Depression: Living with someone who lives with it! (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: stephbond89

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	16/05/09 (31 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None.

Disadvantages: It affects not only the person but the people around them too.

I know that most people who are writing on this part of dooyoo, are writing about depression in themselves, but I am writing about living with someone with depression.

My husband was diagnosed with clinical manic depression before I met him. But I have been told in complete detail every single horrible feeling he went through him, everything which happened to him, and although he takes a daily pill to stop his depression surfacing, I still see it in him, and I still have to deal with it alot.

Ok here's his story:
He was just 18, and although on the surface he was ok, he had a feeling of sadness inside him which he couldn't understand it never really bothered him, until he was 19. Now we have never really spoken about this part as I don't like to pry and its something which he clams up on if its mentioned, but as far as I am aware, it was the break up with him and his fiance at 19 which pushed him, they had only been together a short time, around 10 months, but she was his first girlfriend, and so first love, and I suppose he rushed in, and it got very serious very quickly. His girlfriend had got pregnant, and they had decided she should have an abortion, which is going to be hard on any relationship, but they got engaged...but shortly afterwards, they broke up due to one thing or another, and as far as I can see thats when the trouble began.

It was coming upto Christmas 2006, and he had been getting lower and lower, he felt worhtless and meaningless, and he had voices telling him he shouldn't be alive. He did the smart thing and went to the doctor, but was told there was nothing wrong with him and he went away feeling even worse, feeling like he had something wrong with him, and that he was never going to get over it.

He stopped feeling like he wanted to do anything, he didn't have the energy to get up and go to work or do anything. But despite this, his family tried to act like nothing was wrong and to cheer him up, they all went christmas shopping, but over lunch, he had a huge arguemtn with them which just sent him further into oblivion. That night he decided to go out drinking with his friend, and drank a litre of vodka to try and quell the pain and off he went with his friend.

But as the night wore on he just felt worse and worse he had voices telling him to end it, that he was worthless and that he didn't deserve to be alive. And so he went off, and left his friend, he went to the local petrol station and bought two packs of Paracetamol...only 32 as thats all your allowed to buy, but 32 is enough, he swallowed to two packets and collapsed on a bench. Luckily his friend came along and found him and phoned an ambulance.

He was diagnosed with manic depression and given pills to take everyday.

Although you may think oh good, that wasn't the end, over the next year he was taken off and put on so many different pills as some didn't work, other had adverse affects and some had some unfortunate side affects. But finally in 2008, they finally found a pill which worked, Venlofaxine. But it still wasn't over. He was put on 75mg (which is very high if you know about anti depressants) and they worked for him.

Throughout the year after his overdose, he met me, and we became very close friends, he told me all about evertything and I was there for him when he needed. We were friends for a year and a half, and then we ended up getting together and eventually got engaged and married. And for the first year he was fine, no problems at all, if he forgot to take his pill though he would go dizzy, and feel very ill, but this was probably more to do with his dependancy for the pill.

But then in February of this year, he again started feeling low and down, not so bad, but just not happy, he went back to his doctor and ended up on 150mg of the same pill. And since then its all been good.

My husband was very lucky that he was saved when he took his overdose, and he was lucky that he didn't have to suffer for too long like some people do. He was lucky that he found he could talk about the way he was feeling- if only the doctor had first acknowledged him when he went the first time round, maybe he wouldn't have gotten so bad.

It hurts me alot to know the person who I love so much suffered so much and felt like he was so worthless that he no longer wanted to be around. And it makes me want to be able to go back in time and save him from that pain.

Depression is a nasty thing which too many people have to put up with and try and live with especially when its not taken seriously as a mental illness. I feel sorry for anyone who has to live with depression, I can only imagine how horrible it is for you.

I know how much it affects a person, and yes a little pill everyday can stop the feelings, but that can be very demeaning to people.

Good Luck to anyone suffering out there xx

Summary: Depression is not nice, and its not dealt with correctly by doctors.