Unfortunately, I would call myself somewhat of an expert on acne. I used to hate that word. ACNE. As a teenager I found it a lot easier to say 'spots' or 'bad skin'. I hated the bits in cartoons when they showed a box with the similar word 'Acme' (some US manufacturer's name, I think) on it, and I would cringe inwardly thinking that everyone would be thinking of me. The word 'acne' just sounds so horrible, sort of gungy and diseased, and it conjures up such an unpleasant image of grease and grime. Apologies to the very sensitive of you - or those with delicate stomachs - but a serious discussion of 'acne' really cannot (and should not) avoid graphic descriptions.

Acne has (unfortunately) played a big part in my life since I was 10. I have tried almost every prescription drug available and alternative treatment for it: antibiotics, topical creams, more antibiotics, hormones, Roaccutane, homeopathy, Chinese medicine, herbs and vitamins. I have cried myself to sleep about it, called in sick at work, missed lectures at university, missed friends' parties and spent hundreds of pounds on trying to find a miracle cure.

I empathise with anyone who suffers with it, even if it only develops into a few small spots; but there really is a huge difference between mild and severe acne. I suppose I began with mild acne, but it seems a long time ago now.

~~Acne in the early years and teasing at school~~

My acne began at age 10 (yep, I know that's weirdly young), grew inevitably worse as a teenager and continued into my twenties. My mum suffered from bad acne as a teenager and in her twenties/thirties, and my dad from mild acne as a teenager, so it wasn't a great surprise when I started getting spotty! It's definitely a genetic thing, whatever the doctors say.

I was self-conscious enough as a child anyway, so starting to get spots before I was supposed to (
according to the books anyway) ensured I felt very embarrassed about it. I remember borrowing my mum's foundation when I was about 10 before I went to school each morning. When I was at school I used to ask the teacher if I could go to the toilets, and this was just so that I could go and check my skin was ok, and to make sure the foundation was still on. I remember once noticing it was slightly orange! I wish my mum had shown me how to put it on properly rather than letting me 'experiment'!

A clear memory from primary school is having school dinners one day and walking towards a table to sit at. As I was about to sit down one of the girls said: 'no, you can't sit here, you don't wash your face'. I just turned and sat somewhere else. It's surprising how certain memories remain with you while others you forget. I mean, god, I probably washed my face more scrupulously than any other kid at school.

I was at primary school when I first saw a doctor about my acne. I remember being shown how to squeeze a spot 'properly' so that it would not scar. For those of you who are interested this necessitated pressing on the outside of the spot with your two index fingers and just pressing down with moderate pressure - not in towards the spot. This actually didn't work very well for me so I stuck to the good old traditional method of just squeezing as hard as I could until it popped. Yelch! Sorry - I did warn you this would be graphic.

At age 11, with my acne mainly on my chin and forehead, I was given my first prescription of Oxytetracycline, an antibiotic. I was to remain on this, on and off, for years. Its huge disadvantage for me was that it had to be taken on an empty stomach so I had to get up an hour earlier before school so I could take a tablet and still have time for breakfast. Hmmm, I don't quite think I could do that now, but at the time I was so keen to do anything to help t
hat I didn't care. The Oxytetracycline controlled but did not clear my skin. I was constantly reminded that there was no 'cure' for acne but that it would probably improve as I got older.

I was also prescribed Benzoyl Peroxide 5% to put on my face each night, which I did diligently. After a few days my skin was very, very red and was beginning to peel and dry up. It definitely helped clear the acne but I can't say my face looked a lot better. Still, I was certainly happier to have a smoother red face than a lumpy foundation covered one.

My confidence on my first day at Secondary school was marred by a small comment from a boy called Matthew. After an induction in the main hall we were assigned into our new classes, and told to walk to our new classrooms. As I walked up the stairs, surrounded by lots of other 11 year olds, one boy nearby looked at me and called out: 'Eeugh look, we've got spotty dick in our class'. I have never forgotten that moment, where I was standing and how small and ugly I felt. I'm not trying to call attention to how mean that boy was to me, because teasing is quite normal at school, but I just want to highlight how the slightest comments can hurt and remain in your mind for a long, long time.

At age 13 the effect of the antibiotics was wearing off and so I was referred to a dermatologist. My acne then was moderate to severe with many blackheads, whiteheads and boils all over my cheeks, forehead, nose and chin, as well as spots on my back and chest. It was not constantly like this but at its worst it really was all over my face. The dermatologist initially prescribed me Retin A (Retonic Acid), a topical gel that is now also used as an anti-wrinkle product. My skin became minimally clearer but also sore and sensitive to sunlight.

