Childhood memories of Alzheimer's (My Experience of Alzheimer's Disease)

Member Name: JStripey

Product:	My Experience of Alzheimer's Disease
Date:	05/11/08 (207 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: In my opinion children should not be shielded from visiting a relative with Alzheimers

Disadvantages: can be an awkward and emotinally raw experience at times

I remember the last time my grandmother really spoke to me. I was 8 years old and about to board the train home to London from Manchester. " I love you and I really miss you, you know?" she said with tears in her eyes, holding my face in her hands. I was too young to understand what provoked this sudden sentimentality. However, when I travelled with my mother to visit her again 4 months later, it was plain that she did not recognise me at all. I now realise that moment at the train station was my grandmother saying goodbye to me. The poor lady knew that she was deteriorating fast and that by the time I was there, her mind would be gone.

My Nan (as I shall refer to her henceforth) had suffered a slow decline into full Alzheimer's, for years we had almost treated her forgetfulness and mistakes in a light hearted manner. However, soon after she lost the ability to express herself, My grandfather (who was ill himself) had to be persuaded to let her be put into a hospice. From this point in time my grandfather visited his wife everyday , from morning until evening, even when she was physically unrecognisable and had completely lost all human dignity and needed to be cleaned and fed much like a baby. She existed in this difficult state for 5 years until she finally and mercifully passed away. As the youngest of 6 grandchildren, I did not visit my Nan often. However, at least three or four times a year I would venture into the hospice even if only for half an hour. With the hindsight of an adult, I am very glad that I was afforded the opportunity to be there for her in some small way, especially considering the devotion of my grandfather. I also think it is important that such issues as death and illness are not totally hidden from children but explained in a gentle way.

At times it could be a painful and sometimes a slightly scary experience going into the hospice. Seeing my Nan was not so terrible as I knew the situation and was kept updated on her condition. However potential interaction with the other residents could be daunting. On a few occasions we arrived to find out that my Nan had thrown a bowl of bananas at somebody, or destroyed the christmas tree or something equally daft, but it was always presented to me in a very black and white manner by my mother.

Perhaps it would have been harder if I were not a child, seeing my Nan in this dormant state. I was encouraged not to become upset as she was in essence not the same person any more. However, on a couple of memorable occasions there was a flicker of recognition in her eyes when she saw me. One time she even asked my mother "Well, how is she?", it was the first thing she had said all week and meant something to me even if it was perhaps accidental.

This once wonderful, warm lady was now a seemingly lost spirit trapped in a living corpse. I certainly do not understand the current theories on what occurs in the mind of an advanced Alzheimer's sufferer. Nevertheless, perhaps some part of her knew that I was present. I always secretly wondered if there was still some awareness hidden behind the vacant facade, in a way I also hoped for her sake that there was not. If her Catholic beliefs are correct, maybe she is up there now glad that I am even writing this. My older brother was sitting next to my Nan when she died and I know that he found this comforting as we finally were allowed to come to terms with our loss.

There are theories that Alzheimer's is hereditary. I know that my great grandmother and aunt both died from it. Should my mother suffer the same end it, I would certainly be encouraging my son to visit the woman who loves him so much, even if only once in a while.

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