Piles are a Pain in the Bum (My Experience of Haemorrhoids/Piles)

Member Name: susan1967

Product:	My Experience of Haemorrhoids/Piles
Date:	26/01/09 (214 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None

Disadvantages: Can't wear thongs

I thought I'd write about a subject near to my heart or should I say close to my bottom. Haemorrhoids are also known as Piles and from now on I'm going to refer to them as piles as it's shorter and easier to spell.

Piles are enlarged blood vessels in or around the anus. There is often pain, itching, bleeding and a feeling of heaviness down there also. They are incredibly common, its estimated that over 50% of the population will suffer with piles at some time in their lives. They can be caused by a low fibre diet, pregnancy, being overweight or by heavy lifting. Its advisable to go to the doctors, even if you suspect piles, if you notice any of the following symptoms; weight loss, change in bowel habits, mucus in the stools or bleeding.

I first noticed mine after giving birth, but they didn't cause a problem for years, just slapped a bit of Anusol on and I was okay. Then one day my bottom started to bleed and wouldn't stop. It's amazing how quickly you can get an appointment at the doctors when you tell the nosy receptionists every gross detail!

My first visit to the docs resulted him shoving a very large (it seemed) finger up my bum followed by a small telescope called a proctoscope. It's a good job I've had kids and subsequently have no dignity left whatsoever. He told me that I probably had internal piles and would make an appointment for me at the local hospital for a more thorough examination. He also said that it was unlikely that I had bowel cancer but he'd like me checked out just in case, as bleeding from the anus was a well known symptom of it. To be quite honest, cancer had never crossed my mind as I had already realised that I had piles, but it was a bit of a shock to hear that.

A week or so before my appointment at the hospital, I received a package. Oooh, a pressie for me, I thought eagerly opening it. No such luck, it was an enema. Was this a joke, I thought, but no, it was from the hospital along with a letter. The letter said that I was going to have a procedure called a Sigmoidoscopy and that I had to administer the enema to myself an hour before I went for my appointment. Worse still, I was only allowed to drink liquid after 6pm the night before, I usually can't go more than a few hours without food.

Trying to give yourself an enema isn't easy, in fact it took me half an hour to pluck up enough courage to pull my knickers down and lie on the bed. Luckily my husband is in the nursing profession and has administered quite a few enemas in his time, but it can't have been very pleasant for him having to do it to his wife (who by this time was squealing and wriggling). He says most of his patients are better behaved! The enema is a bottle of liquid (sterile water, in fact), which helps clear the bowel of 'stuff'. My enema was a large one; seemingly they come in different sizes, I estimated that it contained at least 6 litres of liquid, but Andy says it was actually 'only' 200ml. Anyway after its all been squirted inside you have to try to keep it in for at least five minutes. I think I lasted four and a half.

After running to the loo, not easy with gallons of liquid sloshing about your nether regions, I was stuck there for at least fifteen minutes while the enema did its job. I wished I'd taken a magazine in with me. I weighed myself before and after my 'visit' and managed to lose half a stone in that quarter of an hour, but it wasn't the most pleasant way of doing it. I think I'll stick to a calorie-controlled diet in future.

At the hospital, I had to lie on my side mooning at the consultant. Everything else was decently covered so I never felt embarrassed about my bum being on show. A flexible tube called a Sigmoidoscope was inserted inside me. It transmits an image of the inside of the rectum and colon. Air is pumped from the tube into these organs to allow the consultant to have a better view (wouldn't like that job!). This was incredibly uncomfortable and I did feel a little faint but the whole procedure only lasts about twenty minutes and everyone looked after me really well. We all had a good laugh when the tube was removed, because my nether regions were full of air, and I had a good fart. Seemingly this is normal!

The Sigmoidologist said that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my insides - apart from two large piles - and that I had one of the healthiest and cleanest colons she'd ever seen. Strangely this made me absurdly happy, it's a shame I couldn't use it on a CV isn't it? Susan is a very good timekeeper and also has a very clean and healthy bottom. Doesn't really work does it? Anyway she said she would pass on my notes to another department and I would have further treatment to rid me of my piles.

My next appointment was to treat the little blighters. I was totally unprepared for the treatment and the consultant I saw this time was an arrogant bastard who didn't explain what he was going to do to me. Again I had to lie on my side but this time a ray gun was shoved up my arse and elastic bands fired up it. Well, that's what it felt like anyway. I was told that I may feel slight discomfort and a few paracetamol were suggested if required. I could have done with an epidural or at least gas and air. All I can say is that the sadist who inflicted such torture on me must never have had it done to himself. I passed out with the pain and shock of it all. After a week or so the elastic bands (which are placed at the base of each pile) are supposed to wither the piles by cutting off their blood circulation.

Unfortunately in my case it didn't work, they were a bit reduced but not totally gone.
I violently refused to have further treatment, which upset the sadist (sorry, consultant) who had his ray gun all poised to attack me again. I decided that I would rather live with the remaining piles and treat them myself.

Although I still have occasional problems if I drink too much alcohol and get diarrhoea, I find that I don't suffer in the same way I used to. I have found that Preparation H is the best pile gel I've used so far as it contains an anaesthetic which helps numb any pain and reduces swelling. It's advisable to avoid becoming overweight and to eat a high-fibre diet to prevent piles. Pass me the Fruit 'n Fibre please.

Summary: Where's my rubber ring?