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319 Camberwell Road,SE5

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      08.06.2001 19:04
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      This following transcript of a real conversation (honest) relates to Redstar in south-east London, a rather nice bar that thinks it’s a club. WHERE IS IT? Camberwell Green. ISN’T THAT A KIDS TV PROGRAMME? PUGH, PUGH, BARNEY McGREW AND ALL THAT? Nope, you were thinking of Camberwick Green. And the Pugh Pugh thing is actually from Trumpton. A-HA. Do you mean to say you have understood, or are you beginning a new conversation about the band led by Morten Harket? SHUSH. Okay. JUST A SECOND. HOW DO I GET THERE? The nearest tube is Oval, although this is actually miles away. (Camberwell obstinately refuses to have a tube station). The nearest overground station is Denmark Hill, also miles away (catch a train either from Victoria or London Bridge). But of buses there are plenty - catch a 12 or 36 from central London. ISN’T THAT RATHER NEAR PECKHAM? Yes. BUT WON’T I DIE? Not necessarily. WHAT’S IT LIKE? Pretty small, but on two floors (the upper floor is only open at night). Excellent décor – wall-sized photographs, leather sofas, lots of bare wood and red paint. And they have a peanut dispenser. WHO’S GOING TO BE THERE? A lot of students from the nearby art college probably. Dress code is very relaxed. WHEN SHOULD I GO? Now I don’t want to be dictatorial on this matter, bearing in mind you might have other plans (or be washing your hair) – but the best times to go are definitely Saturday night or Sunday afternoon. WHAT’S ON SATURDAYS THEN? An event called Youth Klub. Downstairs, they play 80s classics – and I mean genuine classics, you will know every single tune and dance like a loom... DID YOU MEAN TO SAY LOON THERE? Yes. CARRY ON. Upstairs, they apparently play ‘funky house’ but we saw no evidence of this. An appallingly bad DJ
      played a few dodgy records after each other and it sounded quite nasty. We went back downstairs in great haste, just in time to catch the opening lines of ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go Go’. WHAM! Ouch. SORRY. It’s okay. SO…TELL ME ABOUT SUNDAY. On Sunday they hold an event called Stoned Asia. The DJ is actually reasonable, playing Asian Underground tunes and drum ‘n’ bass. They mess about lighting incense and so forth but don’t let that put you off. They also serve delicious-smelling Sunday roasts. IS THIS OUTING GOING TO SKINT ME? Only as much as going out anywhere else in London. Entry is free before 10pm, and drinks are about average - pints are £2.60, but they serve them in tall, thin glasses which make you feel cool, so it’s worth the extra few pence. HOW DO I GET HOME? Logically you would get out as you came in, but hanging around SE5 late at night is not recommended. Redstar has an agreement with a local cab company – ask the doorman to phone for you. They usually arrive in 2-3 minutes, which is pretty impressive. I’M IMPRESSED. So you should be. WELL I AM. Good. WILL IT BE THE BEST NIGHT OUT I’VE EVER HAD? Possibly not, but with a background of Frankie Goes To Hollywood and so on, it’s very difficult not to have a laugh. SO I’LL MEET YOU THERE NEXT WEEK THEN? With bells on (I’ll be the one in the country dancing outfit)...

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