In Search of Order (My Experience of OCD)

Member Name: Praskipark

Product:	My Experience of OCD
Date:	28/11/08 (153 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: I really don't think there are any

Disadvantages: Obsessions and Rituals that can take over your life and make you unhappy and miserable

Do you happen to check whether your alarm clock is set even though you know for sure that it is?

Do you hoard items which should have landed in the dustbin a long time ago just in case 'they might come in handy' one day or because they have 'sentimental value?'

Or maybe you tend to maniacally avoid touching doorknobs in public lavatories because 'they are so dirty?'

Have you ever been told that you are too pedantic when you insist on alphabetising the CD collection at a friend's home?

If your answers to these questions are 'yes', take a closer look at your behaviour, for you may either be a perfectly normal person, or you may be suffering from a serious illness!

Now, I can hear many of you asking 'what's wrong about these pecularities that almost everybody does from time to time?' Well, there is nothing odd about them - most people actually perform awkward rituals, but it is only normal as long as these things do not disturb your life or drive you almost crazy.

An example; (From my experience)
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A very close friend of mine, Rick, who I have know since he was 10 years old was obsessed with cleanliness and tidying. If you took your shoes off and placed them on the floor he would immediately pick them up and place them somewhere else. Then he would stare at the shoes until he moved them to another place. The fact that the shoes were on the floor disturbed him and caused him to have an anxiety attack. He was constantly washing his hands, changing his clothes, putting his books and CD's in alphabetical order. I first realised that something was desperately wrong one day in the autumn of 1992. I arranged to meet him in London at Paddington Station. I hadn't seen him for a year or so as I had been living away. As soon as I jumped off the train I could see him in the distance and thought he looked a lirttle weary round the eyes and had lost weight. I ran and hugged him and he sort of shrugged me off in a neurotic way and instead of saying, 'Hi Jan, lovely to see you.' He said,' Would you like to wash your hands.' I thought this was very odd and I suppose at the time I was a little hurt as I had travelled a long way specially to see him. We went for a coffee and a chat and I could see he was definitely wound up and couldn't stop shuffling and changing seats . He couldn't find the right position so he moved around the cafe until he did. It was a nightmare. Since then his behaviour problems deteriorated. He was aware of his problem but at that time didn't know how to deal with it. Rick closed himself off to the world and spent most of his time in his immaculately tidy room with everything in its place. His parents had always put his behavior down to shyness and being neurotic which was true but I felt that this was something more.

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If you have similar symptoms it may be an indication that you could be suffering from an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). This is an anxiety disorder which, as the name suggests, involves recurrent obsessions and compulsions - rituals such as those mentioned above. However, while such weird behaviour is performed by most people, those who suffer, like Rick, from OCD find them too big an obstacle to live normally. Thus, the difference between 'funny habits' of a harmless nature and those which constitute OCD is the degree to which they keep you away from normal functioning, reasoning and thinking.

Rick was painfully aware that his behaviour was odd and it hindered his normal existence. 'Painfully' is the right word to use because awareness of the disorder did not help him combat the annoying habits in any way. He felt forced to perform his rituals no matter how weird and pointless they were. So even though he knew something was wrong it didn't help him get better even though he really wanted to.

Acquiring OCD
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How do you acquire OCD? According to researchers, the disorder has both psychological and bilogical roots: certain brain abnormalities have been discovered in OCD sufferers. However, the disorder has not been thoroughly researched yet and there is still a lot to learn about its nature. It is generally thought that only people with an inborn predisposition towards it will develop OCD at some point. The disorder may be triggered by a trauma or a stressful event. However, this predisposition does not necessarily have to manifest itself throughout ones life. The onset of OCD usually takes place between the late teenage years and mid 20s in both sexes, but it tends to occur slightly earlier in men than in women. In the case of my friend he was 19 when the first signs started to show. Although OCD has been considered a rare disorder until quite recently (before the 1950's), currently as many as five million Americans suffer from this disease (1 in fifty). OCD afflicts men, women, children and people of all races and socio-economic backgrounds. I haven't been able to find figures for UK.

Symptoms
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Obsessive compulsive disorder manifsts itself in a wide variety of symptoms - of unwanted and disturbing behaviours and/or thoughts. Some people suffer only from a mental obsession or only from a compulsive behaviour, while others are afflicted by both. It is difficult to put all of the symptoms and behaviours in order, but three primary branches of obsessive compulsive disorder can be distinguished.

1. The most comon, and best studied branch of OCD includes various types of overt behaviour. The following forms of the disorder can be listed under this branch:

Contamination
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People afflicted by this form of OCD see dirt and germs everywhere, which evokes incredible anxiety in them. As a result they obsess about cleaning or washing hands. Rick was unable to go out to a restaurant or bar as he refused to drink from a glass from behind a bar or eat off a plate that hadn't been washed by himself.

Checking
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This usually refers to locks, ovens, taps, irons and other things that could pose a threat if left unattended. I know we all have these sort of panic attacks about checking things especially just befoe we are going on holiday but people who suffer from this type of OCD check things from 10 to even 100 times every hour or two.

In Rick's case he used to write several lists of things he had to do before leaving the house. Things like switching off the gas, locking the windows, turning off the water, tidying his book-shelves. As well as writing the lists he actually performed the rituals not once a day but over and over again. When he did eventually leave the house within 5 minutes he would go back to the house to check and carry out the rituals again.

Hoarding
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Collecting useless items such as garbage or old mail or excessive purchasing of particular items. This type of disorder is caused by the conviction that these objects may be very useful one day and thus must all be kept.

Ordering
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This is a compulsion to place things in a specific, fixed order, so as to prevent the overwhelming mess and confusion that might otherwise arise.

