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Pick of the flicks Part II
Member Name: Nolly
Date: 31/05/01, updated on 31/05/01 (37 review reads)
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I love these opinions. You get to offer your considered opinion on something but also just waffle or rant to your heart’s content. So
what is it this time, Nolly old chap, I hear you ask. Well, having done my opinion on what I consider to be the ten best films- I feelit is time now to indulge in a spot of spleen-venting. Here goes with my list of the ten worst films. They are in no particular order, except for the last one, the one film that I consider to be the worst film ever made. You may not agree with my selections, and should you feel particularly aggrieved please do not hesitate to drop me a line at the following address:
‘Oi! Nolly, No!’
PO Box 999
Isle of Sodor
Please make sure that you include beer tokens to the value of £30 and I will be sure to get drunk at your expense!
So where shall I begin? Oh yes, I know...
Indecent Proposal (1992)
What a load of tripe. I’m sorry, I know that there are people who feel that Demi Moore is the most talented actress of our age, and I am sure that they will be hunted down soon enough. I went to the cinema to see this. I thought that it would be a good story with a good smattering of, shall we say, ‘raunchy’ scenes, and would enable me to leave the cinema looking pleased and, perhaps, a little flushed. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I didn’t get a rush of blood ANYWHERE! I spent most of this film looking at my watch waiting for the end- and even when the end did arrive, everyone in the cinema wasn’t actually sure that it was the end!
Good premise, terrible acting, terrible story- enough said!
I am not a prude, just read my comments on the above film to see how I am so definitely not! This is, in my view one of the most gratuitously violent films I have ever seen. Where a film that was made five years earlier would have been a little
more restrained, director Paul Verhoeven’s love of prosthetics and special effects brings about a film that is vaguely sickening to say the least. I didn’t even bother to see the director’s ‘Starship Troopers’. I don’t want to see people being blown apart by a car or getting their arms blown off ever again. You do? Fine. I don’t.
I have had to take issue with many people about this piece of rubbish. When I was a teacher at a comprehensive school in Sussex, I heard a pupil stating that this was the greatest film ever made. Excuse me! It’s trash. It attaches a so-called ‘love story’ to a genuine human tragedy with all the skill and precision of a 4 year old with a bottle of Copydex. Maybe I should give you a hint that will mean that you don’t have to watch it. The ship sinks!
The Avengers (1998)
This is an absolute travesty. I don’t blame the leads. Uma Thurman in her leather catsuit did manage to bring on a rush of blood, so to speak. It was trashed by the distributors and edited beyond belief. In addition, Sean Connery isn’t all that convincing in a teddy bear suit!
Love’s Labours Lost (1999)
Kenneth Branagh producers a Shakespearean comedy in the style of a 1930s Hollywood musical. Need I say more? Thank you.
An outrageously bad film with an outrageously over the top performance by John Voight. The monster is terrible, and the filmmakers were so stingy that they used the same scene at least twice. If you look carefully, you will notice that at the end the boat is leaving and it is a reverse of an earlier scene- so much so that the water of the waterfall is actually falling upwards!
The Omen (1976)
Now there are bound to be people who think that I am crazy for including this seminal piece of filmmaking. I am not taking issue with the film
’s subject matter, just its execution. When the blessed Damien’s first nanny kills herself at his birthday party, you can see someone pushing her off the roof! The Patrick Troughton death scene with the lightning conductor is contrived and silly, and Lee Remick’s death scene with her opening her mouth mechanically as if she wishes to catch a fly, is stupid. A slow motion bullet kills Gregory Peck. And the ultimate stupid line goes to Ms Remick when replying to her husband in one scene: ‘Why, we’re beautiful people aren’t we?’
To Be or Not to Be (1983)
Mel Brooks either makes wonderful or terrible films. His terrible films tend to be over the top in the sense of the humour, and the good ones are understated. But when he attempts to produce and direct a remake of a classic film that starred Jack Benny, it’s just a disaster waiting to happen. Unfortunately it didn’t wait too long, and it did happen.
Yes, Demi Moore does take her clothes off, but no she is not in the least bit raunchy or erotic. The best acting part in this film goes
to Burt Reynolds’ wig!
And so here we go, the worst film I have ever seen. Anyone who knows about this will not be surprised...
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
Universally recognised as the worst film ever made, it features Bela Lugosi in his last ever film, a tale of vampires, zombies and interstellar invaders. Unfortunately Lugosi died soon after the film started being made, and his part was taken by the doctor of one
of the cast and he put the cloak over his face to perfect the disguise! The special effects are so bad that they look as if they were created on Blue Peter, and the film is so bad it is brilliant. In fact it is a must see!
So there you go peeps! Ten films to avoid as if your lives depended on it!