“ Brand: Fcuk / Cleanser / Gender: for women / Type: Body Wash / Suitable for: Body / Skin type: for dry skin and for all types / What it does: Cleanses, „
When I have friends staying I find that its never a good idea to assume that of the list that makes up my female friends, they will adore the men's shower gel products which take up most of my shower cubicle or make do with the disappointing no-soft-skin discovery of Dove's Fresh Touch soap bar. After all, I still have four bars left of that sorry product and I'm not wasteful.
Three months ago I bought what I thought looked like a professionally designed and thought worthy product suitable to use in my shower room, offering female pals a feminine shower gel which could, if I wanted to, try it myself to see what the distinctive differences are between a man's shower gel and shower gel for women.
Designed in what could well be a dead-cert copy of Boot's Botanic ranges, this clear bluish green lime effect shower gel features a bold white clear imprint transfer of a flower and berry pattern falling on a clear formatted bottle, with a squeezy non-aerosol pump tap located at the top. Take away the tiny lettering and it could pass for a stolen bottle of shower gel from any one of 4 star hotels under the Hilton brand. Put simply, the "Pure" body wash "with Pomegranate and Pink Grapefruit," no less by FCUK on first appearance looks enticing and inviting - not that the picture on the website (pictured here on Dooyoo) can give this complete impression from its distant appearance.
For £4-97 you get a large 500ml size of this shower gel in a round, tallish traditional plastic bottle and for that you can either look at this product with warning signs or consider a bargain and think of it as having £1 per 100ml x 5; yes, the thought did cross my mind when I was surprised to find this large bottle tucked away at the back of the shower gels. At the time of purchase I didn't however look at the price - perhaps I should have - but it was the look, the company name and the promise that attracted me to snatch this product off the shelves and put into my basket at Boots, which is where you will find this product. The product info states that is made in conjunction with Boots specialists, so it is no surprise that it matches my thoughts on the Botanics range by Boots in terms of bottle design and graphics.
Referring to that lime green look, we're not talking Vomit green here, or the kind of sludge offered up to kids in a £1 tub from Woolworths for the purposes of making noises like farting when fingers are pushed into the sludge. Instead, there is a light greenish blue effect to this gel at the time of purchase and according to the bottle (which you won't find on FCUK's website) the bottle states that it has a "triple moisturising gel...contains extract of Pomegranate to firm up skin," as well as Jojoba oil and Vitamin E to soften skin whilst the Pink Grapefruit is added to apparently refresh your body.
You may have heard it all before, because I certainly have and try as you may to look at the tiny black lettering, which sits around the bottom of the bottle's rim, this confession from the bottle makes my choice look positively heavenly.
Which of course, it has not turned out to be;
For a start upon releasing from the pump activated top, the shower wash/gel/you decide, spreads onto my hand in a runny opaque green gel; looking a little like Tea Tree oil and has no blue tint to it. It is not thick in consistency like Radox, or Sanex shower gel/wash and nor is it like anything other than the cheap shower gels you can find for 99p (usually Co Op's dire environmental whale friendly Arctic Blue shower gel springs to mind here because of its runny thin gel.) Applied to a shower puff, the liquid foams up easily but it doesn't quite foam up into the "creamy foam" substance FCUK would have you believe. Since this is a triple action formula, how can light foam suitably leave skin smooth and refreshed?
Instead you'll be thankful that the company have produced this shower wash with a pump action tap, because I needed to pump at least five times of the amount of wash gel onto my net before I could get this stuff foamed up. Once it is applied to skin, it washes off very easily, so rinsing isn't a problem. Frankly regardless of the price, I find that slightly disappointing with each use given the credos of the FCUK name.
It doesn't just stop there in terms of disappointment.
The scent is how FCUK have perhaps FCUK'ed themselves quite literally on. It is, by it's very marketing supposed to be a fruity gel, containing citrus fruit and a pomegranate and for the price you've paid from a supposed premium women's body/lifestyle company, I'd have thought more from them.
The scent smells like my mum's dreaded perfume of the 1980's, POISON by Christian Dior and with a little hint here and there of Grapefruit (always welcome if you like citrus fruity body products) with a hint of red wine, which I'm guessing is supposed to be the scent of Pomegranate. The bottle even goes onto say that it has floral tones of Violet, Vanilla and Pepper and is supposed to conjure up "oriental scents." Nothing however could be farther from the truth.
So after all is said and done, despite repeated amounts spread on my body with a flannel or a puff (I've used alternatives as you can tell, for the purpose of testing) the use of a net puff manages to get most of the fluff this gel provides; it is at best light creamy foam which the gel produces rather than just the use of the word "creamy," which to my mind conjures up images of Dove shower cream, or any other heavily thickened cream designed to lift your senses and melt the stress of the day. At least when this product is finished I can retain the bottle to fill with other products, and in a flippant way that's recycling for you thanks to its screw top.
Triple Moisturising Action? Well on the dry skin patches, the skin still felt rough. On the soft areas of my body, my skin felt lightly smooth, but not any different to any other average shower gel on the market which promises similar claims. And what about the long staying power of the scent once you're out of the shower? Well, my friends - that is the biggest shocker of them all!
For all that is overpowering in the shower and imparts a mind swooning feeling like walking into the perfume halls at department stores, the scent vanishes the moment you towel down. Yes, by the time you've blown your hair dry, or towel dry and dried your bits, you're left with a scent of a shower room at a swimming pool - dank, musty skin with a concoction of slightly stale chlorine after-tones. Not very heavenly or exotic in my opinion!
Words from the ladies? Well, let's just say I won't be receiving Molton Brown shower wash next Christmas. As one friend remarked, she thought the bottle looked better than the actual gel. Which is probably what I deserve from trusting a brand that should know what women want. Triple Action Moisturising and Exotic? Give Boots a bit more money to carry your advertising, FCUK and How very dare you, FCUK! Thanks for reading. ©Nar2 2007