit by an asteroid (don’t ask me). Harder than it sounds seeing as your rabbits are dumb as f**k, and you can’t tell the males and females apart. Quite a realistic game then. Monkey curling is just as it sounds: curling, except with monkeys. Frisbee dog involves getting your cute little puppy to jump up and catch as many Frisbees as possible, while at the same time trying to avoid catching grenades (for obvious reasons), or these strange looking things with spikes
sticking out around the edge, which have the rather nasty tendency to decapitate your dog. Naturally, if your dog gets killed, it’s pretty unlikely that he' will be able t catch any more Frisbees, and the game is over. And if you really can’t bear the sight of animals being splattered, electrocuted and decapitated, there are a few games that don’t involve animal cruelty - the best of which is Van, if only for the story which precedes the game. Games such as Board? and Van TT are rather too conventional when compared to such great games as Most of the games at the moment are single player, although the creators are developing a multi-user element to the site. At the moment, there is only one game - Monkey Golf. However, it is likely that more games that are multi-player will come in the next few months. There are also some miscellaneous bits in another section of the site, including a cartoon about a conker, but most of them are pretty crappy. Mohsye.com is about weird, wacky and somewhat twisted games - all the rest is unnecessary really. I have two main criticisms of the games in general. As I have mentioned before, the games take ages to load. It feels like you could watch ‘Titanic’ in the time it takes for the game to load, and when all you want to do is take out your frustrations for the day on a few defenceless animals, it is irritating. Secondly, the music is truly awful. Some might say the cheesy music only serves the purpose of making the games even funnier, but I think not. The music is probably worst on Frisbee dog, although it’s pretty bad on all of the games. But you don’t want to turn the speakers off because of sound effects are so good. There is no way of separating the music from the sound effects, something the games could benefit from. Either that or just put some decent backing music on. However, put these criticisms aside, and what you have is a range of strange, bizarre, s
lightly disturbing yet highly addictive games that are easy to get into. Less a website than a tribute to animal cruelty, mohsye.com is not going to appeal to everybody. But if you’ve ever had your pet cat crap in a corner of your bedroom, then bury it with your best shirt, then you will know how satisfying it is to see a bunch of cats being splattered against a wall. It’s less illegal as well, which is good. So turn off your speakers and give it a go. It’s fun, even if you do feel a bit guilty afterwards.