I tried to find the words as best I could.. (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: Stephtin

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	10/08/09 (24 review reads)
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The dictionary definition of Depression that I can relate to the most is this: "a depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface."

That's how it feels when I'm having a down day. Lower than everyone and everything else. And sometimes that will make me angry, sometimes that will make me numb but generally it will make me feel quite self destructive.

I've only ever really been able to describe how my depression feels to people I know who also have depression. I find that although my friends try to understand, I almost resent them for trying. But I'd hate them if they didn't.

Depression is a much under talked about and simplified subject. Someone who is depressed does not have to be crying all the time, they do not need to have anything obviously wrong with them and they can quite often be in a good mood.

Me personally, I've gotten to the stage where I have more good days than bad. More often than not I can continue as normal, I've almost learnt to control the overwhelming negative thoughts that sweep into my mind at a moments notice, I've learnt to control my panic attacks and I'm just becoming able to talk myself out of a black mood when one strikes.

However this being said I still sink into an abyss every few months or so, sometimes more often, sometimes less. It's not something I can predict or plan in my diary. Even if everything in my life on paper is working perfectly I can still for some reason feel the inescapable need to escape, run away, hide and be completly alone.

That's what my depression is simplified. A desperate craving to be alone. A intense want to be somebody else, somebody different, someone who isn't ruined. Logically I know that I am a good person, I am very lucky and the unfortunate events I have been involved in were just that - unfortunate and unpredictable. But it's almost like my brain is wired wrong, as if there are two switches and dependent on which is active creates the mood and my outlook on life. When it's on normal mode I can think logically, I can be optimistic. When it's on depressed mode, nothing makes sense and nobody can turn it around.

I guess everybodys experience with depression is different, for we all have it for our own reasons (Whether we are aware of them or not) and I think part of the reason I'm doing much better now than 3 or 4 years ago is that I've addressed what originally triggered mine as best I can, and it's allowed me; most of the time; to see through the twisted biased cloud that my depression can cause.

Summary: I guess it's different for everyone