"Cheer up" (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: donnaford

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	21/08/01 (591 review reads)
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Thankfully I only suffer from what I class as mild depression. But how mild is that? For a week or two a month and often days in between I can suffer from a general low feeling to feelings of despair and suicide. Many of the poems I have written have been during these spells as I have struggled to understand how & why I felt this way.

The simple answer is I don't know. The most common argument is that depression is a chemical imbalance. When the levels of serotonin drop you experience depression. Serotonin can be increased with exercise or by taking medication. Other possible causes are thyroid problems, hormonal imbalances, head injuries and strokes. It is quite possible that depression is genetic, as it tends to run in families.

I have been taking Seroxat (Paroxetine) for almost 2 years now. It was given to me mainly because of my anxiety (see op!) but it is also an antidepressant and also prescribed to sufferers of OCD. However I feel this does very little to curb my depression. I think it helps somewhat with my anxiety so I continue to take it. I have expressed my discontent to my doctor but she seems to think it is better to stick with Seroxat.

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION:

- Feeling miserable/upset/down
- Losing interest in things e.g. hobbies, your job, sex, lack of appetite
- Lethargy/lack of energy
- Sleep disturbances - either insomnia or sleeping a lot
- Difficulty concentrating
- Thoughts of harming yourself/ suicidal thoughts

TYPES OF DEPRESSION:

- Major Depression - repeated episodes of depression (mild, moderate, or severe), without any history of mania. This is the most serious kind of depression because many of the sufferers can't function normally.

- Manic-Depression (Bipolar Disorder) - this disorder ranges from extreme mania to deep depression, sometimes occurring in a short space of time. There are 2 types of bipolar disorder, varying in severity. <
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- Cyclothymia - long lasting, sub effective disorder with frequent shifts between hypomanic and (sub)depressive states. It is similar in nature to manic-depression but doctors argue that they are different conditions.

- Dysthymia - is a mild, chronic depression, which lasts for two years or longer. People with this kind of depression continue to function, but they do not enjoy everyday activities.


Depression test: http://mentalhelp.net/guide/dep2quiz.htm

If you think you may have depression, please go to see your doctor - depression is treatable (by conventional & herbal medicine as well as therapy) and you could drastically improve your life by seeking help.

TREATMENT:

Conventional medicine is commonly prescribed, including drugs such as Prozac, Seroxat and Citalopram.

Herbal remedies are also thought to be useful but must never be taken in conjunction with anti-depressants. These include St John's Wort, Ginkgo and Kava Kava.

Therapy is available on the NHS - some people choose basic counselling which enables them to discuss their feelings. Psychotherapy, in particular Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is thought to be the best treatment for depression. It works by challenging the negative patterns of thought that govern your behaviour. I found CBT too cold & impersonal but it has helped a lot of people. Counselling was good (but difficult) but the NHS only offer a maximum of 12 sessions.

Often people turn to drink to alleviate feelings of depression but alcohol is a depressant and best avoided if you feel you may have depression. In extreme circumstances of depression hospitalisation may be required if the individual is considered a danger to themselves and others.

WARNING SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE DEPRESSED:

- Change of appetite - usually reduced appetite, but some people comfort eat when they are depressed
- Change in sleeping pattern - people
tend to sleep more when they are depressed because they feel lethargic or hopeless, although you may also experience insomnia.
- Loss of interest in activities - the hobbies that used to make you happy/help you relax are no longer enticing.
- Loss of energy - you feel tired even if you have been sleeping lots.
- Difficulty concentrating - I find it almost impossible to study when I am depressed.
- Irritability and restlessness - you might find yourself snapping at people for no reason or feel like you're constantly on edge.
- Thoughts of suicide - not all people who are depressed contemplate suicide but if the thought crosses your mind then it is likely that you are depressed.

DEPRESSION & SUICIDE ATTEMPTS:

Please don't ignore a friend or relative who is displaying all the symptoms of depression. It can be a matter of life or death.

About 15 months ago I was in that situation. My fraught relationship with my mum meant I had absolutely no family support. I told my ex-fiancé how depressed I was but he thought it was a cry for attention rather than help. After a period of self-harm I finally hit rock bottom.

On one occasion my ex told me to just kill myself. I ran a hot bath and prepared to slit my wrists in it but I couldn't do it. A couple of weeks later, alone and with no hope, I took painkillers washed down with vodka. I was sick the following morning so I didn't need to go to hospital. About a week later, after a night out that ended badly (I returned home alone leaving my sister, ex and my ex's friend in town) I decided to finish the job. Pretty drunk already I fished out some strong painkillers and started to swallow them one at a time. I had already cut both of my arms. My ex came home early and WATCHED me swallowing the pills. About 10 pills later he stopped me.

I didn't mention taking the tablets to my doctor until about a week later, and only then because my ex t
hought I should be on a psychiatric ward. (Of course, I believed him, thankfully my doctor strongly disagreed). My doctor sent me for blood tests to see if there was any damage caused but thankfully I was fine. My Seroxat was increased to 30mg to combat the depression, although I hated being on such a strong dose.

My sister told my mum what had happened so she was banned from visiting me. My mum visited twice, both visits within 2 months of my overdose, to help me with laundry and to give me some company. After that the visits and her "support" stopped apart from her weekly phone call.

My ex left Liverpool soon after my overdose so I was alone with my depression and agoraphobia. With no one to help me, I made slow improvements, making it to the launderette alone and shops on my road. Meeting and falling in love with Mike soon after helped. Knowing that I'm worthy of a gorgeous man's love has trebled my self-esteem. I still get depressed, especially with PMS or when I think about my (lack of) family but I rarely self-harm and I haven't touched painkillers since (except for after my tooth extraction!).

So you see, a plea for help is exactly that. The depressed person doesn't expect you to provide solutions, they need you to listen and be there for them. Never assume it is just a cry for attention. If they could just "cheer up", I assure you they would.

Here's a poem I wrote that describes exactly how I feel in the midst of depression:

'Despair'

pushing, crushing, squeezing tight
the pangs of grief press at my chest
gasping, gulping, wheezing breath
I feel the terror in my lungs.
choking, wincing, gushing tears
the sorrow wells up in my eyes
shuddering, shaking, rushing drops
I feel the tears flow down my cheeks.
5th January 2000

USEFUL WEBSITES:

http://www.depressionalliance.org/index.shtml

http:
//depression.about.com/

http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.html

http://www.depression.org/

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