I think of all the rituals this is the one that my dear friend performed the most. I never ever saw anything out of place in his flat. Books, CD's, DVD's, clothes, plates, crockery. They were all in perfect order. Books etc were all in alphabetical order and stacked in size. Every knife and fork was immaculately clean and polished. Yes, polished. Even before using cutlery, glasses or crockery he would rinse them under the tap before using.

Perfectionism
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Persistent looking for mistakes or errors, to the extent that it could threaten one's position at work

2. The second branch of OCD can be described as purely obsessional with the main charactersitic feature being an escape from unwanted thoughts. In this branch there are also a few types of the disorder to distinguish:

The most basic form involves an upsetting word or phrase repeated in a suffererer's head - against his or her will of course.

Ruminating - this generally consists in spending hours trying to answer a question such as: 'the name of one's first teacher'

Excessive Superstitiousness - which often focuses on the significance of certain numbers. This leads to endless counting rituals. In this form of OCD the habit of avoiding cracks in the pavement or not walking under ladders takes on proportions which make normal functioning impossible.

Although I never noticed Rick ducking and diving from ladders he did continuously count pages of the telephone directory.

3. Finally, the last branch, which is more difficult to treat than the others, can be called responsibility OCD. In this form of the disorder, sufferers are excessivley concerned for others' safety and well-being. The 'others' may equally be society in general. Sufferers feel that people around them are exposed to endless dangers from which they must be protected. In this case the rituals, such as cleaning to avoid germs, may be directed at others as in the scenario I explained earlier with my friend at Paddington Station. It is very unnerving when you feel you are being watched all the time and asked every five minutes if you would like to go and wash your hands.

There are also some minor forms of OCD which are not included in the classification above. Among these there are, for instance, dysmorphia - a condition in which people believe that a particular part of their bodies is malformed, and olfactory obsession - the impression that a part of one's body is emitting a noxious odour. Naturally, in both these cases, other people will not share the sufferer's impressions, considering their body parts are perfectly normal and not smelly in any particular way.

Treatment
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Rick was eventually diagnosed as having OCD which was a relief. He was not crazy which some people believed he was but he was and still is sick. Although OCD is incurable, it is controllable and requires treatment. Treatment is difficult, though, and it may be long lasting, but up to 80% of sufferers improve significantly with appropriate therapy.

Rick saw a special therapist who taught him gradually to accept the feeling of anxiety experienced when a given ritual was not performed. It included two stages: exposure and ritual prevention (http://en. wikepedia.org). In the case of his hand washing (washers - people obsessed with washing hands for fear of germs), he had to touch something contaminated (preferably only something only 'slightly contaminated' in the beginning) and then not wash his hands afterwards. Although these were small steps at first, his anxiety levels began to drop and his compulsions and obsessions did weaken. However, what makes treatment difficult is the insufficient research on the disorder as well as its secretive nature.

While obsessive compulsive disorder is a serious disease which can be additionally related to other condiitions such as depression, bipolar disorder, anorexia or bulimia. It seems to be a relatively attractive motif for writers and film producers. There are a number of characters with obsessive compulsive disorder in film and literature. Think about Jack Nicholson starring as an OCD suffering writer in 'As Good as it Gets' or Leonardo DiCaprio playing the OCD sufferer, Howard Hughes, in the Aviator. However, the 'OCD icon' title should definitely be given to detective Adrian Monk, the lead character in the American 'Monk' series. The detective, played by Tony Shalhoub, amuses and touches the audience with his awkward behaviour. He sees the world as a very dirty, dangerous and unpredictable place which he tries 'to tame' somehow. Mr Monk displays all the typical OCD rituals - fear of germs, persistent cleaning and hand washing, checking and ordering items. However, his obsessive meticulousness is also what allows him to spot details, find patterns and make connections that others are unable to make. This enables him to solve the most difficult criminal cases and earn fame as a brilliant detective. Still, OCD makes his life quite miserable on many occasions. He lives in constant fear of being contaminated or hurt. But the whole show is built upon the dissonance - admiration for an incredibly skilled detective and sympathy for a sick man. We feel sorry for him and laugh at him at the same time - not only because he is just a movie character and not a real sufferer, but also because Mr Monk himself gives an amazing testimony about OCD's nature the way he talks about the disorder: 'It's a gift and a curse.'

Summary
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This has been quite a difficult article to write. To see somebody you have known and been friends with for a very long time, change from a normal, enthusiastic teenager into a neurotic, edgy, distrusting young man who is terrified of being ill and visiting social places in fear of germs, is quite a distressing experience. Not only was Rick physically exhausted from performing these rituals he became a recluse and for a few years hardly went out at all as he lived in constant fear.

Today, Rick is much better and although he is still neurotic and is still a little obsessive about tidiness and cleanliness I feel that he is not so afraid of germs as he once was. He does socialise now, looks a lot healthier and doesn't seem to perform the rituals as much as he used to. He has a long way to go but I think now that he has accepted that he has OCD and with the help from his therapist and his family he will in time conquer his obsessions and strange feelings. At least he is beginning to laugh a lot more which surely is a positve sign.

I hope this review/article is helpful to anyone who suffers from obsessive behaviour or feels trapped because they are unable to understand why they carry out such rituals every day. From my experience I can only say that if you have these feelings and obsessions you must tell someone and admit to yourself that they exist before they take over your life completely.

I would like to say that I have had my friend's permission to mention him in my review.

Below are links which will give more information on the subject of OCD.

http://www.ocdonline.com

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrian_Monk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S62bsgb6Kl0

http://en. wikepedia.org

Summary: A variety of Disturbing thoughts and Symptoms