Help stop spontaneous eruptions (Hangover Cures in general)

Member Name: Sarccyslayer

Product:	Hangover Cures in general
Date:	19/02/04 (755 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It does work

Disadvantages: Being sick, Feeling like poo, Alcohol

The last time I was out partying with one of my friends at a work function last week i got the mother of all hangovers the following morning, so I thought I would share this with you - the degree's of hangovers and how to cure them, my way!!


**1 star hangover **


No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your slept in your own bedand when you woke up their were no traffic cones in there with you.

You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka redbulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.

Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries.

**ADVICE** Drink lots of water to stay hydrated.


** 2 star hangover **

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.

The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.

Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.

**ADVICE** Have that bacon roll you craved and drink lots of water


***3 star hangover * * *

Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.

Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friendsafter the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m.

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.

**ADVICE** Keep drinking as much fluid
as possible, have some paracetamol if the headache gets worse and leave the coffe out.


****4 star hangover * * * *

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving or it looks like you put your make-upon while riding the dodgems, ( depending on your gender. )

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the second-gradeclass picture circa 1976.

You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - Home time, a doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.

**ADVICE** Take 2 paracetamols (or the equivalent headache cure), drink a pint of water every hour and eat something greasy to line your stomach.


*****5 star hangover * * * * *

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.(this is probably happening right now)

Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.

You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body.

Death seems pretty good right now.(it certainy does)

Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic.

You should have called in sick because, let'
;s face it, all you can manage to do is breathe.......very gently.

**ADVICE** Take the relevant headache cure, drink a pint of milk and have some breakfast, especially bacon and eggs because it will line your stomach. If you cant face that, then try some toast with butter on it. But ensure you do drink lots of fluids to flush your system out.


******6 star hangover * * * * * *

You arrive home and climb into bed.

Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.

You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that you bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.

No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.

You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.

After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.

If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.

You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. (Hands up who does this!!)

Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.

Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts.

Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.

With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.

You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils projectile out your mouth on the last occasion.

It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for th
e day as you try to climb into bed. She/He abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.

You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.

Work is not an option. The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.

You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed

**ADVICE** Make sure you have again taken headache tablets. One thing which does help when you are sick is Milk and Magnesia, even though it tastes foul, it does help to settle your stomach and you should always try and eat something no matter how ill you feel.

Sleep will also make you feel better, so even if your only sleeping for the odd ten minutes or so and then waking up, it does make you feel better. For the rest of the day i would stay away from chocolate, sweets and cake.

**The best advice**

When you do go out drinking and know you are going to consume large quantities, make sure you drink water throughout the night as well as alcohol, make sure you have something to eat before you go out and that means something other than a packet of crisps in the pub, a good meal is the best option and before you go to bed, take 2 paracetamol and drink a pint of milk and you wont have such a bad hangover.

If you forget, well get down to Mcdonalds, have a big mac meal with a coke and make your way through the meal, if you dont chuck up in Mcdonalds then you will be fine for the rest of the day!!

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