With me always!!! (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: ozzy01

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	06/01/02 (55 review reads)
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I find it hard to talk about my depression, probably because I know I could suffer at any time and because it's hard to believe that that was me.

I guess my depression started as a kid, being abused and running away from home. I didn't know I was depressed. Doctors told me I was wasting time, by the age of 15 I was cutting my self, a LOT!!! Arms, legs, chest, anywhere that hurt.

At 18 I had a little girl, she got took away when she was 4 months old because I had bad depression and mood swings, I havn't seen her for the last twelve years.

I went to social sevices for help because i found it hard to cope, the doctor said it was the baby blues, and no-one helped me even then.

So life carried on, feeling suicidal every day, I hated my life. My nails were bitten down till they bled, I had gained a stutter, my hair was almost gone, and I couldn't eat or sleep properly.
Then I had my son, still depression ruled my life, I had a violent husband, but we left, my son was the reason I needed to fight on and beat this monster depression.
Life was ok, I adored my son but went to no-one for help after what had happened the last time.
I became a better parent and started to recover.
Then a new man!! (if you can call him that!!!), but he abused me and my son, depression kicked in, AGAIN!!
Then I got together with Pete, my best move in life yet!!
I had my second son and was diagnosed as having severe Post Natal Depression. I went on anti-depressants, they made me feel ODD, thats it, just odd. I was a dummy, and they certainly didn't make me feel any better.
I'm not saying they wouldn't work for any one else, but for me they didn't.
A good doctoer and counsellor is what started the real getting better.
5 years of counselling (on & off), I have moments of being depressed, but I'm not suffering from depression any more.

Depression affected my whole life for a long
time. No-one listened, now I have a solicitor, (who found me) who is fighting social services, because she believes they had no right to take my daughter away, so now a big fight on my hands, I won't get her back, but she'll know I fought for her, I paid dearly for having depresion, not many people understand, and it's horrible, it robs you of so very much.
I'm ok now, I have good days and bad days and know my breaking point, but i have lost 2 friends through depression, I look at my kids and thank God I'm still alive!!

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