Wrong - it was VERY easy (Coldplay in general)

Member Name: theediscerning

Product:	Coldplay in general
Date:	05/02/03 (58 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Will they just gubber off, please?

Disadvantages: No they won't.

You might not guess to look at him, but theediscerning likes his fun. He likes mind-altering drugs too.

But before you think he's sitting here toking (and in a public library that'd be quite a feat), let it be known he means food, drink, sexual hormones, and especially music, as all the mild-altering he needs to indulge in.

Many is the time when theediscerning needs a bit of happiness in his life, and his CD collection, spilling as it is from its full-height bookshelf, is a mainstay of those moments. Theediscerning gets as much enjoyment from buying new records as he does from listening to his faves, which is proven by the huge piles of ones he's got and never listened to.

The point of this far too long introduction to what will hopefully be turning into a jolly good rant soon, is that theediscerning is very disappointed in his fellow humans (and they include some of the people who share theediscerning towers with him) when all they appear to listen to is pathetic, whiny bilge for music.

In an attempt to "know your enemy" theediscerning has looked for Coldplay items on amazon and is shocked by how few there actually are. With all the hype this band gets you would think they'd released a massive catalogue of hits, instead of barely half a dozen singles.

Also, theediscerning seems to get hit in the face by this bunch everywhere he looks, so it is also a surprise that those punches have all been the same (left-hooks?). Just proves how memorable the singles are, and how easy it is to distinguish one distended dirge from another, then.

This rather upsets the apple-cart as regards this op, however, as theediscerning was going to have lots of witty chapter headings taken from their single releases, but in honour of the fact you should never write about what you don't know, there's not going to be as many as previously thought. Here they are anyway...

THE SCIENTIST

>Yes folks, instead of Blur going "Wu-hoo!" at full volume, in a brash, childish, fun and brief way (all essential qualities), we have some completely inept eedjit TRYING to go "Wa-hoooooooooooooooo" for far too long, for no reason whatsoever. So, questions for you:-

Just what lyrical genius is there supposed to be behind this godawful caterwauling, which only reminds theediscerning of a pub-ful of drunken English "lads" all trying to sing Robbie Williams' Angel at full volume?
How does this song, which always seems completely endless, actually qualify for the charts as a single?
And on a more technical note, how many keys is Chris Martin actually completely missing in that phrase?

TROUBLE

Thankfully, theediscerning is able to say Coldplay are a sensitive lot. The lead singer apparently never drinks, smokes, drugs or has sex, or something. If only he shared something of the originality spirit with Moby as well, then we wouldn't have to try and ignore his out-moded geetar dirges.

Why dost theediscerning call them sensitive, you say? Well, he presumes they are, as this must be their song written in honour of the Samaritans, for all the increase in business they've been given courtesy of their tedius, joyless product. Shame on them and their record company for creating such a public nuisance in the first place, however. "I never meant to cause you trouble" indeed.

YELLOW

Yes, call theediscerning jaundiced, but he will never see the attraction in this kind of stuff, - and he was a university student once, too. A couple of years ago it was Travis, now it's this junk, soon it'll be some other dour ex-student band who will be completely over-inflated by the music weekly press, and instantly be called "the best band in the world" by Q magazine.

What hope us people who like a bit of fun in their ears, whether or not it sparks sen
sible thoughts between them? Well hopefully, soon people will not be able to afford to go to university, therefore the chemicals in the water supplies of student houses that makes semi-adult males susceptible to this will not leave us with a nation of zombies roaming the streets searching for Parachute imports. (That's one of theediscerning's theories anyway, and he's sticking by them.) These suicidal people will not be listening to this TOR (teenage-oriented rock, copyright 2003 theediscerning) either, but may actually be seen to smile once in a while instead. And even wear colours in their clothes...

If you care to know what sort of music theediscerning does favour, then search the net for his other ops and make some conclusions. Or just ask, in a polite way. But don't come bearing Coldplay records, cos the only rush of blood to your head would be bursting out through your resulting nose-bleed...

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