Sense of Humor Gone Awry. (Favourite Christmas Songs)

Member Name: DiFranco01

Product:	Favourite Christmas Songs
Date:	30/11/01 (1355 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Puts me in the Christmas spirit.

Disadvantages: Offends some people. Annoys the rest. But still, it makes me happy anyway.

Being a somewhat cynical, dry-humored person, I often find myself shaking my head at the idea of Christmas. Now, I enjoy the traditional celebration of Jesus' birth, but anything else is just plain commercialism in my book. Exchanging gifts with family members and other loved ones is great, as it symbolizes (to me, at least) the giving of God and Jesus. That is, so long as a bit of thought and PLENTY of love are put into the gifts. (Grabbing any old thing off the shelves for good old Dad to open on the twenty-fifth just doesn't cut it in my book, ladies and gentlemen.)

Eating turkey or ham and other side dishes with my family is also good, as it gives us a chance to enjoy the fruits of our collective laboring. We all contribute to the meal in some way or another: Even the youngest, my 12 year-old sister, helps by setting the table or giving Mom a hand with the turkey. Whatever the case, we can all relax and enjoy a home-cooked feast together. The quality time shared over the dinner table is second to none, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world.

The rest, of course, just plain sucks. I can't stand walking around town in mid-October and seeing the Christmas decorations. People can't get started with the holiday cheer soon enough, or so it seems. Before we put on our outlandish costumes and trick-or-treat, plastic Day-Glo Santa Clauses are hanging out on our rooftops and front yards. "Whoopee, Christmas will be here in another two months," I say to myself with a false sense of excitement.
"You're not going to be like THAT again this year, are you?" asks my mother - who seems to instinctively know exactly what I'm thinking when the first plastic Rudolph finds his way into the front window of the department store.
"Like what? Cynical? Yes. Unhappy with the commercialistic aspects of Christmas? Yes. Of course."
My mother sighs and tosses another bag of cand
y into the shopping basket. "Could you TRY to find some cheer in the holiday season for ONCE in your life?"

I ponder her query, and decide to do exactly as she wishes. I am going to enjoy Christmas - somehow, some way, I WILL have fun this year!

That was three years ago, when I was still a skinny, unsentimental seventeen year-old kid with a mohawk and several earrings - not to mention a leather jacket and a sneer for holiday shoppers.

I came home and decided that Christmas music would be a great start towards getting me into the holiday spirit. I flipped through my vast CD collection, absently searching for something that would cheer me up.

I finally settled on the following songs. They are all either bitter ranting about Christmas, or parodies of "real" holiday songs. Either way, when I play these (beginning right after Thanksgiving) I am put into a WONDERFUL mood. It is unconventional, and most are either offended or depressed by it, but this is how I fulfill my mother's request, and it is a start towards the good cheer and tidings of great joy that have carried me through every Christmas since I first discovered this "method" of boosting my spirits.

Insane Clown Posse - "Santa's A Fat B***h" This is a very old rap song that ICP recorded several years ago, but finally relesed on their "Forgotten Freshness" 2-disc set. It is a parody type of song, in which Santa Claus visits ICP's ghetto. Instead of lavishing them with the gifts they've "earned" by being good, he leaves a tiny lump of hardened coal in the cupboard. Talk about getting snuffed!

"Santa Claus is a fat b***h...another year and I didn't get sh*t...if he lands his a** on my roof..." The chorus is particularly humorous, but the fast-paced rap also makes me grin.

I refer to this tune as "My Christmas song" - and my family cringes ever
y Thanksgiving, when I rise from the table and announce that I am going to my room "to get into the Christmas spirit."


Another song that I particularly enjoy is the parody of "Walking In a Winter Wonderland." Instead, the parody is entitled "Walking 'Round In Women's Underwear" and is sung by a slightly-deranged man.
"Later on, if you wanna / We can dress like Madonna..." oh yes, Christmastime is absolutely GREAT when this song is playing!

Honestly, for a great album filled with holiday cheer, I highly recommend "Twisted Christmas" by Bob Rivers. It is packed to the gills with Christmas carol parodies and other like-minded songs that will DEFINITELY put even the biggest Scrooges out there into the Yuletide spirit! It's absolutely great, with tracks such as "Little Hummer Girl" and "Walking 'Round In Women's Underwear" among other hilarious parodies.

And then, when the songs made by other artists are tiring out, I sing a snippet of a parody that I either heard from some anonymous source a million years ago or sort of wrote on my own. I really can't remember which, but the part that I sing goes something like this:

"Beer nuts roasting on an open fire...Jack Daniels nipping at my nose..." I don't sing very well generally, but I make every effort to sound sophisticated when I walk 'round the house with this stuck in my head. It makes me smile - and encourages the Christmas spirit to rush through my soul like cool water in a stream.


Truly, I am a cynic, and am often distasteful of Christmas and other commercialized holidays. So, playing the above songs helps put me into a more cheerful, generous, and peaceful frame of mind. Which, in turn, enables me to enjoy the holidays despite all of the things about them that make me want to bleed from both eyes. (Such as holiday shoppers crowding the
malls, fake Santa Clauses urging children to sit on their laps, et cetera). Merry Christmas to you, and I hope that every one of us finds a way to enjoy the holiday season regardless of what's going on around us (or in our minds - I understand that some people DO have a hard time enjoying Christmas and other holidays because of lost loved ones and other tragedies that wrench our hearts and bruise our souls).

Summary: