Car polish is car polish, right? Well yes, but there are different types for different jobs. The trick is choosing the right one for the state your car is in. Soft liquid waxes are very good for cars where the paintwork is pristine with no dead paint. For cars that have some oxidisation (dead paint) an abrasive polish is needed to bring the paint back to showroom shine. Where the paint is very oxidised, or "as flat as a kipper's d***" as they say in the trade a more radical approach is needed and a cutting compound must be applied often with a buffing machine, but this should be left to the professionals as too much paint can be removed if not done correctly.

What is this Mer then? It is a soft liquid wax that is mildly abrasive and will remove light oxidisation. The creamy liquid should be applied neat on a damp cloth for this operation having first cleaned the car.

Oh, I cleaned the car last year, I can clean cars it's easy. Think again. Never wash or polish a car in direct sunlight whatever the product label says. Water on hot paint stresses the paint and causes fine cracks that will lead to rust, maybe not tomorrow but someday. Polish that is solvent based used on a hot car will streak because the solvent dries out to quickly.

Do it right. Wash the car out of direct sunlight with a good quality car shampoo not washing up liquid. Experts say that this contains salt and will encourage rust. True, but washing up liquid steaks and leaves salt deposits which have to be removed with a chamois leather, this buggers your chamois.

I like to get my beloved all wet before going to work, causes less scratches you know. Get out your hose; don't be shy. If you don't have a hose use a bucket, Hyacinth.
When she's all wet, get two buckets of your chosen mixture made using lukewarm water and get two sponges, one for the upper part of the car, the other for the lower gritty areas. Start at the top and work yo
ur way down as a gentleman should, splash it on all over Harry.
When you are happy that you've got all the crud off, rinse the car well with clean water ------ then wash it again. You will have missed some areas and these areas will have grit on them that will scratch the paint. When you've rinsed the car again you can just leave it or chamois it. If you are not waxing the car it really is a shame to leave the car to go streaky, so chamois it. I normally dry the car to save time when waxing, but if the weather is warm it doesn't take long any way.

Get your Mer out now. To remove oxidised paint Mer should be applied from the bottle with a damp cloth to a dry car. Use a circular motion making sure to overlap so that all the paint gets covered. The trick to using any polish is to use a clean piece of the cloth when there is any build up of crud on the piece you are using. Not doing so just spreads the crud round and defeats the object of the exercise. This is hard work so take your time; use plenty of CLEAN SOFT cloth. I'm watching you!

Mer is meant to be left on the car for ten minutes before polishing off. I do the whole car before starting the buffing up. This part is easier; I use soft mutton cloth to take off most of the dried Mer. Then I go over the car again with very soft cotton cloth to get the remaining dust off. White cotton shirts a great for this but co-workers do take the Mick if I'm wearing my car cloth shirt for work.

This seems hard work; it is but should not need doing often. When all the dead paint is removed its easier to keep the car shiny. Use Mer regularly on a wet cloth or even a wet car to maintain the shine and it performs like one of those non-abrasive soft waxes, not much elbow grease needed.

To give the car a boost, put two capfuls of Mer in a bucket of water and wash the car as usual. When the car dries just polish of the Mer and see it shine.

Mer can be used on all vehic
le paint types and on some really sad things like cookers and fridges and stuff.

This wax is like several products in one, a light restorative wax, and a fast to use soft wax or even a wash and wax. It cleans off tar, tree sap, bird s***e and other stuff. If you are really brave, you can polish your alloy wheels with it. Don't get it on plastic or rubber as it will leave white marks, then you have to buy Mer bumper gel to get the marks off.

Is this a good product? Very good, and available from Halfords at slightly less cost than from the importers.

Some of you will think I'm rather cheeky telling you how to wash and polish a car. I have a friend who owns a car valeting business and "volunteered" to help out during my holiday when he was short staffed. I learned a lot, earned very little but had a very clean car at the end of the week!

Anyone care to give my aching back a massage?

Clarification*

Mer is mildly abrasive, true. It will, however, only remove "dead" oxidised paint from a car. It has not removed good paint from my car.

So called "show-car" owners love this polish because it can be very easy to use without having any negative effects.

Before anyone accuses me of working for them, as in some of my other opinions, no I don't, so there!