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A man and his demons
A Man Named Dave - Dave Pelzer
Member Name: sweetpea1
A Man Named Dave - Dave Pelzer
Date: 02/07/06, updated on 02/07/06 (7439 review reads)
Advantages: Knowing there is help out there. Dave grows up a good man.
Disadvantages: His horrific upbringing.
Dave Pelzer's book - A Man Named Dave - is his third book about his life. The first book, 'A Child Called It' covered his childhood and how he survived the extreme physical and mental abuse he received from his Mother. The second book, 'The Lost Boy', covers his teenage years and his 5 foster homes. This book covers his adult life. Although his has written another book, this is the last one in the series concerning his life.
As a child he dreamt of being Superman. How he would fly and be free. Free from 'The Mother' as he called her. As he lay on his cold, hard, army cot, he would dream of a better life. Little did he know at the time that his dream would come true.
At the age of 18 he joined the air force. He wanted to be a pilot. He didn't start off that way. He worked his butt off to better himself. He started off as a cook. But, in the end, his dream did come true. He did the training, and eventually became a pilot. He learnt how to fuel his plane mid-air. What an achievement!
His marriage to Patsy of 8 years ended in divorce. He also had a son named Steven. His wife didn't understand him. And he found it difficult to make her understand. With the childhood he had, you just can't forget something like that. He never felt loved or wanted as a child. He had low self-esteem. Which is why he worked so, so hard. He wanted to make something of himself. He wanted to feel better inside. He wanted to be loved and needed. He had to deal with his past every day. At times he went to visit his Mother to try and get answers as to why she did what she did. He never got them. It's difficult to understand why she chose him over the rest of her sons. Was it the alcohol? One time when he went to see her, she did tell him she was proud of him. It's very confusing as to why she did what she did - to Dave in particular.
Throughout his adult life he did have confrontations with his mother. One such time was at his father's funeral. He was devasted when his father died. Although he never tried to free Dave from his mother as a child, Dave still looked up and admired him. He still held on to the slim chance that one day his father would take him away. He dreamt of buying a house by the Russian River (where he always wanted to live), and having his father live with him. It wasn't meant to be.
Throughout the book, there's one passage that really stuck in my mind. It was at his father's funeral. His mother, as usual, was degrading and belittling him....
**"You lose", I smiled
"What?" Mother asked
"All those years you tried your best to break me, and I'm still here. Father's finally free, Ron's (his brother) in the service, and soon the boys will move out on their own. I'm a good person. I try my best in everything I set out to do. I make mistakes, I screw up, but I learn. I don't blame others for my problems. I stand on my own. And one day you'll see, I'm going to make something of myself. Whether I dig ditches or flip burgers for the air force, I'll be the best, and somehow, some way, I won't waste my life away. If you taught me anything, you taught me that. Stay away from me. Everything you've done to others...I pray for you every night, I swear to God, I really do. You may have your papers, your money, whatever. You can hate everybody and everything on this planet, but YOU lose!'.**
When I read that, I thought 'Good on you Dave'. He's finally stuck up to 'The Mother'.
You know, after all what his alcoholic Mother has done to him in the past, he still forgave her. Why? For the simple fact that he didn't want to be like her. Forgiveness was the only way he could break the chain. He could have easily hated her, and treated her with the contempt she deserved. He could have easily murdered her and put her through hell. But he chose to forgive. He won't put his son through what he went through. Hatred eats you up inside. It tears you apart. It makes you into a hateful, bitter and twisted person. He didn't want to be like that. He didn't want to be like his mum. So he forgave. It was the only way to break the mould.
Dave is now happily married to his second wife, Marsha. He has won awards and appeared to talk shows. He's a brave man and deserves all the luck in the world. He's mother is now dead. He has a wonderful relationship with his son.
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It's an amazing book. I just couldn't put the book down once I started reading it. I admire and respect Dave for telling his story, and for helping others. Of course it's sad, but it's compelling reading. And it does have a happy ending!
You can also find this review on Ciao under my username there LOUISE90.
Summary: A true story which is an inspiration to others.
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