Not You're Back Yard (General Garden)

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Product:	General Garden
Date:	15/08/01 (56 review reads)
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Advantages: Relaxing and Enjoyable, Increases The Value Of Your Property, Great for Summer Evening Parties

Disadvantages: Initial Hard Work, Initial Cost, Ongoing Maintenance

Unless they’re out on a romantic stroll with their lady friend, very few men will admit to an interest in the joys of gardening. Images of poofy flowers, monstrous gnomes and old men stumbling around their veggie patch, come to mind. But these same men often secretly long for an escape, an outdoor retreat from the hustle and bustle of life, or the constant nagging of the wife.

With that in mind have you ever thought that money spent on your garden is a good investment, in fact a well presented garden can add more to the value of your home than a new fitted kitchen (only problem being, it is harder work). Plus a beautiful garden is no longer the preserve of grannies, nonce’s and the crabby-faced Alan titchmarshes of this world.

If you are faced with a garden that could be described as a landfill site, why not have a go and turn it from the once grubby patio to a grand garden fit for a queen, or your wife. A haven where not only she but also you can relax, hold a party and entertain in style. If you are a bachelor remember a women loves flowers, in my experience even more so if you have nurtured them from a seed.

There are many projects you can undertake to complete your task but I recommend that you do one at a time. You must start by jotting down your planned garden; no doubt this plan will change as you go along. As you will find some things to difficult or you might decide that it is easy and you want more of a challenge. Once you have decided on your plan the first physical job is to get the ground ready.

Let’s start with the Patio/Decking area.
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You must do some prep work and decided on the best decking for your garden. Search for a flooring that would be comfy to walk on, the right colour/shade to suite your garden design and of course make sure it will be hard wearing enough to stand up to it’s use. My favorite is the wooden decking you
see on ground force every week, so I will use this for my opinion.

Now is the time to get out your plan and mark out on the ground where your decking is going to be situated. You must make sure that you leave any manhole covers or drains accessible. Stores like Homebase and B&Q do handy ‘How To’ Leaflets on all sorts of DIY projects, so do yourself a favour and swot up, allow your self three to five days for the build process. Don’t worry you won’t need to be one of Noah’s carpenters to put together a nice stretch of decking.

You will have to start with a wooden sub-frame, on which your decking will lie, just like internal floorboards. Dig into the ground to remove any stones and vegetation to make yourself a level site and to help drainage. Then lay some black membrane (available from the builder’s merchant) onto the soil, this will stop any weeds growing through. The next stage is to build your sub-frame joists so that the decking can be laid on them. For this you will need to lay the boards across the joists leaving a gap of 3mm between each board for movement and swelling, when fixing the boards down use screws not nails. Screws will give you a stronger fix and also enable you to lift the boards with ease in the future.

Note: Depending on the quality of joists and floor boards you have purchased they will all need treating with a garden creosote to stain and seal them from moisture, thus preventing rot.


The Next Step Is Foliage (Big Plants)
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The key to a successful garden is one that offers low maintenance; you will need a lot of slow growing shrubs, so that you’re not out every week on shrub patrol. For that lasting look all year round, make sure you have a healthy quota of evergreens, position your plants so that they are not on show but part of a garden thus creating a more exciting feature.

Here are some of
the good foliage plants that I have come across:

1) Cabbage Palm – This is going to be the big talking point in anyone’s garden, the large exotic kiwi palm might look out of place in sunny Manchester, but hold no fears this fella can stand up to anything the British weather throws at it. Price Guide £50

2) Australian Tree Fern – Will love to fill those dark corners where you have trouble getting anything else to grow. The striking Australian fern hails from the alpine regions of Oz. Weird then that it relishes the cold wet conditions of Britain. Price Guide £80

3) New Zealand Tree Fern – Whereas it’s Aussie counterpart is a size 16 this much slimmer version measures in about a size 10. Nicknamed the Dirty Rotten Stinking Kiwi by its over zealous importers, this glacial fern comes recommended for garden in London and the Southwest. Price Guide £75.

4) Agave Americana – Needs a sunny, free draining site but this splendidly stiff spiky Agave makes for a handy space filler, doubling as a warning to invading cats to get back over the fence. I positioned underneath windows; it would take a very determined burgular to fight his way through the sharp spiky ends. Price Guide £100

5) Chinese Windmill Palm – Known to withstand temperatures as nippy as –18*c, the giant trachycarpus fortunei, as Latin-loving gardeners more commonly call it, is the hardiest palm to hail China. Only an onslaught of extreme cold and rain will bother it. Requires free draining soil and a big bank balance. Price Guide £360.



For the Cheaper Option
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1) Aucuba Japonica/Japanese Aucuba – Plucky little blighter which throws up glossy yellow-spotted leaves and red berries in winter. Likes good soil, but will tolerate the dubious muck in your back yard. This is perfectly hardy but does like a good drink.

2) Hosta – This piece of unk
illable foliage will knock out small white flowers in the summer if feeling perky. It can be prone to slug infestation, but a layer of grit around the stem will prevent that.

3) Acanthus Mollis/Oyster Plant – A bold little soil dweller, never happier than when growing glossy, big lobed leaves. It isn’t picky either. It will grow virtually anywhere, but it’s best in a sunny spot.

4) Mahonia x Media/Holly Grape – Reaper dodging evergreen which does a mean impression of a holly bush. It likes either partial shade or partial sunlight, but it won’t give you sleepless nights sweating on its survival.

5) Euonymus Fortunei/Climbing Euonymus – Rock hard evergreen that produces leaves blotched with yellow, and will climb walls if you stick it next to the house. You might want to reach for the clippers it gets carried away and starts tapping your bedroom window.


The Clean Up
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It is a messy business digging up your garden week after week, with the amount of rubble left you could knock up a multi storey carpark. So rather than have endless trips to the local skip in black bin bags, get yourself a skip. You will be able to find a local firm in the Yellow pages, they will leave a skip outside your house for as long as needed charging rental, then on your command take it away leaving you with a cleared garden. Be weary though, as unless you have room on your property for the skip you will need a lisence from the council to leave it on the road.


Let There Be Light
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I suspect that whether you have the acres of Buckingham palace or a balcony with a few tubs you will want to make the most of it this summer. But when the sun goes down you might want you newly furnished garden to entertain your friends. So instead of breaking out the garden candles why not set up some garden lighting.

Whether it’s a garden path, lo
p sided bush or splendidly luxurious Jacuzzi, clever use of outdoor lighting will transform it. Most spotlights are waterproof and multi directional, casting shadows of plants, trees and features. When you’re out scouring the local DIY store, make sure you check the IP number. An IP is a two-digit number that stands for ‘Ingress Protection’ against solids (first number) and liquids (the second) entering into a light fixture. Basically the higher the IP, the greater it’s all round resilience.

I would urge you to get a qualified electrician to do this work for you, as I am sure you would prefer your guests to leave your garden on there own two feet. Ensure that any wires that are sunk into the ground are armoured and designed for outdoor use.


Bathe Like Hefner
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Traditional hot tubs, with their hefty wooden surrounds and technical wizardry, are likely to set you back £10,000 – leaving you with little money for a babycham let alone a Magnum bottle of bubbly. The clever man, however, would be better advised to consider lighter, portable tubs, such as the soft tub. Having forked out an extra £7,000 to have an enormous bath airlifted into his garden, your dumbstruck neighbour will weep when you simply carry your soft tub through the house.

To finish of your garden I would suggest a pond with fountain or waterfall, the sound of running water is a source of great relaxation. Unless of course you have just got out of the car after a 6 hour journey, in which case it will have you running for the toilet. I won’t go into this now as that will be a whole new opinion in it’s self at some point.


Regards
Mr Writer

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