Give support and understanding (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: frangliz

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	28/11/06 (101 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: If you can confront it, you might be able to help fellow-sufferers

Disadvantages: It usually recurrs

I am writing this not from the point of view of someone who has suffered depression myself, but from that of someone who has watched two close family members do so. I am concerned that there is still a stigma attached to depression, and that people who suffer from it are often ashamed to tell their loved ones and to seek professional help.

Clinical depression is thought to be caused by the lack of seratonin in the brain, and this is obviously something that the sufferer is not in control of. It is therefore not a case of telling someone who has depression to 'pull themselves together' - they literally are unable to do so. This chemical imbalance is like a physical malfunction that has mental symptoms. We show sympathy and understanding toward other forms of physical malfunction, and should surely do so in this case too. It is believed that this drop in seratonin levels is sometimes the body's way of telling an individual that something is wrong: it can happen because of great stress, bereavement, or the breakdown of a relationship, and is a signal that the person needs to help himself or seek help from others.

As I was growing up, my mother suffered from bouts of severe depression and was on medication most of the time as far as I can remember. She was apparently a very capable librarian before marrying my father, but she belonged to a generation where housewives and mothers traditionally did not pursue careers. Looking back, I'm sure that being alone in the house for most of the day must have added to her depression, and I wonder if things might have been different had she been able to take up a part-time job. When I was in my early teens she took an overdose but fortunately survived. I can remember her being hospitalised on several occasions during which she received the electric shock treatment that was quite common at that time. I wish I had talked to her about it in later life, although she may of course have prefered to forget that chapter of her life. I know she suffered from a guilt complex, and when my first child was about to be born she insisted on being present throughout my labour until the birth, saying that she hoped it might make up for the way she felt she had failed me when I was growing up. She couldn't have helped what had happened, I'm sure, but so many people who suffer depression feel inadequate and guilty.

My father died at the age of seventy, and my mother was devastated. We all thought she would go to pieces, but she surprised us all by living for another ten years, and I think she actually became mentally stronger during that period when she had to become so self-reliant.

One of my sons began to show signs of depression at around the age of seven. We were living abroad but spending several weeks in the UK every summer, and during one of our visits I took him to a psychiatrist for a consultation. No further treatment or therapy was recommended at the time, and he seemed a little better for the next few years. When he was approaching his nineteenth birthday, however, I began to be very worried about him. He had completed the first two years of a mechanical engineering degree, but it wasn't what he felt he wanted to do. Added to that he told me that he was gay, and we were living in a country where that was totally unacceptable. I spent long periods listening to him pouring out everything he had been bottling up inside him, but he began to have very disturbing visions that made me realise what a serious state he was in.

Fortunately it was nearly time for a visit to the UK. As soon as we arrived he consulted our GP who prescribed anti-depressants and quickly referred him to a psychiatrist. He also had a series of counselling sessions, and by that time we had decided to stay in the UK permanently. I think his treatment came just in time. A few weeks later he felt well enough to enrol on an access course in music, which lasted for two years. After that he followed an open university course, and also began a relationship which has lasted to this day. Eventually he was able to return to a full-time degree course and graduated with first-class honours in 2004.

I'm writing this partly to give hope to others. Over the past seven years my son has taken anti-depressants several times, usually for a period of about six months each time. He no longer needs therapy. After graduating he kept up a part-time job but also taught himself DVD authoring and web design, which led to some freelance work. He knows that it is crucial to keep busy and feel useful. I decided to write this now as he has just been offered his first full-time job and feels very optimistic about this. It has done wonders already for his self-esteem and confidence.

Yet recently he and I have both encountered other sufferers of depression, one of whom is afraid to talk to his family about it or to seek help from a doctor. The other feels that it will count against her in her career. I want to encourage family members and close friends of sufferers of depression to be there for them, to listen when they need to talk, to be supportive toward them and encourage them to go to a doctor. Sometimes when I start thinking that life has been hard, I quickly have to say to myself hang on a minute - you're the lucky one, you have to be strong and support those around you.

I know that things don't always have a happy ending, but I hope that I will be able to update this review in the future in a positive way.

Summary: Living with family members who suffer from depression