Think up your own faffin' title, you can't expect me to do EVERYTHING around here (Mobile phone safety)

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Product:	Mobile phone safety
Date:	11/04/02 (31 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Lots of one eared mutants, cool :o)

Disadvantages: The chicken has left Dooyoo:o(

Are mobile phones dangerous? Are peas dangerous? They say that if you threw a pea from the top of the Empire State Building and it hit someone it would kill them. If you threw a Nokia 3320 from the top of the Blackpool Tower it would probably kill someone, and break the phone. So yes, they can be dangerous in certain circumstances, just as dangerous as peas or frozen bagels. Read the category description before harassing me with comments Mrs Marks and Spencer knickers.

They can also be dangerous when you are walking through a rough housing estate using one and someone mugs you for it. Also very dangerous when being used for sex games and one gets lodged somewhere that it shouldn't have been to start with - I really hate having to walk into casualty when that has happened. And dangerous to animals when your pet llama eats one and it gets stuck in his throat and he chokes to death on it. Blllluuuudy dangerous things should be banned without further ado.

What sets primates apart from other animals is the usefulness of the thumb. The thumb is what enables us to make things. God help evolution now though, the thumb generation has taken over. Kids today use their thumbs for all sorts of things like play stationing and, more appropriately to this opinion, text messaging. Walk down any street and all you can see is teenagers walking along, head bowed, thumbs going at 90mph. See, more danger from mobiles, they could walk into a streetlamp and split their head. Mind you I can't say they wouldn't deserve that. The entire human race is in danger of evolving into having unliftable necks and only thumbs on their hands. Ultimately we will probably evolve into having only a head with one ear, a small torso and two massive thumbs. And a permanent wap connection.

Lots of people have spoken about microwaves in relation to mobile phones. Personally I can't see how you could cook frogs legs in under three minutes by bombarding them with text me
ssages. I'm sure they would taste of poo even if you could do it. Froggy love daddy, daddy love eating froggy, but only from a conventional microwave and not a sagem mw3020.

By far the biggest danger to your health from using mobile phones is to hold inane conversations while within earshot of ~charliechuckle~. There I am, sitting quietly on the bus being normal, my herpes is dripping all over my wooden leg, I'm reading 'The Sun' for educational purposes, listening to my favourite tape recording of traffic whizzing along the M5, eating cold llama sandwiches, you know, doing normal things. And then it starts, that blllluuuudy annoying nokia ringtone. "hello" (at 150 decibels), "hello", "hello, "HELLO", "HELLLLLOOOOOO", "I can't hear you, you're breaking up", "hello", "yes, I'm on the bus", "okay, see you in two minutes", "bye", "what?", "WHAT?", "yes, I said bye", "bye". Its a solid defence in court, it is, maybe, legal reasoning for giving someone a right good hiding. Don't be next on my hitlist, you have been warned.

So what lessons can we learn from all of this?

1. If you are in Blackpool and you hear that blllluuuudy annoying nokia ringtone above you and getting progressively louder, run away.

2. Read the category description before commenting.

3. If you need a new phone simply mug someone while they are walking through a rough housing area, everyone else does.

4. Use KY Jelly, even if you have as big a circle of friends as I have.

5. Keep your mobile separate from your llama.

6. Cut off your childrens thumbs to save our species (disclaimer: no, don't do that bit).

7. Don't try to cook frogs in a mobile phone, buy a microwave oven instead, or shallow fry them.

8. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever ever ev
er let me hear you making a call in public, ever.

9. Always remember to include "poo" and "frogs" in your opinion, but don't worry about "chicken" because she has left Dooyoo now :o(

10. [insert your own lesson here, I'm finished]

Summary: