| Product: |
Mental health problems |
| Date: |
06/06/04 (670 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: hope it helps, please get help, quality of life depends on it.
Disadvantages: hard, scarey therapy, without therapy, no outside life, hard to understand
For many years, I locked myself away from the world. Not going out unless I really had to. Avoiding crowds. Cleaning my home like someone with a curse over them.
I knew something was wrong with me, but I had no idea what.
I would wake up in the morning, and wash myself vigorasly. I would wake my daughter, make her bath thoroughly, and strip down her bed, clean her room, and wash every item of clothing that was lying around.
My daughter grew up thinking this was the normal way to do housework.
Everything in my home had to have a place, a time to do certain things, but everything also had to be done in a certain way.
Why did I do this?Because I was convinced if I didn't something horrible would happen to me or my daughter.
You may wonder why I did this? Because I didn't know at the time that my *obsessions* were ocupying my mind to stop me from facing something horrid from my past.
My family thought I was just over clean. Until I refused to eat at their homes. Until I refused to go to their homes. Until my daughter was not allowed to go there either.
I feared contamination.
It got so bad, I had to see the doctor. I dreaded this visit. I was convinced that the doctor would contact the authorities and take my daughter away.
I knew the life we were living was not normal. I knew it was wrong to expect my daughter to live in this enviourment, but I had to seek help before I could change.
Going to my doctor was the best thing I ever did.
My doctor put a name to my fears.... 'obsessive compulsive disorder'.
Apparently 10% of the population suffer this acute disorder, although all of us have a part of rituals that is normal.
We all go out of the house and wonder if we switched off the cooker. We go back, check and get on with our day. But how would it be for you, if you went back and checked 33 times, and in the end didn't make it to where you were going because of your checking? Thats OCD.
OCD, C
an take on two main forms. Here are a few of mine.
Obsessions=
***********
I cannot take any medication unless I am supervised as I fear loss of control. I cannot even take a paracetomol without someone watching me as I can convince myself I have taken too many. Even though I never have!
I have to count again and again how many I left. I write down the day, time and how many on the box, and check it again and again.
I cannot go out without someone with me as I can convince myself that I will be hurt by an innocent member of the public. I will have a panick attack, and through getting away from the situation would risk getting ran over than walking alongside someone I didn't know.
These are not only obtrusive thoughts but real fears.
It has been explained to me that the reason this happens is the lack of ongoing messages to the brain. A message would be sent to the brain, and the action will be commanded.
But in ocd sufferes, our message goes back and forth, making us check again and again until eventually the message is accepted and we go on as normal.
Rituals.
*********
These again take up hours of our day.
Hand washing, to nuetralize the fear of contamination.
Obsessive cleaning.
Making a cup of tea would involve, scolding all the things I will use, ect.
Also, please remember what I said about the message to the brain. Not only do we have long rituals, but if the message is not accepted, we HAve to start all over again.
So what can we do as sufferes?
************************
The first thing is diagnosis. Before anyone can help you have to be diagnosed.
OCD was taboo, many years ago. However, it is now a recognisable condition, within the mental health.
( you will not be able to claim any beneits though)
Once you are diagnosed, you will be referred to a specialist. Usually a cognetive therapist.
They would have experiece in this condition as we
ll as
being a fully qualified sycotherapist.
What is cognetive therapy?
***********************
It is what I personnally call 'aggresive therapy'. I call it this for the simple reason there is no sympathy for the Ocd sufferer, just therapy that forces you, in a civil manner, to face your worst fears.
I have been in therapy now for three years, and have many more to face. It is not an easy process, but I am making steady progress.
Gone are my obbsessive cleaning rituals.
Gone is my fear of the crowds.
I will tell you my first experience of my therapist.
I call him 'my angel without wings'.
I went to see him for the first time. I asked him how he was going to cure me, and he honestly replied ' we will face that horible past with you head on'.
I told him I was leaving, and he told me go then.
I went to walk out of the door, and his hand came over my head and held the door closed.
He told me that if I could touch his hand, and remove it, then I could open the door and leave.
I feared all the germs that were on his hand. I could not touch him, and had to sit back down.
That day I learnt he would never hurt me.
Every time I go now, we share a bag of sweeties, that we both have touched!
OCD, is not curable. It is a condition that you have to learn tools to cope with. I have, and slowly my quality of life has changed from 12% to 55%.
I have a long way to go. But I will get there.
Update.
*********
I now live quite a normal life. I still wash my hands 100+ times a day.
My daughter, through me getting help was kept an eye on but was not removed from my care.
I was able to eventually sit down and tell her what was normal and what was not. I explained and gave my family leaflets. I was lucky to have 100% family support.
I am not abnormal, I just have issues in my past that I am dealing with.
We don't go around with OCD writte
n on our forehead, but if more people are aware of this condition I believe better understanding will help us all to face our fears and go forward.
My daughter, luckily had no long term effect from this.
She now lives in oxford, studying to be an accountant, and is aready an admin in a large firm. Did I mention she has acheived this and is only just about to become 19?!!!!
I hope this has helped both people who have undiagnosed OCD,family and friends of sufferes, or anyone that is already in therapy.
If you have any queries please email me.
Long time sufferer, and recoverer.
Dee xx
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