To my elation, the next time I returned to the dermatologist I was prescribed Roaccutane, the supposed 'cure' for acne. It i
s not normally prescribed so early in life but my skin was so severe it was deemed appropriate. It works by shrinking the size of the oil glands so reducing the secretion of grease. After a week on it my skin actually became worse (which apparently sometimes happens because your skin is clearing itself out). During this time I remember walking between lessons at school and a boy said something like: 'F*** me, how many zits have your got on your face!?' My skin was covered at that point but believe me, the comment hurt more than my skin. Anyway, after a month on Roaccutane my skin was completely clear. It's deceptive because I really did think that was it 'cured' then. How could I ever get another spot now? Unfortunately, within a year, the grease glands kicked themselves back into action and slowly but surely the acne returned.

School could have actually been worse for me had I been less successful. Thankfully, I was quite bright and very good at sport, art and music, talents that demanded a certain degree of respect from the other kids. Sport in particular was a saving grace as I captained some sports teams. As the years went on, I received more deference and my confidence developed in turn. I hate to imagine what teasing I would have endured had I been less dominant in sport and less able generally. The teasing was still there occasionally, mostly by certain members of my year who took delight in teasing anyone about anything.

My most enduring names were 'Superted' (due to the tv programme and his sidekick 'spotty'!) and Freddie Kruger' (of Nightmare on Elm Street fame) due to my face apparently being so unsightly. Quite, quite ingenious. That was as bad as it got at school, which wasn't so bad I guess. I was never bullied, so I think I got off quite lightly, considering what some other children have to go through during their school lives.

Throughout my teenage years I was c
onstantly on some prescribed drug or another. Minocycline, Trimethoprim, Doxcycline, Dianette, more Oxytetracycline, Panoxyl, to name the ones I can remember off the top of my head. My life was a ride of hormones, periods, beauty magazines, numerous visits to Boots, boyfriends, snogs, torments, laughter, good times and bad times. More or less though, my acne was controlled by the drugs and I would only occasionally have a bad spell. But when I did have a bad spell it would be very severe and affect me emotionally as well as physically.

~~Breakouts~~

Breakouts were, and still are, the things I dreaded. They are always lurking there like a ticking bomb, with me never really knowing what will set them off or when they will explode. At the worst times, my face would be covered in masses of whiteheads, which I normally had to squeeze in order to face people. I would cover my face with TCP to try to stop them from spreading and, at one stage of my life I used Dettol! Our bathroom at home would smell constantly of it when I had a bad skin phase. After the TCP I would place a tissue on my skin to 'mop up' the spots. Then, when my face was dry, I would put on foundation (oil free of course) and concealer to hide the redness. I often had to wash my face three to four times a day to clear the grease. Sometimes these bad phases would last for a few days but sometimes they would drag on for weeks.

As much as I wanted to wear foundation over my acne when I was with people, I hated the feel of it over the spots and as soon as I was on my own I would wash it off. Then I would feel healthy again and it would be dry for a time (ie. not greasy).

I could not bear to face people, even my own family, and any parties I had planned to go to would have to go on without me. Unfortunately, I couldn't establish a hormonal pattern to my acne. My periods were fine: regular and healthy. Sometimes my acne would worsen before a perio
d, like most girls, and at other times it would improve before a period and get worse afterwards. It really was bizarre and I still to this day have not established a pattern.

There are three main upsets for me during a bad breakout:

1) My skin gets very painful and it's very uncomfortable to move my mouth to speak (Most people do not realise how painful acne can be). I also have to endure feeling my skin 'beating' throughout the day as more spots are forming.

2) Another difficulty is that during a bad break out my skin is tremendously greasy so any make-up slides off.

3) I do not want to be kissed, touched or really even looked at if my skin is really bad. I feel truly, truly disgusting.


~~Acne and social life~~

It would not be an exaggeration to say that acne has at times ruled my life. Certain things were made very difficult for me and some things I completely avoided.

As a teenager I dreaded anything like camp or pyjama parties where we had to sleep over. No mirrors! No make-up! I couldn't check my skin in the mornings, and if it was bad then I could hardly bring myself to look at anyone. Even nowadays, if I imagine going travelling, trekking or something that involves camping, my first thought is of my acne. Can I take my vitamins with me? What if I have a flare-up? Thankfully, I have learned to let it bother me less over the years. And the fact that I don't suffer from acne very much any more is a definite bonus too. I've written more about that further on.

As a young girl, I was a competitive swimmer, regularly attending lessons and galas. The one thing that decreased my enjoyment of it was the acne I had on my back. I hated standing in a line when wearing my costume because I felt so self-conscious of the spots on my back. For some reason I felt it made me dirty to have spots on my back, whereas I thought it was more acceptable on my fac
e. I think because a lot of people had a few facial spots but no one else had any on their back.

I never used to wear backless dresses, or even scoop-backed summer tops because of the acne on my back. It's only cleared up on my back in the last couple of years and I appreciate wearing more sexy dresses nowadays. It is still something I do not take for granted.

If my acne was particularly bad I would not want to leave the house and I remember a few times when I would not come out of my room at home. When it was bad then my paper-rounds in the morning were preceded by me putting on concealer. I did not want anyone to see me in my natural state. Many times I did not go to parties or go out with my friends because it was so bad.

The most extreme and perhaps hilarious incident was at university in the halls of residence. The fire alarms went off during the night and instead of leaving the building immediately I went straight to the mirror and started to put on my concealer so no -one could see my spots. This was, I hasten to add, when my skin was quite bad.

My skin was not too annoying during university years, although again it was good and bad phases. After I graduated it got worse again and my confidence regarding job hunting somewhat lessened. I was prescribed another course of Roaccutane and that cured the acne again for about a year, but it returned after. At university it had been ok if I didn't want to face anyone because I could stay in my room, or just stick to my close friends, but I knew that I could not just take off days from work willy nilly. Or so I thought.

~~Acne and work~~

It may seem a complete over-reaction to some people but I have actually called in sick to work a few times because of bad acne breakouts. Once, a couple of years ago, it was a whole week off work because my skin was so bad and would not improve. I know that bad skin does not mean I am 'ill' and
I know that I could still do my work perfectly well. However, the embarrassment I feel is so intense that I really cannot bear to face people. I also need to wash my face in work if my acne is bad or the foundation starts to slide off and you can see the horridness beneath. It's tricky to get the moments right so that no-one catches you in the toilets, dashing from the sink to a cubicle!

In my early twenties I used to cycle into work a lot. If it was raining and I had very bad skin then I would rather call in sick than face arriving at work with my concealer all washed away by the rain. Nobody has ever seen how bad my skin can get.

Last year I was doing some voluntary work experience in a local primary school. As bad luck would have it my skin decided to break out just as I began. I hardly need to tell you how embarrassed I felt in front of the class, even though they were children. Walking through the playground at breaktime I felt like I was a kid again. I felt very vulnerable to the teasing and torments that used to happen when I was at school. Feeling at my most self-conscious anyway, one of the kids, about 10 years old, looked at me walking by and asked me what all the lumps on my face were. I replied quite plainly that it was acne and I did not appear to let the comment bother me; but inside I was feeling ugly and inferior. My confidence had taken another battering.

I feel I have had to rule out certain occupations or challenges because of my acne. I wanted to teach English overseas when I graduated but my skin was so unpredictable I could not imagine being away for so long without my usual medication or securities. It was not just normal acne I had to contend with, it was very severe and disfiguring, and to go and live in a different country with no hideaway when my acne flared up was too scary an idea. When my skin was good I would consider going again, but when it was bad I knew there was no way I could. <b
r>
I'm a tall girl and, if I had no acne on my face as a teenager, I would be quite attractive. In my teenage years when I had a long clear skin phase, I was once asked if I was a model. I was so incredibly happy about that, but at the same time it made me so resentful towards my acne for disfiguring what would otherwise be an attractive face, and possible a career. Nowadays, at 26 I look more like 29 because of the harsh chemicals I used on my skin as a teenager. Acne ravages your skin even when it's gone.


~~Acne and boyfriends~~

This has to be the area where acne can really deplete many peoples' confidence. Thankfully though, my acne never seemed to deny me boyfriends. I never 'went out' with anyone until I was 15 and did not have a proper boyfriend until I was 18, and by that time my confidence was much improved so my personality could shine through a bit more. I did have understanding partners, although one of them said he was glad I had bad skin because otherwise I would get lots of other men looking at me. I think he meant this as a compliment but I took it the other way to mean that I was not attractive enough to get looks from other people. In other words I ought to be grateful to have him. I was not happy about that remark at all!

When getting intimate with a boyfriend for the first time my mind would be preoccupied with ensuring he did not see the acne on my back. Once he noticed and we talked about it then I felt better, but I would've done anything to not have him see.

I thank god now for my very kind and understanding husband who has seen my skin at its worst and doesn't bat an eyelid. He is the only person who has ever seen me with a bad breakout with no makeup covering it and he simply tells me that he loves me no matter what.

Following getting engaged to my now husband, my biggest fear was that I would have acne on my wedding day. I knew the photos and vide
o would hold the evidence forever and that I would feel acutely embarrassed in front of a crowd of old friends and relatives. I convinced myself they'd be judging me, muttering amongst themselves, 'oh, what a shame she's still spotty.'

My wedding was in April and in the February this year I had a bad breakout. I was so petrified and upset about it that I scoured the internet for any alternative treatments I might have missed. Among the more interesting here were suggestions to use a face mask of egg-yolk every day and the most astounding - to put urine on my face. I am not ashamed to admit that I tried it. And it sort of helped too! At least, it softened and brightened my skin to a degree.

The main treatments I have tried in the last couple of years when I have been searching the hardest for an acne cure are listed below. I have written them in order of effectiveness in my experience.


~~ Top 10 Treatments~~



1) Vitamin B5 (Pantothenic Acid) - the star of them all. I have written about this in more detail further on.
2) Silicol Skin - a fabulous skin gel that was reviewed in the Daily Mail and supposedly cured someone's acne. This can be bought for £7.99 from www.healthreaction.com or elsewhere on the Internet. I still use this regularly/daily.
3) Cutting refined sugar completely out of my diet. This helps a lot.
4) Cutting most carbohydrates out of my diet, especially potatoes. This works too, and is meant to have something to do with lowering the insulin levels in the body. Kind of makes sense, but could be dangerous for some - see 'Atkins Diet' on other ops!
5) Vitamin A - not recommended during pregnancy and you have to be careful not to overdose on it at any time because it is not water-soluble.
6) Tea Tree oil - a remarkable yet simple antidote to little spots MSM - Sulpur supplement that definitely softened and helped my acne.
7) Yoga and Medi
tation - this should come higher in the list really but I am not completely convinced that it affects my acne, though it calms me down mentally.
8) Agnus Castus - a herb that balances female hormones.
9) Natural Progesterone cream - this should really be administered under a doctor, although I did not take this advice myself. Helpful for balancing hormones again, and it made me feel very soft all over my body.
10) Flax Seed Oil


~~Pantothenic Acid~~

Vitamin B5 (Pantothenic Acid) is mostly known for its beneficial effect on hair (Pantene!) but I had never considered its ability with regard to skin. I found a website, (www.absoluteacneinfo.com), and there were hundreds of people in the forum reporting remarkable improvements and even complete cessation of acne by taking B5. Needless to say, I did not hesitate to buy some for myself. To my utter amazement and absolute delight my skin was dryer, tighter, clearer, more glowing and healthy looking within a few days. I had found my wonder drug at last. 2 months before the most important day of my life and I had eventually found something that worked. I continued to take it and my acne completely - 100% completely - disappeared.

The recommended dose is quite scary: up to 10g a day at the start of the treatment, although after a few months your body will have adjusted so you can lower to a maintenance dose of about 2-3g. It is expensive, costing me £8.49 from Holland & Barrett for a bottle of 100 tablets (500mg). Of these I took 8-10 per day, which meant a bottle lasted about 2 weeks. However, I have spent so much more than that on useless treatments throughout my life that I don't mind at all.

Over half a year later and my skin is still remarkably clear, although my diet has been bad lately so I have a few small spots occasionally. Overall, it's an amazing vitamin that offers most acne-sufferers a 'cure'. For those of you who wish to read
about exactly how and why it works, and for verification of what I say, you can find the report at:

http://www.coenzyme-a.com/acne_vulgaris.html


~~Websites~~

Here are some good websites worth looking at:

www.absoluteacneinfo.com - this one has a fab forum.

www.acneworld.com - a basic, informative site.

www.thiele.fptoday.com/ta/acnehome.htm - this is a individual's site regarding the success he's had with eliminating sugar from his diet completely.

~~Conclusion~~

Well, that's the end of my acne experience and I hope that it really is the end of my bad acne experiences in my life. I wanted to highlight just how much it can affect peoples' lives and how it can make you feel so awful and ugly inside. At worst, it can be a severe disfigurement and a very traumatic disease to deal with, especially during the vulnerable teenage years. My acne has made me cry in desperation and hopelessness more times than I care to remember, with the most horrible thoughts about myself going through my mind. That's why I see B5 as somewhat of a lifesaver. And now it's clear perhaps I might even consider teaching overseas after all? ;-)

UPDATE September 2009

The Vitamin B5 seemed to be less effective over time, although it still worked fairly well, but I began to be concerned at the health concerns of megadosing, plus the cost, and realised I did not want to just carry on like this for years and years.

At the ripe of age of 33 I have finally confirmed that my acne was hormonal. During my two pregnancies I was completely acne clear for the last 4 months of each, depsite eating worse than ever!! Then gradually it returned.

Due to this discovery for the past 18 months I have been on Spironolactone and my acne is better than it's ever been in my life. It's pretty much gone, apart from 3 or 4 spots before a period. This is pretty much life-changing for me. I can now go swimming when I want, wear sexy backless tops and even go camping with no concern of bad breakouts. I am sorry I couldn't commit to a more natural solution as I am that way inclined but the freedom it givesm me is worth the concern over taking medication. The only natural thing which worked for me if anyone is interested was a low-GI, no sugar diet which I found very hard to maintain as I love to cook and eat!
Hope this helps. I'm glad to have helped so many people over the years as they read my review.