Scary beyond words (My Experience of Schizophrenia)

Member Name: Amyefa

Product:	My Experience of Schizophrenia
Date:	13/12/02 (97 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Not too many at all!

Disadvantages: Life is like a nightmare

I have never been the most normal, but i used to be very happy and live in a dream world. Then as i got older i got very confused with the whole world. I beleive truly that i am a fairy, i still beleive that now i am 16. I beleived that everyone was evil and hated me. What made it even more confusing is that i actually look like a fairy, a fary face and i am very petite and people always call me a doll or fairy because of my appearance, this made me even more certain i am a fairy.

I heard people talking to me in my head since i was very young, around 7. The doctors said this is rare but genetical in my family. As i got older i started to see very strange things like dinosaurs in the street and 4 foot spiders. I didnt realise they werent real and why people looked at me strangely when i tried to touch things that werent there. I was very terrified at first but after so many years i am used to it and although i still have trouble to work out whats real and whats not (i often hallucinate very normal things like cups or clocks, so i cant tell if its real or not)

I am often depressed and scared of everything. I used to sleep all the time to escape but now i have very vivid nightmares, that carry on when i wake up. I am on several madications (anti depressent and anti psychotic) they have both helped considerably but i am still confused and unhappy alot.

I first went into hospital in 98, i lived there for 9 months and it made me quite a bit better, i was able to socialise and enjoy things.

I have not been able to attend school since i was 11. Sometimes that annoyed me but the doctors aranged for me a home tutor when i was 14. I was well enough to do schoolwork with her for about a year.

Then i became very unwell again and had to be back in hospital earlier this year for 5 months. I'm better now but still unahppy alot and sometimes hallucinating.

I dont know what will happen to my life. I doubt i will ever be a
ble to work, but luckily i have a very loving family that help me.
Even though im on 2 strong medications, i am not anywhere near a normal person. I also have suffered serious eating problems because of my schizophrenia and severe weight loss.
Schizophrenia is a horrible life and very confusing and scary.

I would like to be able to appreciate simple things like television, reading, eating, holidays etc but everything in my life is covered with gloom and confusion.
The only things which sometimes help me is music and looking at the stars.

Luckily i have managed to keep one very good friend who understands and helps me quite well.

I feel much sadness for everyone who shares my disease and hope that you are able to find positivity and happiness. Some poeple even live very normal lives with schizophrenia!

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