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Forget your three wishes...all you need is one!
Genie Head Massager
Member Name: GodfatherOfSoul
Genie Head Massager
Date: 02/03/12, updated on 19/02/13 (102 review reads)
Advantages: Very effective. Very cheap. Other people's reactions the first time they use it.
Disadvantages: Seems a bit brittle but will last with care.
I first experienced the Genie whilst I was at uni sat minding my own business in my room hacking my way through a never-ending sea of Economics literature. All of a sudden I was hit by a feeling that made me tingle to my very core. I spun around on my chair to glean the source of this unexpected pleasure and saw my housemate stood there with a massive grin on her face and a Genie Head Massager in hand. "Good, isn't it" she said mischievously. Well if that wasn't the understatement of the day!
She had hit me unexpectedly with a single down and up movement of the Genie and whilst taking little regard for my carefully groomed hair that day she had introduced me to one of the cheapest and best relaxation gadgets I've ever experienced. After finding out what and where this product was from I had clicked 'buy now' on Amazon faster than the motion of the genie that prompted me to do so. Priced at just over £2 and thinking that I'd paid more than that for a standing space on an unairconditioned bus that very day, how could I go wrong? A few days later it arrived in the post. It came encased in a clear plastic cylinder which had on it a printed red and black design making it look far more expensive than it was. There was a brief introduction to the Genie written on the side of the tube but no instructions on how to use it. Fortunately I had already gained sufficient practice in this area after constantly hounding my housemate for a lend of hers. But now I had my own so I downed books immediately and started to unleash its magic on my scalp.
It has 12 flexible metal fingers which radiate from a short handle bearing the name Genie. There are an even number of alternating long fingers and short fingers each tipped with a small black plastic node and the whole things is curved similarly to a human hand as if it were grasping a tennis ball. Also think of an egg whisk with the bottom cut off allowing each finger to spring outwards slightly. The idea is that you hold the genie directly above your head and then push it down over your scalp and back up again in smooth repeating motions. You can also run the fingers across your head in a dragging motion or pretty much adopt any technique which works best for you. The plastic nodes on each finger stimulate different nerve endings on your head releasing feel good hormones (endorphins to those who want to know) leaving you feel calm and relaxed. Looking at it, you wouldn't believe it to be much more than a cheap and ineffective gadget. After all, it isn't motorised in any way and is of a very basic design. I have seen countless other head and back massages varying from the vibrating tortoise shaped ones to the heated, noise emitting instruments that would fit in effortlessly on the set of Star Trek. However, the Genie is proof that the simplest ideas are often the best!
As with most massaging devices this is also much better when someone else operates it for you. This way you don't have to concentrate and can relax completely and enjoy the sensation. Be sure that you don't allow any ham-fisted gibbons to use the Genie on you though. I can verify that it isn't anywhere near as relaxing or soothing if the operator is prone to employing clumsy and forceful stabbing motions of the Genie. If the only person at hand happens to be one of these very buffoons then first show them how it's done by using the Genie on them and they will soon appreciate the necessary motions for its proper use. It is still very easy to operate on your own though. The only issue being an aching arm as you move the Genie around your head. But this never really takes effect for me in the 2-3 minutes I use it for at a time.
The sensation is very hard to describe and the first stroke always catches me off guard even though I know what's coming. It sends a tingly sensation across my head and down the back of neck and no matter what I was just doing I feel instantly soothed by it. It's a great way to de-stress and so handy to have if you find yourself in need of a quick relax or to settle your simmering tension levels. The effect is definitely most effective at the start of each 'session'. After two or three minutes the strength of the sensation starts to wane and you don't feel the benefit as much but I find that you only need a few minutes of the Genie to feel completely relaxed anyway. If you're in need of a second dose or just can't get enough then after half an hour or so you can start over and enjoy that initial tingle all over again.
I've been using my Genie now more for well over a year and it has managed to remain in its original unbroken condition. This is despite dropping it several times and using it on an almost daily basis. I won't lie, it does look brittle and you will find yourself fearing its sudden demise. God forbid should one of the fingers break loose or one of the plastic nodes fall off leaving you with an incomplete or slightly painful massager. But thankfully this has not happened and it has proven to be much hardier than it looks. Each finger is securely fitted inside the metal handle and the black plastic nodes on each of them are fixed on well. With gentle care this should last you a long time like mine has done for me. I keep mine in the plastic tube it comes in which keeps it safe from accidental damage and also holds the fingers inwards to retain the shape of the Genie. In the tube it looks more like an egg whisk and extends outwards once you remove it. I find it easier to put it back into the tube handle first as the fingers just bend inwards as you push it down gently with the palm of your hand over the ends. Be careful when removing it though so you don't inadvertently pull off one of the nodes or bend one of the fingers. I think this would be hard to do though so it's not necessary to act as though you're disarming a bomb when doing so.
I'm so pleased with my Genie that I thought it would be selfish of me not to let others in on the secret powers of this octopus shaped wand and so I bought one for several of my family members as Christmas presents. I got almost as much pleasure out of their faces distorted with intrigue and confusion upon unwrapping the present as I get from the Genie itself. Naturally, I had to step in and explain myself and give a guided demonstration. Their first reaction? Exactly the same as mine; an unexpected spine tingling sensation of delight!
=== Availability ===
Firebox: £5.99 (on pre-order)
eBay: available for around £3.99 (make sure you get the right one - check the image)
Amazon: £3.90-£5.99 (various sellers)
Also available on various online shopping sites. Just make sure you get the correct one because there are some copycats outs there and I can't vouch for their effectiveness. The one you want to get is the one shown in the image here with a black knob on the end of the handle. Better still if you can verify the plastic case it will come in - it's an unmistakable transparent cylinder with red and black print. Feel free to message me if you're not completely sure - I'd be more than willing to help out.
Thank you for reading :)
Summary: Probably the cheapest and most effective massaging tool there is!
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