Stuff that coffee machine up your a*s Clooney (My Top 10 Christmas Wishlist)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	My Top 10 Christmas Wishlist
Date:	25/12/08 (159 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Day off work

Disadvantages: Back to normal tommorow

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So as we all tighten our belts, followed by our harnesses for the bumpy ride ahead that is 2009, just as Santa did last night, here are my Christmas wishes for next year. Some are serious and some are silly but as long as you understand this review is shameless filler for a few extra miles then everything's cool in the world.

<*><*><*>The dooyoo 50p thing<*><*><*>

I'm in favor of it for one simple reason-I'm easily making more money on dooyoo from the new system than this time last year on the old system. I know non guides get fewer crowns to pay for the rather expensive churn but enough of our new members encouraged here by the 50p a review thing read and rate me to edge my payout to near £50 a month! It took me three months to get that money in the summer of 2007. Baring in mind I get that much I'm baffled how dooyoo can sustain paying what they do in rewards. I think most experienced dooyoo members are expecting bad news in January over those reward payments. In the last week or so there's been a noticeable drop in reviews going up and one would presume dooyoo`s Christmas spirit wasn't great when it come to kicking off members for copying or writing 150 word cr*p as the end of year bills came in. It's either that or the internet cable linking India to Europe hasn't been fixed yet.

<*><*><*>Get out of Iraq<*><*><*>

Christmas Day and the phones are red hot to our forces abroad, shameless radio and TV stations fishing for cheap emotion with the reuniting call with mother and son or lover and husband...But I'm bored of those calls and I want all British armed forces out of that Godforsaken country of Iraq before the thermometer hits 100 degress this spring. The oil has been signed over to the western oil companies and the cities to the militias, who, one would presume, the combination will spawn the next Saddam so we can do this all over again. The job is done and we can leave it to the Americans now. Its time to get our lads over to Afghanistan to support the beleaguered ranks there where the west has a legitimate fight. Flush the Taliban up and over the Khyber Pass and back into Pakistan like s**t going through a U-Bend! Pakistan is now the biggest terror threat to British citizens here in the U.K and quite frankly the British...British-Pakistani relationship has completely broken down. When you mess with cricket tours you mess with me!

<*><*><*>Make human rights laws actually for the benefit of our human rights<*><*><*>

Heres a Christmas story for you. Rashid Ali, a Moroccan claiming to be an Algerian asylum seeker to increase his chances of staying in the U.K back in 2004, like hundreds of thousands of other asylum seekers and illegal immigrants dreamt England would be the land of milk and honey, Ali hoping to take that milk and honey to the next world to share with his 70 virgins when's he's old and gray. But he's a rarity in many ways, one of very few failed asylum seekers who just wanted to go home to Morocco. Yes, you heard it, an asylum seeker that actually wants to go home! But as he had no money by the time he had decided Britain wasn't what it was cracked up to be (he didn't get the free house and car) he had to try and stowaway on trains, plains and boats to achieve his mission, politely leaving by the way he came in. He was supposed to be legally deported in 2005 when he damaged a boat and stole some clothes and food when he hid in the hull. But as he had to tear up his documents in the first place to hide his Moroccan identify they couldn't legally send him back. But get this, after all this the New Labor talk on kicking out undesirables and wasters he is currently in a detention centre for repeatedly trying to 'escape home', punishment for his now sixth escape attempt from Britain, his incarceration currently costing a staggering £245,456 to the British taxpayer over the last three years of this absurd pantomime, two sets of human rights lawyers cashing in on this guys so called rights. Every time he leaves the detention centre he goes to the ports to try and go home to Morocco. But no one in the Home Office will help him go back. The one asylum seeker that wants to go home and we lock him up! Its Christmas guys! For Gods sake stick him on a frigate and drop him off in Marrakech, care off Santa Claus the taxpayer has become!

<*><*><*> I wish that bloody George Clooney advert would go away<*><>*<*>

The title says it all. Why the f**k is Hollywood's Mr Politically perfect selling effing coffee machines!


