Santa doesn't read Dooyoo! (Top 10 Christmas Wishlist (2001))

Member Name: nikkisly

Product:	Top 10 Christmas Wishlist (2001)
Date:	09/12/01 (105 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It's fun!

Disadvantages: Doesn't work!

Achhh! You're all fools! Fools, I tell you. I can understand some of the newer Dooyoo'ers writing in this category, but it seems that even some of the older members haven't learned from experience. Fools, every last one of you! And I can prove it...

Last year, I wrote "My Top 10 Christmas Wishlist". I didn't ask for anything complicated like world peace or an evening of unadulterated passion with Brad Pitt. I wasn't too greedy and I had been an exceedingly good girl (as always), so I was quite excited when I hung up my stocking on Christmas Eve. However, the evidence is plain for all to see. Either Santa is a mean old man who no longer grants people's wishes (which we all know is not true) or he doesn't read Dooyoo opinions. Oh, sure, I happen to know that one of his elves reads a few and maybe whispers in his ear, but it's too much to expect one 'elff' to read everyone's requests, especially at this busy time of year and my wishlist was definitely one she left out.

I asked for a Forever Friends teddy bear to add to my collection. Did I get one? No, I did not. I wanted some nice moisturising stuff for the shower. I didn't get that either. I specifically asked for some nice chocolates that weren't chocolate covered ginger - huh, don't make me laugh! A large amazon uk voucher? A henna tattoo? A compilation CD of 80's hits so that I could relive my lost youth? A pair of button fly jeans, size 10-12 and the liposuction to enable me get into them? A pair of wellies that actually fits and doesn't leak? Did I actually get any of them? Did I heck!

Well, that's eight out of the ten that never materialised, leaving only two that actually did. I asked for - and got - the game "Gooey Louie". That, however, was nothing to do with Dooyoo wishlists, since I whinged and whined until Mr nikkisly finally capitulated and bought it for me. (And, sadly, it was one of the wo
rst games I have ever played, consigned to the car boot box by Boxing Day). Number ten on my wishlist 2000 was a 'Pass' in my final Open University exam - I got that too, but that was more due to my own hard work than to any intervention from Dooyoo.

So, there you have it. Irrefutable evidence that Dooyoo wishlists don't work. And why don't they work? Because Santa does not read Dooyoo opinions.

So, I ask you, what's the point of actually writing anything in this category? I shan't be bothering this year...

But, just in case that pesky 'elff' figures that, having completely ignored me last year, she owes me big-time this year, I'll just quickly mention what I would be asking for if I were foolish enough to be writing an opinion in the Dooyoo Christmas Wishlist 2001 category ...

1. The return of the 'suggest new items' facility on Dooyoo. See how unselfish I am, asking for something that will benefit you all? I have so many book reviews written and ready to post and how can you all enjoy reading them if I can't even get them on site? (tongue very firmly in cheek!)

2. A replacement copy of a very old book (First published in 1949). Every year, when I was a child, the night before Christmas always included a reading of a short book called "Miss Flora McFlimsey's Christmas Eve". It was the touching story of an old-fashioned doll, Flora McFlimsey, who was banished to the attic when her 'children' got more modern, toys to play with. Flora's only friend in her isolation was Timothy Mouse and, one day, when Timothy told her about some strange goings-on downstairs, she realised that it was Christmas Eve. She wished and wished that she could see the tree just once more. In fact, she wished so hard that her wish came true and she found herself able to walk. Having managed to reach the living room, Flora met Santa delivering the children's presents and, t
o his horror, he found that he was one doll short! Oh, you can probably guess the rest...it's a sad story, beautifully illustrated, with the happiest of endings - except, for me, the ending is sad. My copy has completely vanished. I can't find it anywhere and Christmas just isn't the same without it.

3. A handbag. Not just any old handbag, though, a very special one. All this year, I've been dropping massive hints to all and sundry about a custom-made bag that I desperately wanted. A local man made just a few and sold them in nearby leather shop - and they were made from carpet! Not shagpile or Wilton, obviously, but the kind of soft, velour type of carpet that you just love to stroke. It was everything I ever wanted in a bag, but it also cost £125 which even I agreed was far too much money. Birthdays and anniversaries all passed bagless until finally, today, Mr nikkisly took me to the leather shop - the very one whose window still bore the marks of my nose pressing longingly against it all summer - and grandly instructed me to choose a bag for my Christmas present. And they'd sold out! Not only that, but the man who made them has moved away from the area and they won't be getting any more, ever! Life's so unfair sometimes.

4. Willpower. If I only had willpower then I would be able to do all the things I've wanted to do for years such as lose weight, give up smoking and cut down on chocolate.

5. My portrait painted by Tom Manson. The name Tom Manson isn't going to mean much to anyone reading this, but I promise, he is the most amazingly and incredibly talented contemporary artist. Mr nikkisly and I have collected his work for years and, last summer, I commissioned him to paint a portrait of Mr nikkisly (from a photograph) for his birthday. At first, Mr nikkisly was unimpressed by his present. He couldn't understand why on earth I would blow up a photograph of him to life size and frame it. Then h
e read the signature on the bottom and realised that what he had was actually an oil portrait of himself, painted by someone whose work he had admired for years and he was overwhelmed. Now, I am curious. What would Tom Manson make of my ugly mug? How would he immortalise my features, freeze them forever? Would he - could he - capture my soul the way he has so perfectly captured that of my husband and placed it on canvas, one eyebrow slightly raised in quizzical manner?

6. Seeing as this opinion is really directed at Santa, can I politely request that everyone else stops reading now and skips to number 7 on my wishlist. Only it's a bit embarrassing, see, especially for a woman of my advanced years. It's private.
O.K., Santa, that's got rid of them for a moment. I really, really want "Don't Stop Moving" by SClub7. Look, I'll be honest with you - I hate the group and everything they stand for. I don't want to ruin what little street cred. I still have. But there was just something about this particular track that I loved. Every time I heard it this summer, I had to crank it up to full volume and sing along. It made me happy...

7. Ahem! You're back, then? I knew I could trust you not to read number 6 if I asked nicely. Hopefully, I might have already got number 7, but there's no harm in asking just to be on the safe side. Please, Santa, I so want to be able to go and see my badgers again. This year, our part of the country has been badly hit by Foot and Mouth disease and, since I work on dairy farms, I haven't been able to go and see 'my' badgers, even once. There's a whole family of them and I've been watching them regularly for years and years and they knew me. Every night in summer, I would sit quietly, alone in the woods at dusk until they emerged from their sett. They would snuffle in my pockets for peanuts and the cubs would scramble around on my knees and play with my shoelaces.
I haven't been to see them at all in 2000, so my wish for 2001 is that maybe...just maybe...they'll remember me.

8. Errr...I know I asked last year, but I still really want those jeans. Levi 501's will do just fine, size 10/12 (plus the obligatory liposuction, of course, unless you can see your way clear to sending me some of that willpower I asked for earlier).

9. I'd like to see an old television series repeated to see if it was actually as good as I remember. (I'm not sure how much influence Santa has on those who schedule TV programmes but, hey, it's worth a try, isn't it?) In our house, "Thirty-Something" used to be compulsive viewing on a Saturday night. It was the story of three ordinary couples, following their everyday lives and starred the gorgeous Ken Olin who I fancied like crazy. Was it truly a great programme, or was its excellence a mere figment of my imagination? I'd love the chance to find out - oh, and the chance to lust over Ken Olin again.

10. Finally, this is the biggie. As many of you know, I have spent the last year studying child abuse in all its various nasty forms. I've cried countless tears over horrendous stories of cruelty and I've wished so hard that I could miraculously take every single one of those children to a magical place where they could enjoy a childhood that was free from pain and fear. Sadly, that's not a practical option, but as a start, I'd like all of you who haven't done so already to sign the NSPCC petition by clicking on the Dooyoo link. It will take you just seconds of your time, but at least your voice will be heard and, if there are enough voices then maybe, together, we can change things for the better. If you'll just do that for me, I'd be willing to forego all the wishes above - and if a few of you would also agree to pledge £2 a month to the NSPCC then that would truly be all I could wish for this Christmas.

>So, that's what I would have written, had I been writing an opinion in this category. But I wasn't...so it isn't. It didn't work last year, so I'd be a fool to waste my time doing it again this year. Wouldn't I?

Happy Christmas, everyone - and may all YOUR wishes come true.

xxx

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