Product Type: Lush Bath / Shower
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Lush Buffy the Backside Slayer
Member Name: wicked_witch
Lush Buffy the Backside Slayer
Date: 24/02/03, updated on 24/02/03 (3536 review reads)
Advantages: Works like a charm, feels yummy, worth the cash
Disadvantages: not cheap if you use it regularly
The delightfully named Buffy the Backside Slayer (which sounds, as someone pointed out, like a dodgy porn movie) is a newish product from my absolute fave body care shop in the world. Lush of course! All puns aside and without wondering how Lush actually got away with calling it this without Warner Bros banging down the door, if you want a Buffy butt, this is the way to go. OK, so we all know its not going to tone your ass down to a size eight so you can fit into those red leather trousers (last bad Buffy reference I promise), but(t?) Buffy will give you a derriere to die for, whatever your dress size.
I discovered this product through the Lush Times, which is a cute, interesting little newspaper-like thing you can pick up in Lush shops, or you can get it sent direct to your door. I wonder how many of us study the pages cover to cover for new, expensive ways to treat our skin…Anyway, Buffy struck me as an interesting idea. Being only eighteen, vegan, fairly active and massive on the water drinking and fruit eating, I don’t really have any cellulite shaped worries, but I do have a curvy butt, and unfortunately, despite the fact I’ve dropped out of college (!), my bum does get a bit rough when I spend too much time sitting on it! But, I digress, so, without further ado, here’s the scoop on getting a perfect rear (hey, Kylie uses them!)
Cocoa Butter (your bound to have heard of this stuff. Beautiful smelling, lovely melty stuff that gives you silky skin.)
Shea Butter (same again)
Ground rice (the grainy bits that slough away all your icky dead skin)
Ground almonds (ditto)
Aduki beans (double ditto. Worth noting that The Body Shop sells these in little pot
s for face exfoliation, which are very good by the way.).
Lavender oil (I assume this is a new development because Buffy originally smelled like cat piss if you pardon my coarseness)
Lemon oil (gives it a nice sharp tang)
Buffy the backside slayer is suitable for vegans (duh, or I wouldn’t be writing this op), but may contain nut traces.
Buffy the Backside Slayer is a rather unappealing looking slab of beige stuff with little dark speckles. It gets a 3/5, purely because it doesn’t look as puke-like or something unmentionable-like as some Lush products, it’s just not all that attractive really. In other words nothing like Buff…(oh, no, I promised).
The first Buffy I ever bought smelled so rank it made me sick to use it. No exaggeration, it did actually smell like pee. I think Lush might have been overdoing the perfume and lemon oil. The only reason I persevered with it was because it worked so damn well, even if your legs did stink a bit after use. Fortunately, Lush got the message of my multiple emails (hee hee) and reduced the acrid stench (and really, it was like the Bog of Eternal Stench from the Labyrinth). Now Buffy has a not gorgeous, but fairly pleasant smell to it. It’s kind of a mixture of the soft, dull scent of lavender and a sharp citrussy trace to it. 3/5 again. Some love the smell, I merely think its OK.
How to use it
Simple. In the bath (standing up, don’t use it under water, running or not) or shower, make sure your skin is soaking (if you dunk the bar it melts really quick) and then start scrubbing away, circular motions seem to get the best result (although I’ve heard you should always stroke towards the heart when exfoliating). Buffy can be used all over the body, but some, like me, just use the Buffy on the butt and legs, and leave the rest to the King of Skin and a nice rough loofah (but t
hat’s another op!). Then, dry off (or better, leave your legs to dry naturally) and viola, sexy Butt-o-rama.
Its heaven in a little massage bar. Scrubbing your skin with Buffy makes you feel wonderfully clean and invigorated, it’s almost as good a wakeup as the Red Rooster (for the uninitiated- i.e., not Karenuk J, the Red Rooster is a wakeup soap. I advise you steer clear at all costs, it stinks and dyes the bath orange). It gets the old circulation pumping, so its wise not to use it in a pre-bed bath or shower, as it’ll probably keep you up, unless your planning on getting a lot of exercise in bed (ahem). And while the rice and aduki beans are doing their rough-skin slaying (sorry, that was too easy), the butters and lavender are working to soften the new flesh underneath. I am not joking you, you have NEVER felt smooth skin til you have used one of these babies, it just makes you want to sit and stroke your legs ALL day. It’ll make everyone else want to as well! The immediate effects are good, but if you use Buffy two or three times a week permanently, you will have the second best butt in the world (no prizes for guessing who wins that). It’s also worth noting that when you use a Buffy, water just seems to sit on your skin and not sink in, it leaves kind of a greasy coating. Its weird, and it goes away when your legs dry, but I thought I’d tell you anyway ;-).
The damage to the pocket
Buffy costs £2.45 for a 70g bar. If you use Buffy on your whole body, your lucky to get two uses out of it, if you just use it on your butt and legs, it’ll last sixish uses at the very maximum. You need to remember to take it away from the bath after you use it, the moisture melts it, and one way of making it last longer is to use it, then continue to rub in the beans using your hands (good exercise for the arms too!), all this will make it last longer. It’s not expensive in itself,
but if you develop a dependence on it, your substance abuse problem will add up, believe me! But when compared to those incredibly expensive butt toning and smoothing lotions you can buy, Buffy’s really cheap (just look at those FHM covers), and has the added advantage of being mostly natural, not all chemically and yuck.
Did you READ the rave reviews? Buffy kicks butt, quite literally in fact. With regular use, you will want to show your bum to everybody. Which, I suppose, could get you arrested, and this, to be fair, it the only disadvantage of Buffy I can think of (except possibly its miraculous ability to do disappearing acts- when it doesn’t melt your friends nick it.). It won’t make you quite as pert as Kylie, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer for that matter, but it will give you a strokeable bum that will prevent a sane boyfriend (if your unfortunate enough to have one) from leaving you. EVER!
On the minus point it cant be long til Lush are sued for their creative use of names (you can now also buy The Strokes hair conditioner!!!!!!!!!)
Working titles-Just for the hell of it you understand
Buffy kicks ass
Bring your butt back from the dead
(And Lush's fave) Slay the demons of dead skin
I’m going to get up on my healthy lifestyle soapbox. Buffy may make the outside almost supernaturally (haha) soft, but treating the inside will make it not only soft and smooth and cellulite-less, but healthy too! Six to eight glasses of water a day, lots of fruit and veg, oily fish or alternatives (nuts, seeds and veg oils) and plenty of exercise will give you a butt to die for. Lecture over. Over and out.