Caring for a Depression Sufferer (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: sandrabarber

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	13/01/02 (63 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: There are no advantages to depression

Disadvantages: Everything about depression is a disadvantage

Depression is a truly terrible condition. It is as bad an illness as nnyone can get. It can strike anyone at any time and devastate their life. It also devastates those around the depressed person, who are often uncomprehending, helpless, and have not the faintest idea of how to help someone through this mystifying illness which does not require stitches, plasters, crutches or operations and therefore cannot be seen. However, it is estimated that depression (in different degrees of severity) affects 1 in 4 of the population at some time in their lives.

Depression runs in my family. I grew up with a mother who suffered terribly and I also suffer myself and have done on and off for over 16 years. I therefore have experience of how it feels from both sides.

There have been a couple of superb ops on depression lately which I would advise anyone to read if they want to gain some understanding of the condition. It is these ops that have prompted me to write an op on how you, the non-depressed person, can help the sufferer.

If you have never been depressed, it is not possible to ever imagine the isolation, loneliness, doom and utter fear the depressed person feels. You cannot empathise, but it is essential that you sympathise and show sensitivity and care. At times this will be very hard and will drain you to exhaustion. Try not to let the depressed person know this - one of the main symptoms of depression is feeling weighed down with guilt about everything, and giving them something more to feel guilty about will make them even worse. Hard on you, but then loving someone often is.

A depressed person cannot in their wildest dreams imagine that they will ever feel 'normal' again. They desperately need your reassurance that they will indeed get well again and enjoy all the things they used to before but which now seem futile and extremely daunting. Keep telling them that they can and will get better.

Depressed people
are often ashamed to seek help. When depressed, you feel like the world's biggest failure and weakling and you will at first (until it becomes impossible) try anything to put on a brave face to the world. Reassure the depressed person that they are not weak, that they are not a failure, but that they are suffering an ILLNESS and their feelings are a symptom of the illness and not the truth.

Let the person talk as much as they want to. They will probably repeat the same fears, thoughts and feelings over and over again, but please listen patiently. They need to do this. They feel trapped in a pit of loneliness and your listening ear will mean the world to them.

Encourage them to see their GP, and to go along with the GPs recommendations, be it medication or counselling/therapy. If the depressed person is too scared to go out alone, or feels overwhelmed by the prospect of talking to their doctor, go with them.

Please, please, please, never tell a depressed person to 'buck up' or 'pull yourself together' or 'go out and enjoy yourself - what you need is a good night out'. Do you really think they wouldn't do that if they could? Believe me, depression is the very last thing that a depressed person wants to feel.

A part of the way out of depression is to release feelings and cry. Let the depressed person do this as much as they need to. Forcing them to bottle up their despair will only prolong the illness. Create a nurturing environment in which the depressed person can let out their fear, anger and sheer hopelessness.

Encourage a depressed person to do little things one at a time. To a depressed person, just making a cup of tea is like climbing a mountain. Do not force them, but gently coax them when they feel ready to try.

A depressed person thinks that they have gone or are going completely crazy. Tell them that they are not. Repeat again that they are a perfectly normal person
who has got an illness as legitimate as any other from which they will one day recover.

Most of all, give the depressed person lots of love and hugs. A depressed person feels unlovable, they feel a total burden on everyone around them and feel secretly sure that their family and friends no longer want them around.

Consider too the horrible physical aspects of depression. As well as utter mental torment, the depressed person will be going through one or even all of the following: insomnia, exhaustion, rapid heartbeat, flushes, headaches, migraines, neuralgia, muscle aches and pains, chest pain, breathing difficulties, tinnitus, vertigo and even tunnel vision.

All of this is hard on the carer. It is not unusual for a carer to start to feel 'down' themselves. But the down you will feel will be nothing compared to how the depressed person feels. Nonetheless, take time out for yourself now and again. Go to the pub, see your friends, get drunk, whatever you need to recharge your batteries to give you the strength to help the depressed person through.

When someone recovers from depression, the gratitude they feel for those who helped them through is enormous. This in itself is a reward. Even more so, that person will surely be there offering help and understanding if one day this terrible condition afflicts you.

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