You know you're hungover when... (Hangover Prevention, Cures & Advice)

Member Name: esthersmile

Product:	Hangover Prevention, Cures & Advice
Date:	03/12/03 (558 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: ???, I suppose it discourages you from drinking yourself to death...

Disadvantages: erm, all of them?

You wake up face down on the bed, able to taste the many flavours of your pillow, with no idea how you got there...

You feel like Homer Simpson, having to cajole your brain into doing anything at all:
You: 'Brain, what shall I do to cure my hangover?'
Brain: 'What? I'm asleep, this is all your fault, you're on your own with this.'
You: Pleeeeeeese?!
Brain: 'I've heard water is good'

Not even water will stay in your stomach for longer than ten minutes (Brain: 'Mwah ha ha ha ha!').

Getting to some sort of semi-conscious state requires near-military planning and focus:
e.g. 'if i drink a litre of coke, then eat a teaspoon of salt, inject myself with liquid carbohydrates and stand on my head to improve blood flow, i might just live to see Neighbours'

Unfortunately you can't think straight and come up with crazy plans to cure your hangover -I think my best one has to be a computer game of scrabble to 'wake up my brain'
(Brain: 'you utter utter bastard - oooh, triple word score!')

your response to light would get you a part in Buffy, if it weren't for the fact that you're currently too ugly to qualify as a vampire extra...

Everyone else suddenly looks extra healthy - as if they have suddenly discovered the elixir of life. They also remind you of this by constantly shouting at you and smiling at your agony.

Enough jollity. Lets face it, we're not focusing on prevention here, since anyone with the foresigh to drink water before bed isn't drunk enough to have a proper hangover anyway, but I suppose i had better offer my wisdom on the subject as i believe I have discovered the best hangover cure of them all - Coke. (The liquid fizzy stuff, not the 'other' stuff!) It has to be fresh, from a can if possible, and ice cold. Don't worry about the fact that it will be painful, burning your throat
and making your eyes water, that's just the sugar and caffiene working their magic.

If you can stomach it, drink as much as possible, wait half an hour, go for a walk and you will be able to face the world. If cannot face either of these prospects (especially as you are throwing up) then Dr Esther's expert diagnosis is that you are way too hungover to do anything and may as well spend the rest of the day in bed, because you aren't going to achieve anything useful that day.

Water is overrated, it tastes horrid. If you can't take anything fizzy then drink squash mixed with water - something like ribena. this will give you the hydrating effect of water and also much-needed sugar.

If you're going to work be careful of 'hair of the dog', it does work but if you were out late then you may still have alcohol in your system and going out half cut probably isn't the best way to improve your promotional prospects. mind you, however many showers you can bring yourself to have you're still going to stink of alcohol all day so perhaps calling in 'sick' would be a good idea!

but the best hangover cure by about a zillion, squillion miles (that is a number, if you don't believe me try and count to it, you can prove me wrong if you don't get there...) is sleep. If you really are that hungover then just go to sleep. This has the advantage of letting your body repair itself, while giving you a resptie from the other symptoms.

So, in conclusion here is Dr Esther's all-time hangover cure:

On waking:

1/2 glass of water, drunk slowly (to prepare your stomach for the onslaught.
1 paracetamol (if you have a headache)
1/2 litre of coke (or lots of COLD cans)
1 cup of tea
Something fried, something salty, or something sugary for breakfast. Fry-ups are ok, as are beans on toast, or anything with ketchup like scrambled eggs.
A hot shower.

Throughout
the day:

Keep drinking coke to keep tiredness at bay and keep you alert. More paracetamol if necessary. Carbohydrate-rich lunch (a nice sandwich with mayo - yum!)

Later on:

An early night. Sleep really is the best thing to get rid of your hangover, particularly if you don't want to extend your symptoms into the next day. If you drink again tonight you really are screwed.

Hope this is useful to everyone. I speak with the voice of experience. :o)

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