Who said silence is golden? (My Experience of Deafness)

Member Name: millergirl

Product:	My Experience of Deafness
Date:	14/12/01 (418 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None

Disadvantages: Isolating and so much more!

Imagine living in a world of silence… you can see the mouths move… the cars go by… the cats fighting but the sounds that go with it all elude you. You go to the cinema and again you see the action but how do you follow the plot without being able to hear the words? Even in your own home, you see the expressions on faces but do they really tell you the whole story? Can you tell when someone is sad or is their face just relaxed? Are they really angry or are they simply rushed? You see people laughing but do you assume it is at you because you can’t hear the joke?

My experience of deafness began a few years ago when we were asked to care for a profoundly deaf child (in case you don’t know my husband and I are foster carers) and this was really the first contact with a person unable to hear that I’d had. I will call this child ‘Danny’ through out this op. I’m not talking about suffering from lots of ear infections or a build up of wax I am talking about profound deafness.

Danny has been deaf since birth but don’t be fooled into thinking that this means he doesn’t miss hearing as I know he does. He feels cheated and has a strong sense of the unfairness of his plight, granted he has had other family problems which have caused him to come into the care system, but the deafness itself it so frustrating. Danny is educated at a fantastic school, which teaches only deaf children and uses BSL (British Sign Language see separate op!) as it’s first language but at the same time helps them to vocalise and to begin to lip-read too. So in his school environment he is safe and secure, no one will think he is odd or look at him strangely at the sounds he makes, he is normal!

One step away from school and the world is a very different place for a deaf child; people do look at Danny, sometimes as though he were from another planet. Now I know that this is generally not meant in any unkind
way it is simply that people's eyes are drawn to anything or any one different. I know I have been guilty of similar actions, I remember clearly seeing a chap at our local market, he had a hole right through his nose that you could have put your finger through, now I know I looked longer than I should!!

I think what we all need to grasp is the fact that different does not mean inferior, or superior it means just that…different. So if we can all learn to respect and value people for what they are, white, black, yellow, able bodied or paraplegic, beautiful or plain, hearing or deaf and the list could go on and on, then we would all benefit enormously. Danny just wants to be accepted, not as special or weird but as himself as Danny. A young person with loves and hates, with emotions and with fears like others his age, he just can’t hear that is all.

I quickly learnt when Danny came to live with us that sharing your life with a deaf person is very time consuming! Think about it, if you are busy cooking dinner or playing on the computer and someone comes and chats you do not necessarily stop what you were doing. With Danny I have to stop, (until I can master sign language whilst peeling spuds) I have to give him my undivided attention, of course he can take advantage of this too!

So much of what Danny does is more difficult because of his deafness, simple things that all kids love to do. Playing with friends is an issue however hard they try (they do try too!) he often feels excluded and gives up on them. Even a game of football when you are the only one that can’t hear the shouts of “over here” etc. Danny comes to church with us where with our other foster children he goes into the Junior Church but again he so often feels excluded. People have really tried and some have gone off to learn sign language but still Danny misses so much and again often misinterprets people looks or faces.

Education is
another issue where deafness makes his life more difficult. He does attend an excellent school and is doing very well indeed; he is a very bright and hard working child, well most of the time! Think about it though for those of us that are hearing we have had a lifetime to learn about sentence structure, I’m not talking about split infinitives I mean your basic stuff! But not so for Danny as in sign language things are very different! On meeting we may ask, “What is your name?” the equivalent signs would be “name, what?” Now that is fine until you are writing it down and studying for your GCSEs which she will be judged the same as a hearing child. Follow that through to every subject studied and you will begin to see that life is tough.

Now just supposing someone reads this who is sitting with a baby on their lap with real fears about their hearing, should they think that if they are found to be deaf their life would be a disaster?

NO!

It will be harder, it may well contain more frustrations but Danny’s life is not all doom and gloom. He is very focused and I attribute this to not having so many distractions, she knows she must work harder to attain the same as a hearing child but he has determination enough for two. At least a deaf child knows that they may need to chose a career with care, it isn’t as though it will came as a shock that they can’t get work in certain fields.

There is also a very strong sense of solidarity in the deaf community, they tend to be very close knit and supportive. Personally I feel that for Danny he has to live in a hearing world therefore he needs to forge his way through and not be protected too much, even though that may seem the easier way while he is young.

It is hard to know what to include in this op and what to leave out. I could have written of the sadness I feel that Danny cannot enjoy music in the same way that we can but also to
tell you that if it is on loud enough she can feel it. I have a lovely video clip of Danny dancing with my daughter. Roo with music blaring, showing her and Danny following the movements, both of them thoroughly enjoying themselves. Danny has a friend that learns violin and it was great to see him earlier this year trying to learn too! His friend was patient and taught him well and he picked up a few tunes before he moved on to other things the way all children do.

So yes I reckon being deaf is very tough and I can tell you that looking after a deaf child is very challenging too! Especially right now as he heads for puberty and that is bad enough when there are no added issues, so pile onto puberty, deafness and his family history and I suspect there are some rocky times ahead for Millergirl’s family! Thankfully we all love him tremendously and will, I’m sure all survive!

Danny recently spent a week camping with a very large group of children all of them hearing but him. He had a fantastic time and I am told he coped brilliantly, I want to end this op by quoting a note he had written that I found in his pocket when doing his post camp washing (phewy!):

Danny, “Stop fussing”

Friend “I am just trying to include you, I don’t want you to feel left out”

Danny, “ Then just treat me the same as you treat every one else”

Summary: