Depression (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: talisman2002

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	19/08/09 (21 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None

Disadvantages: Plenty

My depression was diagnosed last year although I'd been suffering from it for some time before that without knowing. I'm not the most literate of people but will attempt to describe my experiences.

How the depression started is a bit of a blur for me, I remember feeling down for sometime before I realised that I couldn't just pick myself up and feel happy. The worse I felt the more I tried to hide it and I used alcohol to do that. Not dealing with my depression turned into a favourite passtime for me, I'd do anything and everything to avoid thinking about it and drinking featured highly on that list. I think alot of my problems have been caused by the depression and alcohol, the breakdown of my relationship of 6 years and the debt that I am in being the ones that cause me the most problems, I lived beyond my means and used money to try and make myself happy, nedless to say it didn't work.

The feeling of hopelesness never goes away for me, every day I feel worthless and unliked. I sometimes have thoughts about picking myself up and doing something positive but they are quickly overcome by the negative part of me. I always see the worst in everything, "What's the point in trying when i'm just going to fail, who cares if I fail anyway." That's the thought process that I follow for anything that requires effort. I don't make any effort for anything and that attitude shows in my everyday life.

Before I was diagnosed with depression I held the view of the masses that anyone who had it should just cheer up, I had no idea just how difficult it would be. I always used to maintain the view that there was always a way to deal with things and there was always someone who could help but , as I found out, there's not. The National Health Service are uninterested in me at best, sure they sit and listen to what I have to tell them then they just prescribe a different medication or a stronger dose. The mental health team that assesed me didn't help either although I now accept that my attitude wasn't conducive to recieving help I still feel that they could have done more. I've spent a lot of time thinking about suicide and even planned out the method although I'll spare the details since people I know will be reading this. To date though I'm still alive so there is obviously part of me that has something to live for. I find it difficult to put into words just how difficult things are for me, the black cloud that surrounds me is not just there some mornings it's there all day every day.

I still hope that my life will change, and in part it has. I've given up drinking now and been "clean" for 6 months. I'm still smoking but have it on my list for things to stop. I'm also thinking about a change of job but that's some way away. I'm just taking each hour as it comes.

Summary: Depression