HOW I DIDN'T CONQUER DOOYOO OR ALTERNATIVELY, THE A-Z OF A COMPLETE BANKER (A)

Member Name: marandina

Product:	A
Date:	09/05/03 (76 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: All about me

Disadvantages: I'd read someone else's

What with me in and oot (Naaaaaaaaaarthern expression) of these sites like a fiddler's elbow, I'm surprised that anybody slips me into their COF. Aaaaaaaaaanyhow, as it looks like I'm back by..erm...popular demand (thanks to my one fan) I may as well avail you of my A-Z. Needless to say, this is a very serious journey so be prepared with your lexicon of luuuurve or...erm....dictionary or samfink like that. Actually, I did post an A-Z on Ciao a while back but it went AWOL on account of my closing my account. So if you read that one, this one's different.

A = Anal probe. Yep, there came a time when having watched too much SouthPark, I did a Cartman and was abducted by aliens. This may come as something of a surprise too you but it really did happen. One minute I'm watching I'm a Celebrity get me out of here, the next this light's shining in me back garden. Anyway, I'm whisked into the air and promptly, an alien device in inserted into my....

Of course, A also stands for Aston Villa, my beloved footie club of over 30 years and for my lovely wife, Alison (which feels like 30 years).

B stands for banker. I've been a banker for too many years to mention although I do wish my online friend, Jimblob could say it without mispronouncing it every time. I suppose I went into banking because I always wanted a job with security after something of an unstable childhood. Thing is, I'm still unstable now, what with my psychopathic tendencies and the like. B can also stand for Blackpool and..erm...Birmingham where I was born and bred. I mention Blackpool for no other reason than it's a very nice seaside town.

C = clandestine. This would describe my first meeting with a Dooyooer (Mrs Fishbulb). Yes, our eyes met across the coffee house as we ordered deux cappuccinos. I'd asked Fishy to tell her husband all about us but she refused, preferring to take a gamble on opinionating heaven. After all, what bet
ter way to get to know someone than through their separate belief systems (?) Oh, C can also stand for cats as we've always had 'em and currently have 3. Yes, there's nothing I like better than stroking my pussy after a hard day at it.

D = dynamo which describes lots of people that have a lot of energy and a form of engine/motor device. D also stands for dysfunctional which I can be...erm..when I'm not being functional. D can stand for Dooyoo and the fact that I've never conquered it and don't want to. D also stands for Damned as in - The Damned - probably my joint favourite band along with The Jam. Who can forget the immortal - Rat Scabies, Dave Vanian, Captain Sensible et al?

E stands for every day I'm getting better and better as Frank Spencer's mom used to tell him. E also stands for Emma-Louise, my darling 10-year-old daughter who is closing in on teenagedom far too quickly for us all.

F stands for family <yawn>. Yep, a tad boring I know but I have my mom and 2 brothers. My dad died a few years back. My own family includes my wifee and 2 children - James and Emma.

G stands for grrrrrrrrr...for when I get real angry like when someone's said a rude word or things. G also stands for my goat - Gertie who I am quite close to especially as she makes such nice milk.

H = hello there (I've gone blank).

I : There's no I in team. Goddamit, another one of those American business sayings that enters our language. When will us Brits do our own thang? I is also my mom's real name - Ivy. She hates it with a passion and prefers Sue, which she uses. Sadly, money laundering regulations compel folks to use their real names these days.

J = Jam, probably my favourite band of all time. The best gig I ever went to was to see them at Bingley Hall in Birmingham. Man, the place was jumping although there were a few too many mods for me (didn't you just want to shoot th
at target in their fish tail parkers?!) J is also for James, my beloved 7-year-old son whom I love to bits!

K stands for killer which I turn into when riled. I'm quite dangerous with my vaseline in my hand.

L = llama. For reasons I can't disclose, I've always had a thing for llamas and they make great videos.

M: Mark which is my brother's name. Me and Mark were never really that close as kids but things are different these days as we seem to have found a common understanding since my father's death. He's a mad cabbie in Brum who seems to get by on just a few hours sleep a night. Still, he needs the dosh right now although I do try to counsel him on his workload (to no avail, tsk, brothers)

N = Northampton where I live. No, I've never met Lookaround Café and he's ignoring me anyway right now. Still, we both like movies even if he does watch the odd dodgy one. Northampton is one of the fastest growing towns in the country. It has the advantage of being quite urban but within minutes you are in the country with lots of picturesque pubs within an easy drive. There are several competant reviews on Dooyoo.

O = orifice. Yes, I like food and fill my hole regularly.

P stands for Paul - my chosen monika. It also stands for Peterborough which is where I work as of a couple of weeks ago. It's a bit of a trek daily (88mile round trip) but I'm happy the way things have turned out...eeeeeeeespecially as it was a promotion for me!yeeeeeeaaaaargh!!!

Q = Queen - a really cool rock band.

R: Rumbustuous or rapacious. I suppose it could be rapscallion. I've been accused of this now and again for cheek in the fisrt degree...or was it second degree? Can't remember

S stands for salacious. Yes, grandiose titles and big words could accuse one of being salacious. Personally, I don't think I am...

T: Talented which I ain't..I just try.

U :
Ubiquitous which is a lovely word. It can also stand for UB40 - a group I associate with my upbringing although, why, oh why, did they do "Red, red wine"?

V = Villa, the pride of the Midlands and the greatest club in the whole of..erm..Birmingham. Come on you Villa boys - Champions League next season! (Well, I can dream can't I?)

W = writing. I just love to write and would genuinely love to write properly one day. Well, you know what I mean. I'm intent on writing some proper stuff soon and seeing if I can get published. I suppose I've always loved writing stories but they simply take too long to string together otherwise I'd spend more time writing fiction.

X = xenophobic i.e. what us Brits are too a large degree still. I mean, we are still one of the few races that merely speaks louder as opposed to bothering to learn another language.

Y = Yeeeeeeargghhhh...this is taking too long too do!!

Z stands for Zeberdee, my drug induced friend from the Magic Roundabout who had me spellbound as a kid. Hey, I can hear that theme music now....de de de de durrrrr....

Good night

Marandina

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