Product Type: Heinz food products
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Beans, beans are good for your heart, they're bloody sweet and make you fart
Heinz Baby Food
Member Name: deano76
Heinz Baby Food
Date: 19/03/07, updated on 20/03/07 (337 review reads)
Advantages: They're beans.
Disadvantages: Miles too sweet, too expensive and they taste nothing like they are supposed to
How strange, I could not find Heinz beans on Dooyoo yet alone Heinz mean beanz, oh well it'll do under the heinz in general tag until Dooyoo can insert the missing link.
Whilst shopping in my local **Cough cough** Coop yesterday - 'shut up it's a whole mile to my nearest Morrisons' I came across these new mean beans.
Me 'bean' me, I naturally like anything with the word mean in it and I love beans because they give me the power to clear a room at a seconds notice. So, I thought I'd see just what botty burp power these things have compared to the normal variety. They cost me a whopping 79p for a normal sized can so they had better bloody impress me.
Heinz mean beanz come in an average everyday tin with a black label featuring the Heinze logo on it. There are three flavours, mexican, tikka and sweet chilli, and the only noticable difference in looks is that the colour of the Heinz logo is either green, red or a pinkish depending on variety. All of Heinz tins now come with a fabtastic ringpull on the lid for easy opening (there's nothing worse than fiddling around with a bloody tin opener for three hours before adding to the contents flavour with half a pint of your blood after slicing off the tip of your finger).
Each variety is awarded a visual 'hotometer' on the label - 0ne red bean is mild and three is hot - not that any of the types are remotely hot in any way (why do white people struggle so much with making food really spicy - employ some asian staff Heinz and give us some spicy beans with a proper kick. The variety I'm trying are the (one red bean zzzz) Mexican ones with the green logo.
**Contents smell, look and taste**
Well, as you can imagine, when you open the tin, you are greeted with what look like, errm, beans? Little orange pellets in a watery, watered down blood red sauce that looks like a the residue from a bag of used tampons at certain monthly intervals. The only difference here is that there are little tiny red bits floating around the beans which almost resemble blood clots (yummy).
They smell about as Mexican as a chicken korma but still quite nice all the same. Sweet, tangy and a whiff of tomatoes (very obvious) are what greets your nostrils, now for the taste test.
Well, errm, not quite sure what to make of these, they taste like...errm, beans, nothing Mexican about them whatsoever, they do taste a bit sweeter than your average variety baked bean, well a lot sweeter actually but that's about it. Imagine Heinz baked beans with added sugar, honey, glucose, more sugar and your just about there, so a bit of a let down here to say the least. The bean texture is exactly the same as your normal baked beans (you wouldn't expect owt different though would you?) and they smell like tomatoes and lots and lots of sugar.
Heinz boast that these Mexican Mean Beanz are cooked with a secret spice (they mean sugar and bags of it) they contain chilli (not that I could taste any) paprika and cumin (WHAT???) I suppose that's to make them creamy (Gip! Gulp! Perk).
Ahh, my esteemed girlfriend has just informed me that cumin doesn't mean what immediately sprung to my mind Phew! (takes toilet plunger out of his mouth).
Anyway, for the extra money Heinz charge for these things I am really disappointed, the same quality you'd come to expect from Heinz as far as their beans are concerned is still there but they obviously haven't got the foggiest when it 'comes' (gip) down to the tastes of the world. Have they never heard of tabasco?
I definately think I'll be avoiding the other flavours of these and stick to the normal baked beans instead. They are low in fat and salt so I suppose for those of you trying to lose those wobbly bellies, they won't do you any harm although they might do anyone within your vacinity a lot of harm indeed (RASP!) WARNING!!! Avoid giving these things to your children as the ridiculous amounts of sugar will no doubt send them into a hyperactive frenzy and you'll get no bloody sleep whatsoever.
**Useless Info to pad out my crap opinion**
Yes Davida my chocolate friend get your Somewhat useful button at the ready, I deserve it for this pile of turtles poop of an opinion but it's only the miles I'm after (there's a dvd on Amazon I want) ;-)
Ingredients include: Beans (well yeah) Vinegar, SUGAR, Water, SUGAR, Mexican Seasoning (SUGAR), Tomatoes (bollox I know it's boiled tampons), SUGAR, Cornflour, Chocolate (WHAT THE????) in beans? no wonder they're bloody sweet, Garlic, Green Peppers, SUGAR, Onions, Herbs and finally SUGAR.
Each 390g recyclable steel tin contains: 272 calories - 1.2g fat - 3.2g salt and 6.2 Rictorscale (I know it's spelt wrong but what are ya gonna do about it?) measurments of fart power. (THRRRRRRASP!) Excuse moi (My god that wo a sweet one)
These contain milk, soya and are suitable for veggies.
Thanx for reading (I know it must have BEAN painful)
P.S. Why when I typed in Heinz Mean Beanz was I greeted with a picture of Dr Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine for the Mega Drive?
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