My ma, George W. Bush and Glen Hoddle all have something in common, they know nothing about football. So they, amongst others might not know that the biggest sporting event in…oh?...four years is about to commence. If you don’t know that World Cup Japan / Korea 2002 starts on Friday 31ST May, what the hell are you doing reading this review. It promises to be a feast fit for a big fat football fan, with teams from as far away as France and Belgium participating. So because of this momentous occasion in footballing history, I give you the Kevin Fingleton Guide To WC2002!

**OK, I'VE PUT THIS IN THE WRONG PLACE, SO I'VE ASKED IT TO BE MOVED!**

Firstly, you might need some advice. So I’ve laid it out in easy point form.
1) Matches are scheduled for as early as 6:30am BST and end no later than about 3:00pm if they run into extra time and penalties in the later stages. This means two things:
A) You’re going to have to get up might early to watch Argentina v Nigeria, and
B) If you’ve got a job, you might want to get someone to break your leg or come on to your boss so that you can get the sack
2) If you fancy traveling to the Far East to watch some games, tough luck. The World Cup (TM) is not a place for football fan. Unless you work for Coca-Cola or Mastercard, you can F*** Off!
3) The nice people in the government have made sure that all matches are screened on terrestrial TV. This means that everyone gets to watch the games, but it also means that for some games you’ll have to endure Clive Tyldsley constantly mentioning Manchester United, without any relevant reference point.
4)If you’re Scottish or Welsh, buy an Ireland or Argentina shirt. You know why.
5) I can’t think of any more advice

So, you might want to know who will win WC2002. Well I can guarantee 100% that these predictions will come true*. So put you’re money on now as we follow the
KJF Predicatathon:

GROUP A (France, Denmark, Senegal, Uruguay)
Well no one wins any Brownie points for predicting France to top this group, (especially, if you’re like me and not a member of the Brownies). Demark are not the team they once were when they had the might of the Laudrups and Schmeichel. They do possess quality in another blue-nose, Peter Lovenkrands, as well as the promising Gronkjaer at Chelsea. If you watch far too much football, you’ll have seen Uruguay defeat Australia with a strong performance in Montevideo in the play-offs. Senegal only make it interesting because of the French connection.

PREDICTION: It’s tight for second spot, but:
France 2) Uruguay 3) Denmark 4) Senegal

GROUP B (Paraguay, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain)
Spain never seem to do themselves justice in big tournaments, remember Zubizaretta at France ’98? But this group is easier than an Essex girl and they should have no problem topping it with the likes of Raul and Lazio bench-warmer Mendieta. Slovenia were a nice surprise at Euro 2000 and have Zahovic as their star man. Paraguay are a well organised side with fire-power from Santa Cruz. South Africa are a Division 1 team.

PREDICTION: Spain to breeze through
Spain 2) Paraguay 3) Slovenia 4) South Africa

GROUP C (Brazil, China, Costa Rica, Turkey)
Brazil seem no where near the dizzy heights of 1970 or even 1994 for that matter, but this group is weaker than the bladder of an old drunk. Rivaldo, Ronaldo et al will win this at a stroll. Turkey are too strong for the other two, who constitute some sort of joke, considering the likes of Holland are not flying out to the Far East this summer.

PREDICTION: Are you kidding?
Brazil, Turkey, Costa Rica, China

GROUP D (South Korea, Poland, Portugal, USA)
The US failed to win a game last time round, famously losing to Iran. Korea have beaten Scotland and drawn with Engl
and recently and have a decent coach in Gus Hiddink. Portugal possess quality throughout and should cut through the other teams like the Batmobile through traffic. Poland have at least got Dudek in goals. Look out for Olisadebe too.

PREDICTION: European union
Portugal 2) Poland 3) South Korea 4) USA

OLD PREDICTION FOR GROUP E (Ireland, Germany, Cameroon, Saudi Arabia)
Quickly dismissed as an easy group by Mick McCarthy, therefore this is a pretty tough group for the Irish. Roy Keane is apparently threatening unity and you could drive a bus through the defence. Germany are injury ravaged and seem to possess all the pace of a Morcheeba song. Cameroon have an excellent chance to seal the group with the likes of Eto’o and the double-winning Lauren! Saudi’s will be whipped more than Angus Deayton in a sex romp.

PREDICTION: Please let me be right with this one!
Cameroon 2) Ireland 3) Germany 4) Saudi Arabia

NEW PREDICTION FOR GROUP E
The Irish side are a now a joke to be shared across the world. While Keane may have flown off the handle a little, I support him if he criticised the inept McCarthy. The top brass at the FAI and the manager should resign en masse after the World Cup. Ireland are finished because Keane dared to win.

Cameroon 2) Germany 3) Ireland 4) Saudi Arabia

GROUP F (Argentina, Nigeria, Sweden, someone else)
If Al-Quada dropped the bomb on the White House, it would still be put behind this group in the English media. Hyperbole, notwithstanding, this is the group of DEATH. In that it’s killing me with boredom reading about it. You’ve all made your mind up now anyway, so I couldn’t even be bothered with it

PREDICTION: I’m about to get loads of abuse in the comments section
Argentina 2) Nigeria 3) Sweden 4) England

GROUP G (Croatia, Italy, Ecuador, Mexico)
Croatia are not the team they were in 1998 and the Italia
ns are better than they were in 1994. the likes of Totti and Montella give them the sort of fire-power that US Special Forces would envy. Ecuador are in the tournament for the first time, so I know very little about them (well nothing really). I don’t know much about Mexico, so I’m going completely on reputation here. Sorry!

PREDICTION: I will learn something about Ecuador
Italy 2) Mexico 3) Croatia 4) Ecuador

GROUP H (Japan, Belgium, Russia, Tunisia)
If you have to give up watching one group in this tournament, it’s probably this one. The Japanese fans will at least add a bit of polite excitement, but Belgium have all the flair of a Ford Escort. Russia are an ailing world power and Tunisia are hardly worth a mention.

PREDICTION: Host boast
Japan 2) Belgium 3) Russia 4) Tunisia


SECOND ROUND
1 – JUNE 15th: Cameroon Vs Paraguay
The team with the green vests will storm through in heated affair. Their defence is just too strong

2 – JUNE 15th: France Vs Nigeria
Henry & Trezeguet verses Kanu? Victoire pour Les Bleus!

3 – JUNE 16th: Argentina Vs Uruguay
This one promises to be a fiery encounter between two South American giants of World Cup’s long gone. But it’s the Argentines who’ll win through, although maybe not with a full quota of players by the finish.

4 – JUNE 16th: SPAIN Vs GERMANY
Well I did originally predict Ireland to be here and to lose to the Spanish, but the Germans will probably put up an even worse showing. Ole!

5 – JUNE 17th: Italy Vs Poland
No contest here. The Italians will just be too good for the Poles in the end, but it may be difficult in the early stages.

6 – JUNE 17th: Brazil Vs Belgium
The Belgians are already suffering from injuries and they’re boring. Football wins!
<br>
7 – JUNE 18th: Japan Vs Turkey
Turkish fo
otball has been making strides in recent years. This is a difficult one to call, but I don’t think home advantage will be enough for Nakata and his makes, compared to the physical strength of Sukur and the Turks.

8 – JUNE 18th: Portugal Vs Mexico
Latin flair? Yes please! But expect the Europeans to pull through to the quarters.

QUARTER FINALS
1 – JUNE 21st: France Vs Brazil
Is your mouth watering yet? The French may be feeling the expectations build to an unbearable weight by this stage, but I just don’t think Brazil are good enough. No revenge for the Brazilians. May be decided on penalties or even a Golden Goal.

2 – JUNE 21st: Cameroon Vs Italy
Are we in for a shock? No, Italy will win, but it’ll be tighter than a duck’s arse.

3 – JUNE 22nd: Spain Vs Portugal
Bring it on! This could be the match of the tournament or a stalemate of Ireland Vs England 1990 proportions. The Spanish to shade it.

4 – JUNE 22nd: Turkey Vs Argentina
Expect this match to be played in the spirit of a race riot. But expect Argentina to go through

SEMI-FINALS
JUNE 25th: France Vs Argentina
It should be the final, but it isn’t and that’s the luck of the draw, as they say! French confidence will be getting higher, Argentinean suspensions will be a problem. I’d love the French to do it, but without dear Robert, they will not!

JUNE 26th: Spain Vs Italy
The Spaniards aren’t prone to doing so well in big tournaments and are much more at home thrashing Ireland on home turf. The Italians will be hardened from their experience of 2000.

THE FINAL, 30th JUNE, 12:00PM, YOKOHAMA
ARGENTINA VERSUS ITALY
In July 2001 I put a bet on for Arsenal to win the Premiership, Manchester City to win the Nationwide League and the World Trade Centre to crumble to the ground in a terrorist attack (well, not really th
e last one, it was actually for Argentina to win the World Cup). So, I have to stick by it. I don’t particularly like Argentina, I just have a feeling they’ll win.

Now if that isn’t comprehensive, Rio Ferdinand isn’t crap. Thanks for reading and enjoy the tournament.

*This is not a guarantee