Give me those wishes Santa, or I stick you with this knife. (Top 10 Christmas Wishlist (2001))

Member Name: The Duke

Product:	Top 10 Christmas Wishlist (2001)
Date:	02/12/01 (86 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: I get wishes

Disadvantages: They're not real

Bugger this. I'm not wishing for World Peace. No, no, no, no, no. I might wish for the world to give my head peace, but that's different, isn't it? So, you can forget all about the usual end of all poverty, hunger and war malarkey because I have more important things to think about in my wish list for this year i.e. yours truly, because I'm more important than anyone else.

I can't remember what I wished for last year, but then again that was an entire year ago, and I had other things on my mind then. This year it's different. Not completely different, but different enough to warrant a different set of wishes.

My problem is this: should I make them realistic, attainable wishes, or should I go for the more popular "anything goes" type wishes? I should go for the attainable ones and give my self a few goals, but sod that, I'm going for the "never going to happen in a million years" ones.

So, here they are, in no particular order (as usual):

*** The Amazing Power of Teleportation ***

Why? Well, it's easy. I have friends all over the world - England, Australia and New Zealand to name just three of the places I know people. I love visiting people, but I hate travelling. It sucks. So, if I could pack my bags (if necessary) and magically appear on the doorstep of one of my friends houses, then that would be fine and dandy. I get to save loads of money too - not only in flights, but also on phone charges. Why have a phone conversation when I can teleport to Auckland or Sydney and have a cup of coffee, or a pint with my friends?

You might argue that I'd end up spending lots more money on booze by taking extravagant weekends away, just think of the possibilities! No more hotel bills! Simply leave the pub, teleport home to your own bed, and after your breakfast and shower the next morning, teleport back to your required destination to continue your holiday! Ah! Now we&#
39;re talking! It would be like "Rentaghost", except you wouldn't have to be dead, or do that stupid jumping-in-the-air-while- holding-your-nose thingy.

*** Instant Degree ***

If you haven't read my profile (and why not? Tsk!) then you won't know I'm a mature student (yeah, mature, right!) studying Computer Science. Well, I hate it. I hate my university, the people who work there and the fact that I'm always poor. I'm fed up of the fact that I was tied to the degree while I was going through some stuff this time last year when I needed to be elsewhere. I want it to magically be July 1st 2002 so I can have my degree, and am free to go off and do other stuff - teleporting, for example! Oh yes, that would be fab indeed. In fact that would be more than fab, because I could then spend the whole of June watching the World Cup.

*** Material Possessions ***

OK, time for a spot of greed. Ever since I started my degree, I've been quite good in not spending too much money on non-essential items like CDs and videos. In fact, if I'm totally honest, I've been down right brilliant in not spending any extra cash with only the odd video or CD being added to my collection every couple of months or so, as a treat for passing exams etc. This was a real struggle at the start because when I worked in my last job before university, I would buy several CDs and videos per month. So, for my third wish I'd like all those CDs and videos I've seen since 1997 that I haven't been able to afford. I could list them, but there are simply far too many to mention, and I doubt I can even remember half of them.

*** Money ***

"The cheque's in the post" How many times have you heard that one? Loads, I'm sure. Well, just for once, I'd like my bank to phone and say to me: "I'm sorry, Mr. Irwin, but we've lost all your account details. We've started a new acco
unt for you with £1,000 as an apology for our mistake" Oh, how that would be sweet. If the same thing could also happen to those amateurs at the Student Loans Company in Glasgow, then the world would truly be a better place. The icing on the cake would be my credit card company having all their records deleted (including backups) leaving me with nothing to pay on my credit card.

*** I Can See Clearly Now! ***

Have you seen the photo on my profile? Well, I wear glasses. Generally, I don't mind wearing glasses, but there are occasions where they're a pain in the butt. First of all, very few balaclavas have holes for the legs of glasses to go through. This means you either have to balance them on your nose and hope for the best, or wear them under the 'clava and pray they don't get damaged. Playing sport isn't great either, and I do play quite a bit. The obvious answer is "wear contact lenses" and the obvious answer is "I'm not sticking bits if plastic in my eyes", especially if I can use a wish to solve my problem.

As a shortsighted person, playing sport becomes more a matter of luck than skill. Squash is totally out of the question - trying to see a small blue rubber ball pinging it's way around the court at high speeds is difficult at the best of times. I also play a lot of football, and while my eyesight doesn't come into play as much (I only have difficult making out people, my depth perception is fine), it still takes me 10 minutes to adjust. So, this one is for perfect eyesight again.

*** Nobody Does it Better ***

I suppose this one is probably the closest I'll get to a really personal wish in this list. I would love to be brilliant at something. Now don't get me wrong, I've been fairly blessed by being half decent at most things I've tried, and at the very worst, average, but I've been surrounded by people who, to be quite honest, have been
brilliant. I've known academics, cooks, rugby players, footballers and musicians - all sorts of things, and people who are outstanding at these. I want to be one of those people who is outstanding in some area. I don't really mind what it is, I quite fancy cooking or playing a musical instrument, but just something.

*** Speedy Internet ***

I'm only using the Internet through a pretty crappy v.92 modem which means downloads take forever, gaming is very difficult and there are those annoying 2 hour cut offs to have to contend with, as well as handing over £13 per month to Freeserve. They are horrible, annoying and evil and should be stopped (the cutoffs, that is, Freeserve aren't bad!) What I want is an Internet connection which is the same speed as my university uses which is simply mega fast. Downloads take seconds, and things like video conferencing become a viable option. Plus there would be the added bonus of 24 hour a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year permanent connection (providing my computer didn't fall over and die). This would also be free forever. Can you believe I'm drooling at the thought of this? What a nerd I am.

*** Clothes that fit ***

I'm tall and quite thin. This is not really a good combination when it comes to buying clothes. I'm by no means the world's best dresser, and in fact I'd wear jeans and a t-shirt/shirt all the time if I could get away with it, but I find it very hard to find things that fit just right. Practically every single piece of clothing I own was bought because it was the best fit, not a perfect fit. This annoys me, because even if I do dress scruffily, I want to dress scruffily on my own terms, not because Levi Strauss etc. can't make a pair of jeans properly. Bah.

*** Famous for 15 minutes ***

I've heard all the celebrities talk about fame and how it's changed their lives, and most of them complain about invasions of pr
ivacy etc. I've always wondered what it was like, and while I have no desire to be famous, I wouldn't mind experiencing it for a short term period - say around a month or so. Oh yes, jet set parties, not queuing for the flash nightclubs, meeting other famous people (preferably female and gorgeous - I have a list!). I want that, if only for a while. Just for the experience, to see if celebrities are talking rubbish, or if there is something to what they say. Temporary rock god, film star, sports idol, I don't care, give me 28 days and let me have my fun. Then take it all away again. That'll do me!

*** No more winter ***

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! It's cold. It's dark. It's wet. If I am forced to have to "do" Christmas, I want a Christmas where you wake up and the sun is shining and you can go outside and sit without having to wrap up in 20 layers of clothing and the neighbours thinking you're nuts. (It's a bit late for me here, though) Leaves on the trees, smell of cut grass - you know, all those nice summery things. Turkey and stuffing? No thanks - Bar-B-Q Turkey! All right!

It certainly beats not being able to go to the pub because of 12 inches of snow and taxis not running. It would be nice change to spend all that time running around buying people stuff that they don't really want in comfort and daylight as opposed to negative temperatures and darkness. Everyone would be much happier because of the lack of seasonal whatsitsface disorder, and Xmas tans would be the norm. Splendid.

There you have it. Ten wishes. Was I selfish? Well, probably, but I could have been more selfish. A lot more selfish in fact, because I'm a miserable old bugger around this time of year anyway. Hope you enjoyed the read.

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