Dark Days (My Experience of Depression)

Member Name: gothbutterfly

Product:	My Experience of Depression
Date:	27/06/02 (72 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: there are none

Disadvantages: suffering, unhappiness, pain

I've suffered what I now recognise as depression since around the age of 10.My worst period of depression was several years ago around my 16th birthday.

I have noticed that many people have included excerpts from diaries written at the time of their depression.I too wrote a diary and there are a couple of sections which stand out that seem to describe how depression felt to me.

1st November 1999
"Shadows hang over me,I want to scream but nothing comes out.Nothing is right.I'm crying again.I want to be sorry but theres nothing to be sorry for.I'm turning into everything they expected,I'm fading away"

2nd November 1999
"People trivialise how I'm feeling.How would they know what hey don't understand?Why do I feel so vunerable?Like no one can save me.I hurt so bad and i haven't even got friends to help me.I ache for physical contact-a hug,comfort- but I'm so isolated.Walled off and shut out"

This is just two paragraphs from a dozens of pages but its sums up so well the desperation I felt.

I was self harming several times daily at my worst time of depression,and I would do anything to avoid getting caught.I considered and attempted suicide several times but luckily something stopped me.I didn't find anything enjoyable;I am an avid reader but couldn't concentrate on books, I like watching films but everything made me cry,and I had very few friends as I was bullied in school.I also took to drinking neat vodka while in school "to get through the day". The time was truly dark and I could not see anyway out.

What got me through my depression at that time was the support of my family.Although I kept it hidden for a long time,they eventualy found out that was was not eating,not attending school and often breaking into tears for no apparent reason.I managed to conceal the self harm for much longer than my depression and have only managed to get that
in control over the past couple of months-I've been all healed up for 4 whole months,but the scars still remind me.

I was given a prescription of Prozac from the doctors and offered practical advice to help me beat my depression.For example the doctor tried to get me to regulate my sleeping patterns because I was sleeping a lot during the day and not at night,or staying awake for days at a time.The doctor encouraged me to eat healthily and normally,but this was difficult as I had been eating very little and sometimes just a mouthful of bread would make me throw up.Exercise was recommended to release the feel good hormones,endorphins and when I pulled myself together enough to work out it did make me feel better.

I am happy to say I rarely suffer depression now.I go through bad patches and this makes me feel depression is a constant battle to be fought.It's always there ready to surface and I need to recognise that!


You may be suffering from depression if:
you suffer mood swings

your mood is consistently low,you may cry more than normal

you feel ill more often than usual and are more susceptible to illness

you have problems sleeping and eating

you feel the need to harm yourself

you cannot make yourself do anything for instance get up,take care of yourself,see friends,participate in hobbies.

If you think you or someone you care about has depression,get support.Doctors are there to listen and can offer helpful advice.Friends and family can often be more understanding than you would expect and can offer the best help.If you self harm as part of your depression you may want to consider having a look at my opinion on the subject(sorry about the plug!) as I have included some advice on stopping.

Take care everyone,and be happy.There are dark days but they can make the happy ones seem even nicer.

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