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It will be lonely without Cliff!
Being Alone At Christmas
Being Alone At Christmas
Date: 10/12/01, updated on 22/05/02 (17 review reads)
Advantages: Not many
Disadvantages: As yo do
Top ten Christmas list for lonely soles.
1) Usama bin Laden…Doesn’t celebrate the season of good will and wont be decorating his cave. Has no friends, as they will trade him in to America for $25 million. Has a risky upbringing of booze, girls and Jonathan King parties. Not a good Muslim youth.
2) Liz Hurley…..Had to take drastic measures after yet more film flops and successful ones for her leading man. Jealousy often drives beautiful attention seekers to not so calculating risks. Kate Winslett is not the only British actress who will sleep around to make it big (get it) and “fill”the tabloids for publicity.
3) Chris Eubank……The obnoxious plonker is stuck in the Middle East for over two months now as he’s afraid of flying back to England after Sep 11.Hes been crawling back on planes trains and automobiles with him currently cowering in the Yeomen.
Will the wally make it home to his family and friend in Brighton and Hove.Do they want him to. Does any of us want him to!.
4) Gordon Brown……..A man confused about his career prospects, as he is his sexuality. While Blair goes back on his pledge to share the presidency, err Prime ministers job, becoming more God like every day. He is going to be left to go down with the American led recession.
5) Michael Owen……The poor boy is stuck up front on his own now that Fowlers gone.All he has for company is the musclehead Heskey and the permanent injury that is Litumen.If Billy Whiz is injured then Liverpool’s title challenge disappears down the tube.
6) George Bush…..A peanut of a brain hidden in a vast dank dark head full of booming guns and baseball scores. The man with his finger on the button with Iraq on the errr mind.
7) Prince Edward…..No one thinks the poor chap is male enough to take the royal purse. And now his wife has lost the baby, in his mind yet more of a refle
ction of how inadequate he is to the notion. He looked totally bemused holding that explosion of flowers outside of the hospital.
I actually felt sorry for him for the first time ever.
8) Alex Ferguson…. The embattled Man United boss ahs band all media contact to him and his team. No one is allowed anywhere near the Theatre of Dreams to criticize the team.
But fear not newshounds, the legendary manage has a book out next week for Christmas detailing his last year in charge of the worlds biggest club. The red nose one will be available and keen as Posh Spice at the MTV awards.
9) The women of Afghanistan…….Even though they Muslim faith in the embattled country don’t celebrate the nativity,there is few Christmas cheer for the girls still imprisoned under the burkha and strict Islamic rule.
Kabul women are still beaten for showing flesh or laughing loudly under the new far evil anarchic tribal regimes.
It’s not the Thalban that are out of order or the religion, but the men.
The Americans will soon be retiring to the oilfields in the New Year to leave them to starve and fend for themselves.
10) Yassa Araft and Sharon……I think just about everyone on this planet would like to see them as the next suicide bombers in a desert all alone on Christmas Eve.
Again this is totally tongue in cheek with fairy lights on it. A nice pristine white angel smiling down from the tree. If anyone tells me I can’t spell again I will tell them, ta feck of owt of it.
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