IIII tell you what!! (Atkinson, Ron)

Member Name: lap dancer

Product:	Atkinson, Ron
Date:	23/12/02 (815 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: funny, funny, funny

Disadvantages: stupid, offensive, fat

Ron Atkinson, how do I start this little piece, where do I start. The man is a baboon but he has that little thing about him that somehow makes me laugh. Sometimes I don't know what I?m laughing at. Some comments are so stupid I laugh, some are actually rather offensive, I laugh and some just ronninian in style.

Ron or big Ron as he's sometimes known is continually a topic of discussion in the playground. He never fails to bring commotion to the 6th form centre on a Wednesday or a Thursday after the big match on ITV. The man is a legend. However why. As I?ve said before the man is a Burke. In the 1980's big Ron, with his huge sheepskin and huge, thick, tinted glasses looked like an IRA terrorist. He had that shady demeanour about him. He had a reasonably good managerial career, better than it should have been anyway, for someone who seems to know so little about football. He managed Man U, rather unsuccessfully but then went to Villa where he found success in the form of the coca cola cup, if I remember rightly.

However, big Ron has found a new life. It's set inside the studio, that is the ITV arena. Now, I?m going to be as unbiased as possible here because I truly hate ITV commentary. Bring back MOTD.

Big Ron nestles in beside a host of 4 other goons, the only one who makes sense being Robbie Earle.

Ally McCoist, although funny on a question of sport is lost in this intellectual conspiracy. His Scottish accent and stuttering words does not lend itself well to ITV's rather polished finish!!! NOT.

Then there is Andy Townsend who after last seasons performance in the TACTICS TRUCK (chuckle) has really made the seat beside Matt Smith his own!! Andy, his half-Irish half-English accent comes up with some blatantly stupid remarks, none of which I wish to remember and put down on this page.

Then, one more seat, either Barry Venison or Clive Tyldesley (stick to the commentary Cl
ive) and go back home to New-----Castle Barry. Then on the very far seat there is the legend, the big man, it?s Ron.

Now, I hope you appreciate that it is very difficult to talk about Ron without the accent but I?ll try.

As I said earlier Ron is a topic of discussion regularly at school. In fact my mate and me laugh so hard that when we watch the footie Ron?s commentating on we take a note pad and pen and take down anything silly Ron?s said. As you can imagine there is normally a good ¾ side of Ron?s seething humour. We then compare notes the next day in school.

I am now going to hit you with some: (try doing Ron?s accent when you say these)

I tell you what?..
The little ginger fella (scholes)
Magnivicent (correctly spelt)
Late in the day (at the back post)
Phenomenal
Go on son, knock it out of your feet
Full marks to the lad
If there was anyone you?d want to hit it from there it would have to be this lad

That is only a selection of my long notebook. I recommend you try it at home cos it?s given me no end of fun.

The only problem with Ron is, he?s not always in the commentary position, and sometimes he?s in the studio, which is frustrating.

I?ve noticed just recently that Ron has taken up a new role, on ?The Goal Rush? which if you like Ron in the afternoon is a special moment but it?s too early for me, I like to wait for the Premiership at 10:30.

Now its not all rosy cheeks, Ron does come up with some rather offensive and sly remarks. For example, during the world cup he decided to call a German a twat for some reason. It was audible on air but he thought he was off air. He also remarked about Edgar Davids something to do with being blind when Davids suffers from Glaucoma.

You?ve got to ask yourself, is this type of guy we want commentating on our footie. Especially when we?ve got Hansen on BBC whom is a fantastic commentator. I know he go
es on about defence too much, but he?s cracker. Then there?s Gary who?s very funny, let?s not get into Lawro or Trev but they play their part.

One more thing, does Ron actually know anything about footie anyway. Every time there?s a decision made like a penalty or an offside decision Ron, despite having instant replays, always seems to get it wrong. A blatant foul has been committed, ?ohhh I tell you what the lads gone in hard there, but a cracking tackle? what???? Are you completely stupid Ron.

I conclude that despite Ron being funny, either on purpose or purposefully he is fat, jumped up shady guy. He doesn?t know football and he can?t speak, blunt but probably true. Sorry to all you Ron fans out there.

PS: big it up for MOTD

Summary: