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      19.02.2004 18:14
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      The last time I was out partying with one of my friends at a work function last week i got the mother of all hangovers the following morning, so I thought I would share this with you - the degree's of hangovers and how to cure them, my way!! **1 star hangover ** No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your slept in your own bedand when you woke up their were no traffic cones in there with you. You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka redbulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries. **ADVICE** Drink lots of water to stay hydrated. ** 2 star hangover ** No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast. Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails. **ADVICE** Have that bacon roll you craved and drink lots of water ***3 star hangover * * * Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friendsafter the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once. **ADVICE** Keep drinking as much fluid
      as possible, have some paracetamol if the headache gets worse and leave the coffe out. ****4 star hangover * * * * You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving or it looks like you put your make-upon while riding the dodgems, ( depending on your gender. ) Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the second-gradeclass picture circa 1976. You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - Home time, a doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before. You scare small children in the street just by walking past them. **ADVICE** Take 2 paracetamols (or the equivalent headache cure), drink a pint of water every hour and eat something greasy to line your stomach. *****5 star hangover * * * * * You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.(this is probably happening right now) Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right now.(it certainy does) Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let'
      ;s face it, all you can manage to do is breathe.......very gently. **ADVICE** Take the relevant headache cure, drink a pint of milk and have some breakfast, especially bacon and eggs because it will line your stomach. If you cant face that, then try some toast with butter on it. But ensure you do drink lots of fluids to flush your system out. ******6 star hangover * * * * * * You arrive home and climb into bed. Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that you bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room. No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck. You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail. After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet. If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls. You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. (Hands up who does this!!) Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived. Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark. With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent. You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils projectile out your mouth on the last occasion. It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for th
      e day as you try to climb into bed. She/He abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair. You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital. Work is not an option. The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving. You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed **ADVICE** Make sure you have again taken headache tablets. One thing which does help when you are sick is Milk and Magnesia, even though it tastes foul, it does help to settle your stomach and you should always try and eat something no matter how ill you feel. Sleep will also make you feel better, so even if your only sleeping for the odd ten minutes or so and then waking up, it does make you feel better. For the rest of the day i would stay away from chocolate, sweets and cake. **The best advice** When you do go out drinking and know you are going to consume large quantities, make sure you drink water throughout the night as well as alcohol, make sure you have something to eat before you go out and that means something other than a packet of crisps in the pub, a good meal is the best option and before you go to bed, take 2 paracetamol and drink a pint of milk and you wont have such a bad hangover. If you forget, well get down to Mcdonalds, have a big mac meal with a coke and make your way through the meal, if you dont chuck up in Mcdonalds then you will be fine for the rest of the day!!

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        07.12.2001 22:06
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        I am when of the fortunate few who don't usually suffer hangovers (yay!) but I thought I'd be kind and share my remedies. 1. (and this won't work for everyone!!!) Mix your drinks! yes the one thing your mum told you not to do, but I always feel awful if I stick to the same drink all night. 2. Fresh orange always works for me too, but if you drink the fresh orange the night before you don't get the hangover to need the cure. Now you're thinking what if I'm so drunk I don't remember, simple...vodka & fresh orange, tequila & fresh orange, curaco & fresh orange, get the idea? How much more fun could it be? 3. Bacon Butties, yum. I guess this is along the lines of a fry-up, but who wants to cook a fry-up (or go out in the sun to find one) when they're suffering? So nice and simple and quick. 4. Finally, my bloke swears by this...mini cheddars! He says it really works, but to me that lovely cheesey smell would just make me feel worse!

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          22.09.2001 23:25

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          Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! Minor to bowl, left arm over with a bit of cuntish bounce OOOOH HES BOWLED HIM MIDDLE STUMP OUT OF THE GROUND. WADEYS BACK IN THE PAVILION!!! V

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          22.09.2001 23:20
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          We all know that the best cure for a hangover is another drink you know hair of the dog and all that but I think I have found the ideal cure for me and it has worked for many of my friends. Now I do like a drink but if I have a drink in the morning then come 3pm on saturday afternoon I am in the pub so I devised the most disgusting drink I could think of that would not make me badly ill and horrifyingly enough it worked so here it is. Take a glass and place it in the freezer for half an hour. Take two raw eggs,salt a pinch of,Milk full fat,two spoons of sugar and a dissolvable Nurofen tablet. Take glass out of freezer and place in Milk add eggs,salt,sugar,and nurofen whisk together and knock back. After the shock has gone and about 10 mins of retching has passed you will start to feel your head clear and believe it or not I start to recover an appitite and then have a few slices of toast. I then feel fit and ready to face the day and no more headache or sickness. Please don't try this unless you are willing to feel extremely sick for a couple of minutes but after that all will be fine I hope. Best cure is not to over do it but hey we all do so give it a go if your brave enough.

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            22.09.2001 22:56
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            Never again! Never ever again! Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever again! I think you're beginning to get the picture now. I mean it, I'm sure you've heard it all before, but after the way I felt earlier this morning, I am never, ever going to drink again!!! It all seemed like a good idea at the time. A trip to Sainsbury's ended with a 12-pack of San Miguel under my arm, and you know how it is, one bottle led to another until there were only three left. I might have got away with it if I'd left it there, but in my wisdom I decided a trip to the local club was in order, so several more beers and the piece de resistance, a double Southern Comfort later I was strutting my funky stuff on the dance floor without a care in the world. And then I woke up earlier today. Ouch! In fact, I don't think ouch quite does it justice. We are talking the worlds worst hangover. My head felt like a very big herd of rather large and distinctly heavy footed wildebeest had decided to thunder through it, all at the same time. And as for the way my stomach was feeling, well, it really does defy words. I didn't feel well, and to be honest I wasn't looking all that good. I think the words 'pale', 'pasty' and 'sweaty, smelly waster' were terms used by my endearing housemates! With friends like these eh! Still, I shouldn't be too harsh about these people as they did help drag me out of the depths of despair this hangover had left me in by wandering down to the local chemist in search of a cure. I?d have gone myself, but it was all I could do to drag myself to the bathroom to be, how can I put this, 'ill' so the prospect of getting dressed and staggering to the shops wasn?' a good one. A few minutes later and the recovery began. The obvious problems with a hangover are the stinking headache and
            the aching tummy, so in their wisdom my mates brought me a hangover cure that included something to help both of these symptoms. They bought me some Rennie Resolve. When I say bought me they aren't that generous, they were more than happy to relieve me of the £3.49 cost for 10 sachets once they had returned, but it seemed a fair trade to me, I even gave them 10p for going like my mum used to do for me. Strangely enough they weren't too impressed! Anyway, the label says the sachets are designed to be used for 'Relief of headache with gastric upset, particularly associated with overindulgence in food or drink or both' I think that overindulgence statement certainly applied to me! You mix one sachet with some water, let it all dissolve then drink it down. Yum Yum! Let me tell you, they don't sell these because they taste nice! OK, they are not as awful as a couple of soluble Alka Seltzer, but they don;t taste like a nice glass of Vimto either. Still, that will teach me to over indulge and if it's going to help, it's definately worth the sacrifice my taste buds were making. Now for the serious bit, what does each sachet contain and what will it do for you. Well, each sachet has:- 1. 1000mg of Paracetamol This is the same amount of paracetamol you get from taking two tablets from your average paracetamol packet. As most of you probably know, paracetamol is used for the relief of mild to moderate pain, but it also helps relieve pyrexia (high temperature to you and me!). It has the advantage over Aspirin of not being quite so irritating to your stomach, but the disadvantage than an overdose of paracetamol can do some very dangerous things to your body, so never take more than the recommended amount unless you want to die a slow and painful death!!! 2. 30mg Ascorbic Acid Sounds terrible doesn't it, acid in your hangover cure! Don't worry, this is just another name for Vitami
            n C. I'm not quite sure what this does for you apart from warding off scurvy, and I don't think I'm in danger of succumbing to that quite yet, but it's not bad for you, so why complain! 3. 808mg Sodium bicarbonate This is an antacid, which essentially decreased the amount of acid in your stomach, thus reducing stomach irritation and the chances of losing your lunch! It?s also used to relieve dyspepsia, which to the average man (and woman!) in the street is just indegestion! 4. 153mg Citric acid (anhydrous) This works in a similar way to Vitamin C, preventing scurvy. Quite why Rennie have this obsession with preventing scurvy I'm not too sure, but if it's in there, it must be doing me some good! 5. 153 mg Potassium bicarbonate (anhydrous) Essentially this aids rehydratrion, and as the main cause of your blasting headache is probably dehydration, tips is definately the stuff required! By the way, the anhydrous just means it contains no water! 6. 715mg Potassium bicarbonate You guessed it, the same stuff but containing water! Phew, wasn't that boring! Still, that's the science over and done with. So, the upshot of all these ingredients is all parts of your hangover are taken care of in one solution. There's something for the stomach, something for the head, something to help rehydrate you and something to stop scurvy!!!! At 35p a solution this all seems well worth it to me, all you need in one sachet. But does it work? Well, it did for me, in conjunction with drinking copious amounts of water and a few hours after taking the sachet, a big greasy fry up! It doesn't immediately make you feel better, but within 30 minutes my head had begun to clear and that bugger playing drums in my stomach seemed to have gone to sleep. Within an hour I was pretty much back to normal, although to be honest I'm not in tip top condition at the be
            st of times. I really must start going to the gym sometimes! So, it works and only costs 35p a shot and it?s easy to use. Enough said! Apart from to say the best hangover cure is not to get so drunk in the first place, but that's not half as much fun!

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              06.09.2001 18:03
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              A hangover is the result of the intake of excess alcohol – now what would I know about that? Ahem! No, seriously I have been known to over indulge on occasions and these are the various remedies that I have tried. The best thing to do is to try and minimise the problem on the night before when the actual drinking takes place. 1. Drink water before you go out so that you are not thirsty when you arrive at your destination. Drinking alcohol to quench a thirst is NOT a good idea at all! 2. Eat something before you go out, or drink some milk – a bowl of cereals with milk would be ideal. Alcohol always has a faster effect on an empty stomach. 3. Pace yourself. For example my tipple is usually dry white wine (so if you see me in the pub you know what to get!) so I would drink spritzer made with dry white wine and slimline tonic. That way I get more drink for the same amount of alcohol. At a party I tend to refill my glass with wine and water alternately. The liquid in the glass looks the same either way so no one comments and I don’t drink as much. 4. This brings me on to the very best tip I was ever given – when you get home after a night on the ‘pop’ drink at least a pint of water before you go to bed. The hangover the next morning is caused by dehydration and the pint of water gives you a head start (if you’ll forgive the pun) towards combating it. This may be quite difficult if you hve had a lot to drink – trying to drink a pint of water may make you feel nauseous but do it if you possibly can it really does help. OK so you’ve been out on the town and you’ve woken up the next morning thinking ‘Never again!’ – your body will be dehydrated, you may have a headache and feel nauseous. So now what do you do? 1. Drink as much water as you can to replace the fluid lost that is rehydrate your body. 2. Drink pure orange jui
              ce as he vitamin C helps to combat the symptoms of a hangover. 3. Go out for a walk if you can – fresh air and exercise help to get your body functioning normally again. 4. If you feel really ill lie down if you can and rest – remembering to drink plenty of water of course. 5. If your eyes are sensitive to the light, then wear dark glasses. 6. DO NOT take a ‘hair of the dog’ i.e. a further drink, as this will only make the situation worse. 7. DO NOT take aspirin, as this will make the stomach inflammation worse. 8. Take a specialist hangover cure such as Alka Seltzer XS or Beechams Resolve. They really do work! If your hangover isn’t too bad it will clear within an hour of taking one of these remedies. A real belter of a hangover will take a bit more shifting – they don’t perform miracles! 9. Have an early night – a good night’s sleep works wonders. Well, that’s about it. Hangovers are never easy to deal with and we always say we’ll never do it again don’t we – but we invariably do! At least when you wake up feeling like ‘death warmed up’ you know that is the worst you’re going to feel – it can only get better from that point on!

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                25.07.2001 00:25
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                I have had many a hang over in my time, not that I am bragging or anything. It amazes me how you can go out one night and drink a skin full to wake up bright as a button the next morning. Another night out and you think that you are ok only to wake up with a thousand little hammers giving it ‘Whotto’ in your head. If you are able to lay in bed and just hide under the quilt till sun-down then I suggest that you drink about two or three pints of water and forget about the world. You will surface about three in the afternoon looking like a wet dish cloth but after a cold shower you will be fine. However; if you are unfortunate enough to have to make an entrance at work then you will have to take other measures to get yourself firing on full cylinders. Step 1. Stick one leg out of the bed until you feel the floor beneath you. Step 2. Roll over very gently and at the same time attempt to open your eyes. Step 3. Stand by the bed and get your bearings for a few seconds, if you want to collapse do fall back wards onto the mattress, we don’t want you hurting yourself! If you are still upright then you are doing very well and a quick toddle to the bathroom will get your body functioning. Step 4. Drink at least two pints of water, I find that soda water is far more effective than normal tap water it helps you to bring up the wind as well as giving your kidneys a good flush out. Step 5. Turn on shower, cold water only, and lean against the tiles for support whilst the water wakes you up. This does work if you are brave enough to stay under it for at least five minutes. If nausea has set in and your stomach is now churning over all that alcohol, then I suggest a dry cracker to nibble on or a piece of toast for Step 6. There you should be feeling a lot better by now, if not then: Step 7. Phone in sick with a stomach bug and have a hair of the dog before retiring back to bed
                for the day. I hope that this has been of some help.

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                  23.02.2001 04:54
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                  Forget drinking raw eggs, forget drinking 2 litres of water or orange juice and forget greasy fried food or a kebab. We all do it, none of us can justify why but drinking tends to cause us a lot of grief the following morning when we have to work or just do stuff. Resolve is the simple hang-over cure that doesn't require you to eat or drink any of the things I mentioned above. I discovered Resolve earlier last year, when a friend of mine suggested I buy it. Resolve simply contains all kinds of great goodness, including ascorbic acid that replaces Vitamin C in our bodies. It helps to calm down your stomache and contains paracetamol to cure your headache too. It also contains various vitamin supplements and minerals that all work to combat that terrible feeling the morning after the night before. Resolve comes as a powder in a sachet and is mixed with water to form a drink. This drink tastes weird, it's a bit like lemon. It tastes OK and from the moment you drink it, you'll start to feel the effects. The great thing about Resolve is that it works. It is the most effective hang over cure that I have found, and believe me I have tried a lot of them. They are sold in either packs of 5 or 10 sachets. The 5 sachet pack cost me £2.09 from Co-op pharmacy although I believe it is cheaper in supermarkets. If you still haven't found the hang-over cure that suits you, try Resolve. You never know, it just might work as well for you as it has for me, giving us more leaway for heavier drinking.

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                  04.02.2001 06:14
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                  I know the familiar phrase, "never again", there are however a number of measures that you can take to prevent this absolutely hell-bound moment. As mentioned before,plenty of water is the main key to ridding the hangover before sleep.Hangovers are caused by two factors: first is the dehydration and secondly is the lack of "proper" sleep.Water will cure the first of these,I know that drinking water is the last thing you want to do.The trick is to sip the water, at least a couple of glasses, preferably 1 pint of water for every pint of alcohol.Avoid dark drinks and spirits such as Brandy and dark rum;these all contain substances to make the hangover worse. I'll try not to get too technical here but the reason why water prevents hangovers is that when alcohol is drunk it is metabolised with water to form a substance called ethyl ethanoate (we'll call it EE for short) . This is the real baddy of the piece,this gives the upset stomach and headache. By drinking water,it throws the process into reverse and instead of winding up in your head it is safely passed out. (A word of warning:Kaliber and low-alcohol drinks can sometimes contain ethyl ethanoate as a "flavouring," some sick puppy thought he'd cause the effect of the hangover without the booze!) One way to tell if a hangover is imminent is the taste of apples on your breath. This is actually the taste of the dreaded EE substance, so drink some water pronto! Also whatever you do,do not have anything with vinegar when drinking.This combines with the EE,to form an extremely acidic mixture that will give the wee stomach effects. If the worst does come to the worst and you wake up with one,the best thing to do is drink water or an isotonic drink like lucozade.This will help control the after-dehydration and get back on the road to recovery.I also find eating high-carbohydrate food such as bread helps. This is from a pe
                  rson who enjoys the high life,but has had to deal with the low-life the morning after!

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                    22.12.2000 19:36
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                    It's common knowledge that most of the hangover symptoms are caused by dehydration. So if you are planning a boozing session, you should always drink some water (mineral water or plain tap water) in between pints and other goodies. People always laugh at me about that because I have developed a routine of drinking some booze and then pause for a while to drink water (or soft drinks) and then go on boozing. But it's worthwhile being called a whuss and laughed about if you can avoid the headache the next morning. :-) Another thing is food. You should have eaten well before you start drinking and eating something in between helps as well. Please don't experiment with potions made from raw egg and other disgusting ingredients. a) I'm quite convinced it will send you off talking to God through the big white telephone the moment the gooey substance hits your stomach b) consuming raw eggs involves a high risk of salmonella poisoning which is something I would not under any circumstances recommend to anyone not even my worst enemy (on second thought...yes, probably to my worst enemy but no one else!). A cold shower in the morning might do it for you and if you can force something down your neck a good breakfast helps you over the worst part of a hangover (salt or sugar to make up for the mineral loss), fresh fruit for the vitamins (if your stomach agrees) are good, too. Make sure you get enough sleep to recover and if nothing else helps, take some paracetamol (paracetamol isn't as hard on the stomach as for example aspirin is). I've found though that drinking water in between rounds reduced the worst hangover symptoms by 80% right away and if I manage to discipline myself and don't smoke too much, I'll be fine. (I usually don't smoke, only when I'm out partying)

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                      21.12.2000 20:45
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                      Christmas is a time that will bring out the drinker in all but a few of us, so whats the point in worrying about hangover cures. I say just go with it, if you feel like you want to die on christmas morning because you overdid it on christmas eve, dont panic just let the knowledge that you had a crazy night with your mates and loved ones console those ill feelings, be happy that at least you didn't have to get up for work, but if you did have to get up for work then you need to find yourself a better job. And then finally when youve eaten your christmas lunch and vomitted it back up, take yourself of to the pub or crack open the stellas and Jack daniels, then proceed to do the same thing all over again. Continue this drunken behaviour until about the 2nd of Jan and youll be fine for the whole christmas period, you pussys!

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                      19.12.2000 16:51
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                      For this remedy you will need: 1 pair of stout boots 1 good sized mountain (3000' is best but a smaller one will suffice) 1 packed lunch (left over turkey is fine) At least 1 friend equipped with an equally horredous hangover. Plenty of tea and water. A good helping of British weather. Scottish snow is best but Welsh wind or English rain will do. 1 cosy, country pub with an open fire. METHOD Upon rising ignore your initial desire to stay in bed groaning. Put boots on ASAP, this reduces the likelyhood of you returning to bed: girlfriends hate you wearing boots in bed. Kick your fellow sufferers out of their pits. Be firm, use all means necessary, ear pulling and water pistols are effective. Cram as many bacon sandwiches and tea down your necks as possible whilst simultaneously assembling the parafanalia of the mountaineer. Upon arrival at the mountain, fight apathy and get out of the warm car. Assemble your party and plod up the mountain. Indulge yourselves with profuse swearing. Here are some useful phrases: "Whose bloody idea was this?" "We must be mad" "Ooh mah head is sore" "My mouth tastes like a mujahadeen's armpit." On no account utter a phrase such as, "Sod this for a game of soldiers!" As you are all thinking it and it only takes one person to say it for the day to be abandonded. Whinge about every subject imaginable; from the weather to the body odour of the chap ahead of you. After 25 minutes your head will stop throbbing and the alcohol in your breath will reduce to a level that it no longer thaws the snow on the track ahead. Chat will turn to the events of the previous evening and less will be said about imminent head explosions. Attain the summit and pose for smug photos. Think of lesser people still rotting in their pit
                      s and feel superior. At best speed, make for the country pub. Fight for who will drive home, then begin working earnestly on tomorrow's hangover. Repeat as often as holidays and/or girlfriend allows. Enjoy!

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                        10.12.2000 05:00
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                        “Don’t drink in the first place” Ha ha ha. The only time this doctrine is ever remembered is about three seconds AFTER the realisation has come over you that you don’t feel very well. In fact, you have a very limited amount of time to reach the porcelain phone and chat to your good friend Hughie. It could be just as you have lain down, in which case you look at the ceiling, see it revolving and think “Ohhhhhhhhhhh Noooooooooooooooo!” before ensuring that the carpets on the route to your bathroom will never be the same again. It could be while you are still out partying, making you head for the nearest tap in a desperately belated attempt to drink some sobering water, which simply advertises to everybody the fact that you are about to hurl violently. Only then do you remember that you shouldn’t have drunk so much in the first place and, in the words of T.S. Eliot, it is by then “Late, too late, and rotten the year”. There are plenty of things you can do to PREVENT a hangover, but is anyone really that organised? Eating something before you start swigging allows you to imbibe more as, supposedly, does drinking olive oil, but if half a pint of Filippo Berio Extra Virgin doesn’t make you chunder, I don’t know what will. It is easy enough to say “Well I won’t drink that much anyway”, thus doing away with the need for preventative measures – it is only later that you wish you had taken them after all. The only advice I can give on the preventative side of things is to remember to drink water occasionally in between the stages of your binge. Water is your friend, (unless you are the sort of moron who takes Ecstasy, but that’s nothing to do with this subject). The more water you can drink before you stop the booze, the less likely it is that you will have a hangover. Unfortunately, there comes a point, usually very sudden and precise, at which you
                        realise you have drunk too much, and by this time there is no way of avoiding a hangover. This is the time for “Damage Limitation Procedures” – a method which will hopefully reduce the next morning’s effects sufficiently for you to live, if nothing else. 1. Before Going To Bed. You desperately want to go to bed. There is nothing in the world that you want to do more than thud onto the pillow and sink into oblivion. But wait! That oblivion won’t last long. It will be no time at all until you wake up and feel like s**t, so take some action NOW. However close to unconsciousness you are, MAKE yourself drink water. One pint – you’re doing well. Two – now you’re on your way to recovery. Take a couple of paracetamol to try and reduce the inflammation of your brain. Put another glass of water within reach of your bed because you WILL wake up in the middle of the night feeling as though Satan is stoking up a new department in your mouth, and the last thing you want to do is have to get up and crash down the stairs to the kitchen. 2. During the night You might wake up worrying about what a hangover you are going to have in the morning – take the opportunity to get some more water inside you while you can, and maybe some more paracetamol as long as you know that the last lot was at least four hours ago. 3. In the morning Oh dear. Lying in bed, you might not feel too bad as the effects probably haven’t worn off yet. You will, however, THINK it’s going to be really bad, and the more you lie in bed, the more you dread getting out of it. Therefore, get your butt out from under the duvet as soon as possible after you’ve woken up – at least then you’ll know the severity of what you’re about to go through. Brush your teeth immediately – you will feel a bit better for getting rid of the taste of ferret poo from your mouth. Drink a
                        whole can of Coke and eat something sugary like a Mars Bar - even if you immediately chuck it up, at least you will have raised your blood sugar a bit. Get outside and breathe in as much fresh air as you can before you have to head back to the bog (this works better if it’s really cold). There’s not a lot else you can do except brush your teeth again and go back to bed. A bit of a bummer if it happens to be Christmas Day, but it's pretty much tough really. By mid afternoon, you should feel better and ready to go out on another bender. Or maybe never again, for a couple of days at least.

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                          28.11.2000 03:35
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                          As Christmas rapidly approaches almost everyone will be drinking more than ususal, and that inevitably means that more people will have hangovers. Of course, nobody likes hangovers so people will do anything they can to avoid them, so here is my advice on how to stay well after a big night out this Christmas. Of course the only way to completely prevent a hangover is to not drink at all, but who wants to do this, Christmas is the time for fun. First of all, I can't stress how important it is to eat plenty before you go out. I know everyone says this but it really is true, having a good meal before drinking really does allow you to drink more than you could without eating, or at least stop you being ill!! In addition to this its not a bad idea to eat a little when you are drinking, even if its only some peanuts or crisps its better than nothing and really does soak up the alcohol. Ideally I always try to have some hot food when I'm out, be it chips, a burger or kebab etc. or if I'm drinking in the house then I'm most likely to be eating anyway. One method I've heard of people using is alternating alcohol with soft drinks, and while this is likely to be a good idea it can often make you seem a lightweight in front of your friends. Whether this is a problem or not depends on you and who your friends are, while I don't think an OAP is going to be frowned upon for this in a group of lads you just might! One way round this is to drink bottles of beer or lager (if you drink beer or lager!) rather than pints, these contain just over half a pint so its a good way to keep your alcohol intake down and still look good in front of your friends. Another thing I found useful was dancing, the activity seems to soak up some of that alcohol. Spending half an hour on the dancefloor can do you no end of good, and your much more likely to pull there than sitting in the corner with your drink!! One thing I must say is that a regular al
                          cohol intake seems to make you immune to it, I am in no way saying you should drink 10 pints a night until christmas but I am saying that if you haven't drunk alcohol for a year don't expect to be able to drink like a fish, what I mean is take it easy to start with. I would also have to say that it is not a good idea to mix your drinks too much, if at all. While it may be a little boring drinking the same drink all night it will help to keep you sober and therefore avoid the hangover the next day. My last point about the night out itself; walk home! OK, if you live 10 miles away you won't but if your house is a mile away then resist that little voice inside you that says call a taxi, the exercise and the fresh air will sober you up so much. Of course I wouldn't recommend this if you've already had too many, or you may wake up in the morning lying in the field outside your house!!! So now you have arrived back home, you know you've drunk too much so what can you do to stop that hangover. First of all drink loads, NOT alcohol though, plain simple tap water. The more you can force down you the better and then you should get straight to bed. Being tired magnifies the effect of a hangover, so get a good nights sleep; or at least as good as how long you have left when you finally stagger home. You shouldn't have too much trouble in nodding off, when I've had a bit to drink I go to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Next you wake up in the morning, give yourself a few moments to see how you feel and then decide on a course of action. If you feel as if your about to die then I'd reccommend you stay in bed a bit (or more like a lot) longer. If you feel a little ill then Id try one of the hangover cures Ill tell you about in a moment. If you however feel fine then congratulations, you (hopefully) had fun, drank plenty, but by carefully following my tips (ahem!) you have avoided a hangover. Now for the han
                          gover cures, which of these work for you, if any, is simply a matter of experimentation. First you could try the hair of the dog, basically involving downing a copious glass of alcohol, apparently it sorts you out fine but it could also send you running to the toilet. Next there is the protein drink, basically put raw egg whites in any drink you like and down that, in my opinion just as likely to send you running to the toiler but I know people who swear by it. Thirdly you could try taking some pain killers, or even better some of the specially made hang over pills, these are my choice for the odd occaison I ignore my own tips!! There we go, it took a little longer than I expected but here is my complete and (hopefully) comprehensive hangover cure and prevention guide. Hope it works, and PARTY ON!!

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                          25.11.2000 17:44
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                          I graduated earlier this year and as a student was known to have to odd drinking sesh. However I rarely felt the effects the next morning. I have thought about this a lot, tried to work out what I did and the answer is simple. I never got up the next morning. Far better just to stay in bed. If I felt bad the next afternoon then it was tough. My 21st birthday is a case in point. I was already unable to stand, talk remember by the time my 'friends' gave me a pint with eight shots and something called 'wild brew' in. Well that went straight down (an unhelpful skill, necking pints at times like this). Shortly after the drink went down, so did I, down the steps in the club I was in. Anyway back to the hangover bit. I awoke at about 2:30 the next afternoon, unaware both where I was and my clothes were and feeling a bit ill. In this instance I had not allowed enough time to sleep it off, generally it works. And for all of those who worry about students I did make it to my tutorial that afternoon, I just said nothing, wrote nothing and sort of rocked back and forwards a bit. Tutor seemed to notice no difference to normal. For those of us who cannot sleep in, as I can't now I work, water (as said by everyone else) is the best. Drink before sleep, have it by the bed for the middle of the night and the morning. In an episode of Cheers Woody once said his patented hangover cure was to go home, take two paracetemoln and then make yourself chuck till it hurts. This probably works as you get rid of the alcohol quickly, but I think there are medical risks to making yourself puke. My friend used to do it halfway through the night so he could drink more. Don't reccomend it myself. My last tip is to have rather strict grandparents over. I once got a bit drunk on X-mas eve and awoke feeling very ill. When they arrived I perked up as did not want a day of lectures from them. That said I was internally dying still, but externally fine. My last tip
                          is to turn the heating off. If you are going to wake dehydrated, having a hot house/room will only make you feel worse, as I found the other day now home (yes, my poor student house had no heating, arrgh). Basically than, I hold with what oythers say, plenty of water, plenty of sleep. I for one will not say don't drink. Drink loads, have fun, then stay in bed all day. The perfect life.

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