cutting into pain (My Experience of Self Injury)

Member Name: dooshbag08

Product:	My Experience of Self Injury
Date:	16/03/08 (40 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: it was a stress reliver for me

Disadvantages: i couldnt stop

My life was great...until I started high school. In year 7 I made plenty of friends but toward year 8 I started to change my style I became what people call EMO. Now when people think of EMO'S they think self harm and stuff like that but I wasn't like that, not then anyway. I didn't like to follow the crowd it just wasn't me and I liked listening to rock music and liked to wear thick eyeliner and wear odd laces on my converses.

My friends gradually started pushing me out telling me to get a life and stop being stupid, they told me I was different because I wanted attention... I didn't I just didn't want to be like them. What I call sheep because they al follow one another. One day things went too far with my "friends" I got told to go and commit suicide as I don't belong on this planet. I Ran out of school crying, I couldn't go home my mum and dad would be furious with me for running out. There was no-where so I went down to the valley near my house and found somewhere to hide I stayed there until it turned 3 o'clock I couldn't stop crying I really did want to die. I couldn't understand. I checked my watch it was five to three I wiped my face on my sleeve and checked that my eyeliner hadn't run and headed home. I got home and I was told to wash up... I stared at the dirty cutlery and plates there was 4 sharp knives in the sink I cleaned them and dried them I picked one up and looked at the blade I thought to myself wondering what it would feel like if I did it... I decided to chance it if it hurt I wouldn't do it again if it didn't I would...it hurt but yet I felt sort of relived I put pressure on the blade like the pressure I felt in school(it was a lot of pressure).

After I cleaned the dishes I went up stairs and got my sweat band and put it over the cut so my parents wouldn't see.
I didn't eat anything that night or the night after I had a bit of water that was it I soon became really skinny.
I started taking blades out of sharpeners and sterilizing them. When I went to school I used to hide in the girl's toilet and slide the blade along my wrists. One drama lesson I got fed up and took out the blade one of the boys came up to me and asked me what it was for I told him nothing. He told the teacher I had it I got upset and told her everything that was happening she rang my parents I started counseling and went to the doctors about my weight I was anorexic I was being force fed and the counseling wasn't helping I got more confused so I self-harmed more until I quit counseling and moved school I was fine.

I still have the scars on my wrists and some on my arms I look at them now and again and wish I could turn back time so I could of stopped myself but what is done is done and there is nothing I can do about it. I have friends now but only a few they are like me they have had problems too we confide in each other and help each other out.

Summary: i wont do it again