<*><*><*>I do hope Barak Obama is alive 12 months from now<*><*><*>

One of the biggest ironies over Obamas win was it was the extremely timely collapse of the sub-prime housing market the financial disaster that fatally weakened McCain and the Republicans, boosting Baraks poll numbers at exactly the right time, that irony being that the huge sub-prime debt is actually mortgages approved by George W Bush to give to previously disenfranchised poor black Americans a bigger stake in their communities, no questions asked. History showed that 'Prime' real estate was routine credit given to white folks for houses and businesses whilst the so-called sub-prime was the remaining people without property, black folks, they labeled as living in areas called 'red Line' districts, realtors code for bad debtors, red pen taken to the map and a line drawn around those poor areas. But in 2001 when America was cash rich and so the dollar was weak Bush said pretty much everyone in America could have a house and so people who had no chance of ever paying of those debts were suddenly given access to loans, over one trillion dollars worth in just three years, the bankers and mortgage brokers more than happy to do it as they got $10 billion in bonuses. Those very same black Americans, the so called 'NINJAS' (Not In Jobs Nor Academia), were empowered to vote for Obama and used their left overs from those loans to finance Obamas amazing campaign to win The Whitehouse. Baring that in mind I suspect a few right-wing white Americans who have lost their houses because of that debt bubble will be polishing their rifles right now. I know we are not allowed to criticize Obama but I have a sneaking feeling that it will be a non white American that makes the first attempt to kill him because of the notoriety the act will bring, what assignations are really about these days. If you want to shoot the top man in the world then the US President is long way down the list.

<*><*><*>I wish all parking wardens were fired in October<*><*><>*

It's a blizzard of yellow tickets in Northampton this time of the year and the last thing town councils need to be doing is driving people away from their retail centers. If you stay just two minutes over the time here you get a £60 ticket. Its not suprise10 high street names have gone down this year alone in Northampton.

<*><*><*> A Certain dooyoo lady under my Christmas tree <*><*><*>

She's lovely but lives too far away to unwrap on Christmas Day. The only downside to dooyoo is you meet so many sexy intelligent girls here it's like the auditions for Carol Vordermans replacement for Countdown.

<*><*><*>A white Christmas<*><*><*>

I know its not going to happen this week and they are very rare in England but wouldn't it be great to wake up to 8 inches. In fact I'm sure there are quite a few girls on here who would like to wake up to 8 inches in the middle of Christmas Eve with the white stuff everywhere after some deep crisp and even. All I get outside my window is grey, fog and mizzle (between drizzle and light rain) and a flat 5 degrees, a long queue of single middle-aged working class men heading to the pub for their Christmas day drink to consume their own version of Christmas spirit.

<*><*><*> I wish the cops would just nick the bad guys next year<*><*><*>

We are hearing news that new laws will be bought in next year where cops can hand out tickets to people involved in minor traffic accidents and prangs etc, whether cops were called out or not. So if they were to stumble on what looks like bad driving they can issue a ticket there or then. This all very ironic as when we ring them up to say we have been robbed or about to be robbed they have the bloody cheek to take a number and ring our insurance companies! Why can't they actually concentrate on catching some bad guys and not squeezing the motorist for every penny?
There was a story in the Telegraph the other day where some neighbors reported a blackman taking sweet corn from a field. Four police cars turned up and frisked the guy. It wasn't the first time it happened to this guy. Mr Mwanaka, 42 and from Zimbabwe, wasn't stealing sweet corn and maize as he is farmer of the said vegetables and owns the land its growing on, the cops clearly mod handed and bigoted as the neighbors. Just because you don't see many black farmers in Leicestershire growing African subsistence crops there's no need to make assumptions. 4 squad cars! No wonder these cops fail to investigate 405 of crimes! Again, if we ring up and say there's three guys in our garden shed and stealing the lawnmowers its three days before you see the blue light. Get your priorities right! It's not about how much money you can get off the middle-classes but how many bad guys you put in prison.

<*><*><*> Hey, Gates! Sort that bloody Hotmail out<*><*><*>

Why do we have to write @hotmail.com when we tap in our name and password on the hotmail page? We know its hotmail, Gates! We are trying top get in our bloody hotmail account! Why do we have to mess around with putting @hotmail in the box! We don't on yahoo or google...sort it out mate!

<*><*><*>I wish we could actually write on Christmas calendars and wall charts<*><*><*>

And finally....I was looking for a 2009 calendar to write in next years cricket fixtures for work. But they are seem to be laminated or have too much of the date in the bit where you want to write. One had only space for the date! I mean who actually crosses off the days any more apart from David Cameron. They only strike through the days with big black crosses in the movies. And when I do find a big chunky calendar with space to write on its all waxy and laminated so you can't write on it! We just seem to be paying for the theme and famous people pictures on these things, leaving nowhere to write.

Summary: 2009 :-<