Depression- you don't have to suffer alone (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: mummy2twogirls

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	25/10/08 (53 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: When you finally admit things and get help

Disadvantages: thinking that you are on your own, when you're not

I was never popular at school in fact quite the opposite, i was always the chubby kid, as i came from a chubby family. Everyone in my year was different just like the films you had your popular girls who never had a hair out of place, the popular lads who used to play football,the kids who where geeks, the ones who bunked of school and well you get my drift, and i never slotted into any of them 'categorizes'.
I used to keep myself to myself and try to join in when possible and had a few people i could call friends.
My depression i suppose started when i was about 14 years old, i had no self confidence and still don't have much now. I used to hate the way i looked, how i never had any nice clothes, and always felt fat and ugly i wouldn't dare look in the mirror if i couldn't help it, and i started falling deeper and deeper into this world where only i existed, as soon as i got home from school i would lock myself into my room and wouldn't come out until teatime. I was convinced everybody around me hated me.
I then started having suicidal thoughts quite often, i used to go to bed every night, put on my headphones and listen to songs which i wanted playing at my funeral, then it would escalate to worrying, whether anybody would turn up, then i even thought about which flowers i'd like. Then i'd think of ways of killing myself. Then suddenly two faces popped up in my head, mum and dad, i couldn't do that to them, ok life wasn't great but they did everything they could for us all. But in my head i couldn't work out why i was feeling so down all the time, i never showed it around people and always tried to put on a brave face, i guess i just wanted to be accepted by people and have friends.
I tried to join in with activity's and clubs and even joined the local drama club which i loved and i actually admit i did start to feel more better in myself and made some friends.
One bitter cold night 6 years ago,i was walking home from drama and some sick evil minded person thought it would be funny to rape me, i remember the whole thing like it was yesterday,i won't go into detail, but the police never caught the man who did it, and i ended right back where i started, even worse in fact, i hated my life and wanted to take my life desperately, so i snook downstairs in the middle of the night grabbed my dads bottle of whiskey, downed that and started taking endless amounts of paracetamol.
I immediately felt funny and my stomach started to hurt, and i wanted the pain to go away, the emotional pain in my mind and the physical pain i was putting myself through, i shouted out who anyone who could hear me then it went blank
I remember waking up dazed and confused,i was in hospital with my mum and dad beside me,my mum's face was puffy i could tell she had been crying, but i didn't know why, when i asked she told me what had happened and how they found me on the kitchen floor.
I was discharged out of hospital a day later and referred to counseling, i thought my family would be mad at me for what i put them through, but they where so supportive, i sat down with mum and dad and told them everything, and not to beat them selves up as it was my fault.
With the help of family, friends support workers and teacher's over time i started to feel good about my self and did my best to make me life a better one, i realized life is to short to remember the bad memories and their is only room for the good ones,
Depression is an illness and with the right help and support can be beaten.

Summary: With the right help, there is a way out