Tears have stopped, time to fight! (People's Attitude Towards Cancer Patients)

Member Name: Scooobydooo

Product:	People's Attitude Towards Cancer Patients
Date:	23/03/04 (105 review reads)
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I have not been around for the last few days as I had one of the worst pieces of news ever the other day.

I was out with the girls having a good old game of morning bingo and my husband appeared. I thought crikey what is wrong and he said, just pack up and come home, please. Had I forgot to cook his dinner or not pay a bill or had something else happened. I knew it was something bad as hubby would not mither me if it was not important.

But that day has changed my life for ever. Now mum and I have never been the closest of daughter and mother and by god have we had some hum dingers and not spoken for weeks.

When we got home, he said I am really sorry but you must ring your mum, she has got ovarian cancer. I nearly passed out in shock.

Mum is 54 years old and has been going through the menopause for longer than I can remember. She has been on HRT but was worried as at a general check up with the doctor, they showed that her blood pressure was up and took her off it. So she went to go on alternative medicine. This did not do much good and so for the next few months it was back and too and back and too to the doctors.

Eventually the doctors sent her for a pelvic scan and all her blood tests had come back clear. They found a fibroid in her Vagina, which was only small and generally they leave them alone if they are passed childbearing age and sometimes they harden up and calcify. Only if they become very large will they do something, so this in itself was no real problem, but they suggested to stop all the problems that she had a hysterectomy.

Well mum was told to go back to the doctors and appart from the menopausal effects, she was fighting fit. When she went into the doctors, she said when will I go in for the operation and was quite calm about it until they told her that the scan had showed something more serious.

Oh, what is that. We have found a cyst on your ovaries which is cancerous. Mum then said wel
l it might not be, I have cysts on my boobs before and it was always ok. This time they did not talk about it been benign. The doctors normally have a general idea. Her world fell apart that day. I think everything was a bit fuzzy and my step dad who was waiting outside was not aware of everything that was going on.

A lot of people knew mum was having tests, but no one expected this. People have been treading on egg shells with her during the last week or so and she has had to tell people to go away and carry on with their lives. Friends and family are constantly on the phone and asking her if she is ok.

I was strong and rang her twice a day to make sure she was ok. I was supportive and said together we will fight it. Mum broke down and started to talk as though she was going to die. I told her not to be so negative and fight it. This was great coming from me, but one who had a cancer scare last January was well aware of how she felt. She told me all about her funeral arrangements and everything. This really upset me as she was giving up before her treatment started.

However Mothers Day come and it was so hard to say Happy Mothers Day, when I knew she had this illness. I eventually rang but broke down on the phone to her and I think this was when it really hit me. Today I am fine but just needed to get it out of my system.

People have started to treat her differently and one man in the surgery was moaning about a soar hand, that he had scratched and carried on and on and on, until she could stand it no longer and he asked her what she was going about, mum just turned round and said Cancer. At this the man shut up and told my mum how beautiful she was and how healthy she looked and how was it possible to have it.

After going to the surgery she has had to have more tests to see if it had spread and the nurse who normally is quite chatty was in tears as she took the samples from mum. It is so unfair, you have never been si
ck ever and you get this. Mum told her to be positive as it might have not spread.

The doctor was stuck for words and said I am so sorry. She examined mum ages ago but could not feel it. But to be fair ovarian cancer is one of the hardest to spot.

One thing mum has noticed is that people often say well so and so had cancer and they overcome it. This is not really helpful, especially in our family where 5 people have died of different forms of cancer. They are only trying to be positive, but for everyone who survives it, we know loads who have not.

We have talked about everything in the last few days about if she gets over it and the worst result. My step dad is the most wonderful dad in the world and retires in September, instead they will be fighting this instead of retirement. We have said that under no circumstances must she ever go into a home if it has spread and I will go and look after her. All sorts of things have gone through my mind in the last few days and I have spent most of the time in tears and reading up about it and how it is graded. In fact, I reckon I could become a specialist on this now.

People have changed and so have family and mum is really wrapped up in cotton wool, but as dad was going to stay home from work for a week or two, she told him that he must go to work and give her some space and that she felt fine. She needs the cotton wool to be unwrapped sometimes as people are suffocating her with love and attention.

I am really scared this week and know that on Thursday we will either get good news about the cancer or bad news. Yes you see, you can have good news as if it is just in the ovaries then a hysterectomy should sort it all out. However if it has spread then it will be a case of chemotherapy.

She jokes with me that if she has this and looses her brown hair, then she will have a bright pink wig. All this joking around is masking her own fears and feelings but this at the moment
is how she can cope with the impending news.

Dad who is always zipping here and everywhere with work is now planning everything around mum. She has had not had any negative vibes from anyone at the moment, only people been helpful and concerned.

I thought I was a bit of a hard person regarding for feelings, but this week my feelings have been out in the open and been worn on my sleeve. My emotions have been up and down all week and as Thursday gets nearer, I dread it.

Yes I am guilty of treating my mum different this week, but the tears have stopped and now it is time to fight it all the way. And We will win!!!!!!!

Karen :0)

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