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I will be alone on Christmas
Being Alone At Christmas
Member Name: Cammij
Being Alone At Christmas
Date: 01/12/01, updated on 01/12/01 (98 review reads)
Advantages: Won't need to buy presents, no need to decorate
Disadvantages: Absolutely none
I will be all by myself on Christmas but unlike Thanksgiving it will be by choice. My so called family probaly will wonder what is wrong but why should this day be any more special than the 364 others that I am spending in misery and solitude? It is bizarre to think that some particular day can have any signifigance over any other. If my destiny is to be by myself why should I alter my mindstate for one day? Nobody gives a damn about me the rest of the year at least you can let them wonder where you are on one day. The past few months with my wife running off with my kid has been real rough of me and I want to smile while the world kicks me in the mouth. Why bother to pretend that some level of normalcy can be had when in reality it never can be? Last year all of us kids had spouses with us. Now not a single one of us will. That is funny. My family elected to go off and do their own thing and either the big city lights or the roar of the ocean was more important than keeping the family together. And another thing I don't want gifts from anybody. I want what is mine not some scraps.
I will go eat at the shelter for solitary and destitute people. That will make me feel better. There is nothing like seeing poor people suffering that uplifts my spirit. To know that at least I have a nice home and a good job will go far when I see these people. I like seeing poor people trying to dress up and look nice. All they can manage is to look like poor people trying to look nice. I will go eat the ham and turkey and then I will drink a bottle of Southern Comfort and smoke some of my last few packs of Gitanes. I am mad at everyone. All that stuff of the 29 previous Christmases is over and will never be back. I refuse to pretend that the world did not stop turning for me when my wife left. Who knows, maybe next year can be different, or the year after that. But for now it would be wrong to pretend that I have picked myself up and put myself back together.
Anyways I bought some Christmas music to hear on that day. It is called the Mennonite Classical Christmas. It has some Amish kids choir singing in their own "Dietsch" dialect (and that is not Deutsch misspelled). I also got lucky and literally found a new cassette of Irish harp christmas songs. I went to the libray to get some Arabic language tapes and somebody had stuck this tape in with the ones I was supposed to get, is that wild? I am trying to learn Arabic to annoy people, having a knack for languages has been especially fun lately. Maybe something good will be on TV too. That is all I can hope for.
I may have some problems that need worked out. But it won't be any time soon. I think I will get me some of those pickled mushrooms too. A a variety pack of cheese and some of those jello salads. That would be perfect. I might even get some sort of festive potpurri.
All you people that can enjoy the holiday have a great time and appreciate it. Don't worry about some drunk bloke that will be trying ever so hard not to enjoy it. Maybe I can go celebrate with the workers from teh Chinese restaurant. I wouldn't be intruding on them.
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