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10 movies - 10 turkeys
Member Name: radams
Date: 12/06/01, updated on 12/06/01 (129 review reads)
Advantages: Some are worth a laugh or two
Disadvantages: Some are best avoiding completely
These are the worst film I have had the misfortune to see – or see the first part of… In some cases I’ve had the misfortune to see the entire film; sometimes it’s been easy to avoid seeing the whole miserable mess!
1. Streetfighter (1994) Claude van Damme plays a Colonel off to battle, to save the world, and Kylie Minogue is in it too. Plenty of action and bad acting. Raul Julia is excellent as the crazed General, but the script is so awful that even he can’t redeem things. What could we expect from a movie that’s based on a computer game?
2. Chained heat (1983) – "the ultimate ‘Chicks in chains’ movie" says the advertising blurb. Familiar story: a woman accidentally kills a man, ends up in jail, where she meets hardened lesbian criminals. Full of badly shot scenes (spot-the-microphone gets tedious after a while), and the sex scenes, if that’s what you can call them, are pathetically unreal. Fans of Bad Girls or Prisoner Cell Block H (not noted for being too worried about authenticity) are likely to be disappointed by this movie.
3. Battlefield earth (2000) - Isn’t this in most people’s list? John Travolta’s misguided attempt to produce a movie version of scientologist Ron L. Hubbard’s book. I’m not a huge sci fi fan, but this movie almost put me off the entire genre.
4. Emmanuel 4 (1984) – Surely not the worst exploitation film ever, and I like Sylvia Kristel, but there’s nothing else in this film to recommend it. Badly dubbed, a hopeless plot, and even the sex scenes are boring. Chalets filled with supposedly rich and exotic people, who are less interesting than a TV advert.
5. The Wood (1999)– this is in this list because it’s the only movie I’ve ever walked out on in a cinema. It’s about the friendship and growing up of three black Americans in California. Based on the first
half hour – an unimaginative tale about a group of lads, preparing for I found it completely dull, not at all well acted, and it really didn’t seem to be going anywhere. A big yawn.
6. Showgirls (1995) – again, probably on many people’s list. I wanted to see this because Gina Gershon is in it, and it turns out that she is absolutely the only thing you might want to see this movie for. She’s the only actor in it who seems able to make you give a toss about their character, or about the hopeless storyline and script. I found Elizabeth Berkely’s bad-soap-style acting especially irritating.
7. Police Academy – Mission to Moscow (1994) I was never a fan of the Police Academy series, with all their stereotypes and puerile humour, but the first one was at least watchable. The jokes had worn extremely thin by the time of this movie.
8. Bloodlust (1961) – horror film (the title gives it away a bit), with teenagers on a deserted (or so they think!) island, getting picked off one by one… One of those old B movies that’s so terrible it’s very nearly good.
9. Lawnmower man 2 (1996) – the first film was OK, but even that was only based on a short story, so how they expected it to stretch to a sequel I’ll never know.
10. Godzilla (1998) The original black and white movies weren’t all that great, and the special effects were dire at times. We were expecting something like Jurassic Park when this remake came out, but it was very disappointing, with the casting, and the acting, leaving a lot to be desired.
There are undoubtedly far worse movies than the above. I just haven’t seen them.
If you’re into this kind of torture, and want more, there are very good lists of “worst films” on the following websites: