| Product: |
Hear'Say in general |
| Date: |
15/01/02 (67 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: Paves the way for Liberty to say 'told you so'
Disadvantages: Egos already seem to be dominating, Amounts to wasted efforts if things do break up
‘I wanna end up with Jack’ screamed the headline of a recent edition of Heat magazine, featuring the Sonia-fancying-scally Jack Ryder and manufactured down to the seams pop idol Kym ‘UK version of Macy Gray’ (think about it) Marsh. And do you know what? She could be ending up with her wish fulfilled sooner rather than later if accusations of a rift in the shiny pop ranks of Hear’Say are to be believed. Things aren’t well at Popstars Towers with the goss being our Kym has had verbal fisticuffs with Myleene ‘I can actually play an instrument’ Marsh that threatens to envelope the band as a whole; it could potentially set the seal on a descent into oblivion even more spectacular than their romp up the charts last year.
Obviously the stipulations of the Popstars TV show didn’t explain that rifts were all part of the business (unlikely to have been over creative license), that there were bound to be arguments between Danny and Noel over who looks better in River Island windows nationwide, and in next to no time the long arduous road to fame could be curtailed before it even gets started. If you were a Popstars cast-off, wouldn’t you be just slightly on the bitter side of seething? Well, not unless you’re a member of Liberty: in which case, the cosmetically enhanced grins are probably remaining even more permanent than normal.
Despite the monumental sales of the onomatopoeic Pure and Simple, things have never been a bed of roses for the five who somehow managed to keep the general public from going out and getting slaughtered every Saturday night (although that had nothing to do with the Osmonds-style Saturday Night with Hear’Say shebang – I hear having teeth pulled was actually a more attractive alternative). Early indications of their plight were conceived within reports saying the members of a band so man-made they actually came with operating instructions were only earning
less than £500 a week. Now being a dole-dweller, that sort of money ain’t a great shame to come into (I think), but if you’re smashing record sales all and sundry and are in-demand 24/7 then you might expect a little more for your bank balance to make up for the incoming glut of break-ups from teenage sweethearts. Plus it doesn’t help when one of the band needs his mother to hold his hand on every decision he makes (that’ll be Noel then) and another regularly moonlights as Shrek (if it were Kym it would be funnier, but Danny’s got that look down to a tee). Covering Bridge Over Troubled Water could have been a pre-emptive metaphor for the ensuing internal wrangles. Of course it could also have meant that Hear’Say were adept at covering mind-numbing warbles with equally bland, soul-less accuracy, but in a world of coincidences something of this nature may prove to be no fluke. Monday, Monday….er, well, the news of a bust-up was revealed today. Which is Monday. Will that count? Possibly the turning point – I’m not sure if this is correct or not but it’d split-sides if so – is that the best track on the sophomore Everybody happens to be a remix of Pure and Simple. Now I’ve heard of one-trick ponies but this must be a case of one-trick being shared by the whole stable. Either that or a donkey simile of some description.
And now, in spite of the obligatory insider ‘yes they are/no they bloody well are not’ insights from an always bang-up-to-date media, the fivesome could quickly be back lurking in the pop wilderness, just like all the competitors they fought off previously, and all so Mullet Boy Nigel Lythgoe could come round and pretend to be interested in their families when delivering the at-the-time good news. ‘Congratulations, you’re gonna be part of the band’ – doesn’t have such a grandiose ring about it now, does it? Myleene reportedly wants ou
t in order to pursue a solo career – the fact she has even drawn breath on this matter is the clearest indication yet the seeds of discontent have already been sown. Solo careers are fine for established artists who’ve been around a little longer than the weekly hour Hearsay used every weekend, but this isn’t reflecting too well on your team-mates. Although she does play an instrument, which in itself puts her several thousand echelons above her counterparts.
Kym wants out because in Kym’s world, Kym speaks and Kym’s minions from Kym-on-Sea, Kymshire, (United Kymdom) listen. So she wants a pop career, someone who fancies Sonia Jackson as her husband, the time to raise two kids and a chance to pop down to Old Trafford to see Man United complete another treble. When Nasty Nigel in no uncertain terms called her fat (with an f as well folks) I think he was referring to the size of her head if she expects to be part of an excessively high profile group and still act as if adulation is secondary to a normal life. The quote doing the rounds at the moment is that ‘she’s sick of being part of a made to measure outfit’. Not exactly in the small print was it? Were you expecting to think for yourself? Hell no. Come to think of it, Kym always seemed to be the bolshiest of the five on Popstars anyway, so maybe the transition from television screen to real world has been a straight translation. Either that or a bad trumpet player from Walford is really getting to her. Whatever the reasoning, one person is never bigger than the whole band (there’s that weight thing again). Rarely does it amount to anything amicable – Robbie Williams is a preclusion to the rule, yet at the expense of Howard Donald, his own reputation doubtless just below that of Ultimate Kaos and MN8. Y’know, proper bands before television got involved. If it didn’t work for Northern Line then it sure ain’t gonna work here.
I haven’t even mentioned Suzanne yet. Perhaps because her only claim to fame thus far has been 2001’s spectacles wearer of the year. Case rested m’lud. Presumably she needed glasses for her Magoo-esque studying of the contract that’s just been given five minutes to live. If the unthinkable did occur and Hear’Say became the next casualty on pop music’s obituary list, then someone has to carry the can for prompting a break-up bordering on out and out scandal. The sudden surrendering of stardom short-changes both the band and the people that put them there, not just the judges, but also the general public wishing for a happy ending to this particular fairytale. Naturally, as things work, by the time you’ve finished reading this, Kym & Myleene will have made up in public and Hearsay will rule the roost once again. But, while I shall never profess to following or being a fan of said individuals (NEVER!), it just goes to show that some people simply don’t know a good thing when they’re onto one. Music in general has descended into being too presumptuous for its own good and is more interested in its appearance than its substance. Less than a year on from cracking the big time, Hear’Say already seem to think their time has come. Rest assured, reasserting their fame individually will be nigh on impossible, and in years to come, in spite of sales and viewing figures, they will be buried under a mountain of similarly deceased pop music careers. Who wants cast-offs anyway? And which is worse, being told to politely leave when the cut is made, or making the cut and then being told your future is less than, well, Pure and Simple?
Oh to be a member of Liberty. And if you think they can see out the length of their six-album deal, then you’re obviously a pessimist from the Hear’Say school of thought…
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