A few general comments, surrounding such things as cinemas, looking cool, and smelling nice (General comments)

Member Name: nednod

Product:	General comments
Date:	02/09/03 (127 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: You look cooler than Peter Stringfellow in a thong

Disadvantages: dunno

I saw this, and thought general comments, what an utterly fantastic topic. When thinking of writing in my general comments i thought of many things, such as how beautiful I am, if the bogie in my nose really needed picking then and why in Lords name isn't Richard And Judy on. However, i then realised this has to be about films, otherwise those dooyoo police may arrest me, as if i had stolen 73 large pieces of cheese, so here are some general comments upon films, cinemas etc.

When going to see a film at a cinema always wear comfortable underwear, it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying sitting there sorting out your underwear, and trying to watch the film at the same time.

If you really don't feel like watching the film, because its really not your type, you feel a bit ill or it has Leonardo Di Caprio in, i suggest you pay a trip to the toilets, and sit in there, instead of staying in the cinema and making big tuts every so often, or you could just put your head up a big llama's bum.

Always purchase a drink, if you've purchased pop corn. Pop corn is nice to eat, but after your mouth will need a drink, I assure you. However, if you don't have enough money for a drink, and you've already bought some pop corn, i suggest you drink you salivar.

A few comments upon prices at cinemas: When going to a cinema if they are charging over £78.92 for a child, I suggest you don't go. This is way over the average price. You may feel that you really want to see that film, and if you are that desperate i suggest you sneek in, and everytime someone looks at you pretend merely to be a tree, completely confusing them, they won't have a clue.

If the cinema is going wild, and letting you in for under 3 pounds an adult i suggest you are very causious. I would suspect this is Jeremy Beadle playing his old tricks. Beadles About is I agree, one of the best programmes ever created, but i don't think it would
be so funny if you were the one having the trick played on. You should be looking for Beadle dressed up, he may be posing as a seat, you just don't know, the guy is so god at disguise he could get into Buckingham Palace as the queen.

The film: The film is one of the most important parts of going to the cinema, obviously it isn't as important as looking beautiful, but it is quite a big part of going. So what i suggest is when going, you try to relax, and enjoy the films. Please turn off your phones, stop rustling in sweets, and talking to each other, because if you don't, i might slip and accidentally stab you.

Always try and choose a film that you know you might like, there is no point going to a cinema to see Jeepers Creepers 2 if your a 6 and a half year old girl. I suggest you go and see Pokemon 3:The Movie, it doesn't matter how old you are, you'll always enjoy it, no matter what.

For anyone that wants to take their children a lot of their friends, some who have already seen the film and are just there to tell each other whats going to happen next, don't.

If you feel you need the toilet while watching the film, I suggest that you try not to hold it in, for none of us like to poo our pants while trying to enjoy a film, well a few might, but not me.

If half way through the film, you find that someone has actually just stabbed you with a large screw driver, I suggest you try not to stay till the end of the film, and just see it another time. Get yourself to the hospital as quickly as possible.

If you find yourself held hostage by a gang of men trying to force the Government to let them have lots and lots of money, or monster trucks, i suggest you keep it cool (this might get on t.v), maybe try rugby tackling all of the men in one big rugby tackle knocking them all out, and saving the day.

Just a few general comments upon not blinking too much while at the cinema: I know, I know,
blinking is one fo the funnest things you can do, but this may interrupte your viewing of the film.

If you do start blinking and just can't stop, it happens a lot, i suggest you carry around some super glue, and some selo tape around with you at all times, which you just ask the person next to you to add to your eye lids. Works a treat.

If you have a foxy lady on the back row, I suggest if she tries too smooch with you, and your trying to enjoy the film, you either:
1) slap her round the face really hard and go "what the hell are you playing at woman, i'm trying to enjoy a film"
2) fart lots, she'll move eventually
3) Stab her
4) Poke her in the eye, its a classic, she won't be able to enjoy the rest of the film, it teaches her a lesson, and it won't happen again.

Well now I think I've come to the end of my general comments upon going to the cinema, if you have read this carefully, i think you will have grasped the basics of looking cool at the cinema, and i hope you a safe journey to the cinema the next time you may venture there.

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