Who am I, what Am I ? (Psychotherapy Counselling)

Member Name: jeanjeannie

Product:	Psychotherapy Counselling
Date:	12/08/01 (64 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Helps a lot

Disadvantages: Not long enough

Having read Stresshead's V.U. Op. on this subject I wondered if I could add anything of value. It's 2 years ago that I received Cognitive Therapy & as my memory is not too good I looked through my other memory, here on the computer, & found this letter to my therapist which explained exactly how I felt at the time & what it did for me. I hope that it might be of interest to you.

"I have just returned home after our penultimate meeting and thought that I had better get my thoughts on paper straight away.
Looking back on the last few months and in particular our meetings I am unable to remember specific incidents but I do have the overall feeling that talking to you has done me a lot of good. I have become very aware of patterns of behaviour and how they contribute to my illness. However, I still feel unable to change and although I realise that “to recognise “ is an achievement of sorts I sometimes feel that things were easier before you made me aware that I could change the way I behave and / or respond.
I am, by nature, very impatient and now that you have provided me with a CHOICE I want to change overnight and be well adjusted, content with myself and less critical (of myself first of all and then others) but I have the awful feeling that I will slip back in to my old ways and the treadmill will continue. Perhaps you could give me some pointers as to where I can jump off without feeling a failure and remind me of my strengths, which you seem to see but which I am blind to.

We have touched on the problem I have had with certain men in my life and I have come to realise that I feel threatened by men in general. This presumably is why I chose my husband to marry as he is uncritical and undemanding. This still leaves the problem with the guy at work, which I honestly cannot see being resolved. My feelings alternate between hatred for making me so ill and understanding why he dislikes me so much. I also feel very le
t down by the partners at the office, their lack of action in the first place and the way that they always take the easy way out. It certainly seems to me that men in general bury their heads in the sand and hope things resolve themselves. I remember the senior partner once saying to me that there was less work waiting for him if he took 3 weeks holiday instead of 2 weeks, as problems tended to solve themselves eventually. This may be right but I find that attitude so frustrating – inactivity makes me quite angry but it is probably because I envy the laid back attitude which is totally contrary to my basic nature.

I am feeling very anxious and wound up just at the moment – (WE WERE MOVING HOUSE) our purchaser has rung again moaning about the apportionment figure and my husband is ready to capitulate – anything for a quiet life but I do not want to give in to him – it is becoming a battle and I feel that we have already given too much and he is bullying us as he sees us as an easy touch. I will have to stop this for now and go out.

29th. March.
Nearly a week has gone by and what a week; our purchaser has continued to hassle and made an appointment to come this morning as he had several questions. Worried myself sick thinking he would pull out but everything still seems OK.
Why do I get so worked up, there are time (usually in the early hours) that I feel totally panic stricken. However, I am still here which is something I suppose but I don't know where I would be without –
1. My husband &
2. Prozac.
James, I think I am going to need some counselling or some help after our meetings finish, I feel far from able to go it alone yet and it is nice to unburden myself to “a stranger”.
If nothing else it helps my confidence which is at an all time low, just to converse with someone apart from my family is therapeutic.
Well, that’s it; all that remains is to thank you so much fo
r your time and your help at one of the most difficult times in my life. It must be so gratifying to have a job like yours – you have obviously chosen your career very wisely.
Thanks, thanks, and thanks again.
Jean."

Two years on & I am feeling much better but I just want to emphasise that talking, getting things off your chest, crying, shouting, all of these things DO help; especially if they are done in a controlled & safe environment and to a "stranger", someone who will not spend the rest of the day/week worrying about you. It is not perfect, far from it but it’s much, much better than nothing.
It obviously important that you like and get on well with your therapist but I doubt if you have a choice under the NHS. However, anyone who goes in for this type of profession must be a caring person by nature. They are certainly not in it for the money or the easy hours.

The moral is - get off the treadmill friends.

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