I've met the real Father Christmas. Beat that. (Top 10 Christmas Wishlist (2001))

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Product:	Top 10 Christmas Wishlist (2001)
Date:	03/12/01 (41 review reads)
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Advantages: Roy Keane is growing his hair back

Disadvantages: None

Right. So I’ve sort of cheated. I’ve got a lot more than ten wishes but they’re sort of inside ten wishes, so I think that is fair. I would probably like more wishes, too, so that I could wish for everything twice just to make the wishes extra strong, but I don’t think I could do that. Oh well, I’m sure no-one minds.

So, err, Dear Father Christmas, if you’re reading,

If it’s OK, I would like:

*Manchester United.

This is going to be the obvious wish. I would like Manchester United to win something this Season. That sounds silly, doesn’t it? Because Manchester United ALWAYS wins something. Unfortunately, I don’t think they will, especially not with the way they are playing so far. I want them to. I really want them to. I want them to win another treble for Sir Alex Ferguson, or at least the Premiership, you know, because that would be good. I want Juan Veron to prove he’s worth £28 million, and I want Ruud Van Nistlerooy to score lots of goals. I also want David Beckham to sign a new contract, I want Jaap Stam back at Old Trafford, I would like Ryan Giggs free of injury, Fergie to play Roy Carroll a few more times instead of Mr. Barthez and I would also like the one man that Peter Kenyon has in mind to succeed Sir Al next Season to be Eric Cantona. Plllleeeasseee.

Please can I have an Old Trafford Season Ticket, too. Or at least tickets to a few matches, if you can’t do that.

*London Irish.

Yes. I love them. I love them almost as much as I love Manchester United, so I love them a lot. It’s not fair, because they don’t play as much Rugby Union in the North, or at least, they don’t like it as much, because everyone likes Rugby League better, which is in fact very stupid, considering Union is better. In my opinion, London Irish are the greatest Union team in the World, but I would like them to really be the greatest Union team
. You know, we thrashed the Saracens and it was marvellous, but we lost yesterday to Leicester which was just stupid and annoying. It would be really great if we were really great.

The next part to the wish is that I would like the Exiles’ shirt. The cool home one, you know, the green one with the black collar and stripes down the side. Ooh, it’s very nice, and I’ll wear it all the time, I promise. And If you don’t mind, Everitt, ten on the back, please :)

*England.

England#1: Umm, yeh. England, as in the National Team. I would like them, like I suppose every other English person would like, to thrash Argentina when we play them on the 7th of June. You know, it would be wonderful if we could beat them, and it would be even better if David Beckham could score. I suppose it’s unlikely, but it would be nice. The England Vs Argentina match in ’98 was probably one of the best games of football I have ever seen, so it would be good to have another great one like that. I don’t suppose England have much chance of winning their group, what with Argentina in it and everything, but you know, if we do beat Argentina then we have got a good chance of winning, providing we can beat Nigeria and Sweden too, which would make the next stage a lot easier, because if we only come second then the chances are we’d have to play France and that would just suck. Please.

England #2: Ooh, I would like to see England Women play again. They were great when I saw them at Blundell Park against Holland, and I would really, really, really like to see some more Women’s International football.

*Money.

Because I like it.

*Championship Manager.

This is a bit of a silly wish, really, because, it’s not that I want the Championship Manager game, because I have it, it’s just I’m not very good at it, and I’m very annoyed, because I want to be. You see: you th
ought Manchester United being in 7th place was bad, but I’m Managing them in 16th position. I’m out of Europe, I’m no longer in the League Cup, and my only hope of regaining the FA Cup that I won the Season before was thrown away when I lost 3-2 to Belper Town. There are some good things, though: I have Martin Palermo in my side and he’s the top scorer in the League (I think the main reason that I’m doing so badly is that my goalkeeper, Peter Lunt, who was quite good when he was on trial, has conceded the most goals in the Premiership) and I did beat Liverpool, and Juan Pablo Angel did accidentally make a ‘professional foul’ on Michael Owen and break his leg. Oops. It’s not fair, because I’m not very good at the game, but I’m addicted to it. And I wouldn’t mind if the addictiveness could be made worthwhile. I’ve an important match coming up next Sunday, it’ll determine whether I go into the relegation zone or not, so, it’s kinda important that I get better at this.

*Music.

Music is very cool. You know that. I would like lots of music, please. Lots and lots and lots of music so that I can play it and listen to it. I would like good CDs, like Green Day – International Superhits. I would probably like Muse – Origin of symmetry, too, and some other Blur Stuff. Yes, that would be fun. If it would be possible, I would just like to say, that I saw Blue, they were doing a record signing thing in Virgin Records, and I discovered that I don’t like Blue very much, and I very nearly told them that. I wouldn’t like anything of Blue’s, thanks. Or S Club 7. Or Steps. Naaah.

*Chocolate.

Ages and ages ago a stupid specialist man told me that I was allergic to chocolate. Until a while ago, I hadn’t eaten any chocolate for three years. I ate some chocolate, and I’m not allergic to it anymore. Apparently I’ve grown out o
f my allergy or something like that, so I can now eat chocolate as much as I like. I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate in the last week or so, but I would like more. I would like a selection pack, because I haven’t had one for ages. I would like one so that I can eat it all before I have Christmas dinner, because that’s how selection packs should be eaten: all at once, but just leaving enough room for quite a few Yorkshire puddings. In my selection pack, I would like: Rollos, Mars, Twix, Bounty, Freddo Frog, Snickers, Maltesers, Milky way, Fudge and a Chomp. I also like After Eights, but it doesn’t matter at what time. That is all.

*MOTD.

Right. More Football. To put it simply, ITV’s The Premiership sucks. It’s awful. It’s not as bad as it was, I’ve grown to hate it a little bit less, but you know what it’s like: every time Match Of The Day comes back on, for various FA Cup versions etc, etc, I realise how terrible ITV’s version is. I don’t care about the TV rights, please. I want to see some good football commentary. The other bad thing is that my ITV reception is terrible, and I want to see the football highlights without wondering why it’s snowing. I bet MOTD could be on prime time TV, too.

*Football Boots.

I do have about three pairs of football boots, but they’re all rubbish. I have some Reebok ones that are miles too big with three studs missing, some addidas ones that I’ve had for ages, and the same goes for the Nike ones I have. I like football boots, because brand new they smell nice. I only like football boots if you can take the studs out though, because otherwise they’re silly and you can never clean them properly. I would like some of the Diadora boots that Roy Keane wears because I like Roy Keane and I like his shoes. If not, I would like some of the cool black and white Umbro ones.

*York City.

I’m sorry I̵
7;ve written so much about football. I didn’t realise I wanted so much to do with football until I wrote this, but there you go. I would like, as my final wish, for York City to be relegated into the Conference at the end of the Season. I hate York City. I despise everything about them. I have this terrible problem where if I don’t see live football for a while I go crazy. I don’t have much choice who to see: There’s Grimsby Town, who I like but are too expensive to see all the time, Doncaster Rovers, who are, well, just Doncaster Rovers and I don’t want to see them (the same goes for Scunthorpe United), Hull City and York City. I don’t like Hull City much either. They play better football than York, but I don’t want to go and see them, because I think I hate them even more than I hate York. So I travel on a Saturday afternoon to Bootham Crescent, pay my £5 and stand in the freezing cold for 90minutes. I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate the fans, who don’t seem to realise that Super Alan Fettis ain’t super no more, despite the fact he used to be the Northern Ireland ‘keeper. That’s Roy Carroll’s job, now, OK? I would like them to realise, that they are not very good, and it’s not the opposition that’s not very good. I would like them to know that Paul Groves isn’t a patch on Ruud Van Nistlerooy, and that well, you know, I thought that you couldn’t get a defence much worse than Manchester United’s this season. I’d have Blanc over Basham any day. I hate them so much, I would like them not to be here. I’ll still probably go to watch them play, but I’ll still hate them. It’s just, if they’re relegated I’d like to be able to laugh at them a bit more.

So, yeh, that’s it I suppose. My ten wishes that are actually a lot more than ten wishes. I’d like them very much if you could make them happen.
<
br><br>Goodbye.

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